Are You To Blame For Your Child’s Temperment?

Just as his fingerprints are his alone, your child’s personality is unique. As parents we wonder, can we take all the credit (or blame) for our child’s temperament? Could he be a ‘chip off the old block’ or is it the fantastic environment we have provided that makes our child so easy-going? Or have we inadvertently caused our child to be ‘supersensitive’ or too ‘dependent’?

‘Your child’s temperament may be a neat fit with your own, or not. You may be a ‘bookish’ person who imagined reading endlessly to your little one but find instead you are the parent of a jumping bean who never sits still. Or you may be an athlete who hoped to teach your tot the finer points of football as soon as he could stand but have a sensitive, cautious child who flinches whenever you throw a ball at him. You may wonder, ‘Where did this child come from?’ but it would be more enlightening to ask yourself what this little being has to teach you.

Whether you can mould your child’s temperament or whether he is born with a particular tendency to be easygoing and calm or serious and sensitive, a thoughtful leader or a daredevil, his personality will blossom with your acceptance of the unique individual that he is, and the loving encouragement that you give to his positive traits. It is up to you to channel and develop your child’s special qualities. For instance, a sensitive child may need extra doses of reassurance and support to feel secure, an active child will need constructive outlets for his energy, and a quieter child may need encouragement to get involved.

It isn’t a good idea to label your child, because whether it is ‘good’ or ‘bad’ your child’s self-image will be affected by his label, and he will probably live up to it. It may be reassuring to note that characteristics parents find most challenging in toddlers can be highly regarded attributes later in life: when your ‘wilful’ toddler is six feet tall, people will be praising his ‘drive’, ‘commitment’ and ‘perseverance’; people will admire your active toddler’s ‘energy’ when she is a grown woman; and your sensitive child could become the most caring adult. In fact, try rethinking descriptions of your child right now. To appreciate the positives, see your little daydreamer as ‘imaginative’; your noisy child as enthusiastic; your argumentative tot as independent; and your inattentive little soul as a global thinker with a wide focus! If you are at a loss for positive labels some days, ‘unique’ or ‘motivated’ are perfectly acceptable as long as they are meant with appreciation and love.

Pinky McKay is an International Board Certified Lactation Consultant, Infant Massage instructor, mother of five and author of several books including Sleeping Like a Baby – simple sleep solutions for infants and toddlers and Toddler Tactics (Penguin). Visit Pinky’s website at www.pinkymckay.com.au.