A Guide to Labour & Supporting Her For Dads-To-Be

Long gone are the days when fathers-to-be are left waiting in the wings to hear the announcement of their child’s birth by doctors and nurses. Instead, more men than ever are playing an active role in the birth of their child and are keen to learn all they can, in order to help their partner during labour.

Below is an easy to follow guide for dads-to-be on the stages of labour, including some suggestions on how you might be able to help your partner. I have also included some personal accounts of our Forum members who have told us what their partner did for them in labour which they found to be beneficial.

Prior to your partner going into labour, it’s a good idea to discuss her birth intentions (aka birth plan) with her if you haven’t sat down and thought it through with her already. It’s important for you to know what she might like you to do for her in labour – bearing in mind that her preferences may actually change when it actually happens! A massage while she is in labour might sound wonderful now, however during labour, she might not want to be touched at all. So its useful to keep this in mind. When your partner is in labour, you can reaffirm her requests with her then.

If you don’t know very much about the processes of labour and birth but want to find out, it’s a good idea to go to ante-natal classes with your partner. You can do these through a maternity hospital or organise them privately – there are some fantastic private ante-natal classes available for which you’ll find links at the bottom of this page.

If you’re feeling particularly nervous or unsure about being the main support person for mum-to-be, it’s important to discuss this with your partner. It’s perfectly normal to feel this way, so don’t feel bad if you feel you aren’t okay with being her main support person. It’s more important for you to talk about your feelings and ideally find someone else who can support you both during this time. You might like to consider hiring the services of a professional birth support person (Birth Attendant or Doula) who will support mum-to-be as well as yourself. A professional birth support person will be able to help you understand the processes and situation as they unfold, which can be a fantastic reassurance. They also have proven in studies around the world to reduce intervention rates in a big way, inluding more than 50% less caesareans, 57% less forceps use, 98 minutes shorter labour and more! To read more visit the BellyBelly Birth Support page.

For those of you rearing to go, lets get started! You’ll probably already know that labour involves contractions prior to the baby being born. Contractions play an extremely vital role in labour. When in labour, the uterus contracts and helps to dilate (open) the cervix, which is closed during pregnancy, protecting the baby in the uterus.

The cervix needs to be fully dilated at 10cms for the baby to be born. Once 10cms dilation has been reached through these contractions, the baby can then leave the uterus and descend down the vagina to be born.

During labour, especially in the later stages, you may find it difficult and/or upsetting to see your partner in pain and not being able to help or stop it. You might not think it, but your presence and encouragement is actually very important and helpful. As you will later read from our member’s comments about partner support in labour, often just your voice or presence will be all she needs and wants to get through.

So while you may feel ‘helpless’ to stop the pain, you will already be playing a very important role in helping your baby be born, through giving your partner the support and encouragement she needs to keep going. Remember – each contraction is one contraction closer to the birth of your baby. Yes they might be very painful, but the pain isn’t happening just to make her feel uncomfortable. It’s the contractions doing their job, to bring your baby closer to birth.

Early Labour (Stage One)

The first stage of labour begins with what is called, ‘early labour’. In around 10-15% of labours, this stage may commence with the ‘breaking of the waters’. More often, the waters do not ‘break’ until much later in labour. Her contractions may be around 15-20 minutes apart and may last around 30-45 seconds. Her cervix may dilate to around 3cms.

Mum-to-be may notice a discharge of the ‘show’ (a thick mucous plug), which formed earlier in pregnancy. The purpose of the ‘show’ is to seal the cervix in order to protect the uterus and baby from bacteria. If she has already had a show prior to labour, more of the show may appear as her cervix opens.

Contractions will become stronger and closer together as she nears the next phase (active labour). Contractions may reduce to 5 minutes apart and last up to 60 seconds.

First labours are generally longer than second or subsequent labours. For a first labour, the first stage may last from around 12-14 hours at an average. However every labour and every woman is different so you may find that your partner labours for much less or much more than this amount.

Symptoms

Common symptoms she may experience include mild contractions (often described as feeling like period/menstrual cramps), backache and mild diarrhoea. Emotionally she may be happy, excited and relieved that labour has begun, but she may also feel nervous and experience some apprehension – ‘Am I really ready for this?’.

Ideal Positions

During the first stage, positions which best help the progression of labour are upright and walking about or kneeling during contractions, resting between them. This will help the intensity, strength, frequency and regularity of her contractions. You can imagine how much easier it is for the uterus and baby to work with the forces of gravity, rather than lie down and work against them. Lying down may slow labour and contractions may become more inaffective than being upright.

What You Can Do

Encouragement is vital during each stage of labour. During early labour, encourage mum-to-be to rest for as long as possible, especially if labour is overnight. Encourage her to change positions often, preferably in upright positions.

Other things you can do in early labour include:

• Tell her that she’s doing really well
• Keep her company – walk with her, watch television, play a board game etc
• Time some contractions, keeping a record
• If you have planned to use a birth attendant, call them as he/she has requested
• Call the labour ward (as instructed) if you are booked into a hospital, especially if labour began with waters breaking
• Help her relax
• Offer a massage
• Help her find comfortable positions
• Place her pillows, labour bag and any other bags going to hospital in the car
• Pack yourself something to eat and some snacks for hospital

Active Labour (Stage One)

The next phase of labour is called ‘Active Labour’. The contractions during Active Labour increase in intensity and are closer together. They will now last around 45-60 seconds long and will be around 2-5 minutes apart. Her cervix continues to dilate to around 4-7cms.

Symptoms

Mum-to-be will now notice strong contractions and increased backache. You may notice your partner displays increased concentration and seriousness. She may start to feel uncertain she can do it and feel apprehensive. She may particularly want your company/support during this time.

Ideal Positions

Again, positions which best help the progression of labour at this stage are upright and walking about or kneeling during contractions, resting between them. This will help the intensity, strength, frequency and regularity of her contractions. You can imagine how much easier it is for the uterus and baby to work with the forces of gravity, rather than lie down and work against them. Lying down may slow labour and contractions may become more inaffective than being upright.

What You Can Do

Remember S.U.P.P.O.R.T.:

• S – Supportive environment
  
• U – Urinate at least once an hour
  
• P – Position changes often
  
• P – Praise and Encouragement
  
• O – Out of bed (walk/shower)
  
• R – Relaxation
  
• T – Touch and Massage

Other things you might like to try include:

• Eliminating distractions in the environment (pillows, lighting and music)
• Keep her lips and mouth moist
• Offer a massage
• Keep telling her how well she is doing

Transition (Stage One)

The Transition phase brings powerful and intense contractions, which opens up the cervix from about 8-10cms – leading to the pushing contractions that will birth the baby. While this will be a very intense phase, its also the shortest phase of labour. It may last around 5-20 contractions or 10 to 60 minutes. The contractions will be around 60-90 seconds long and there will only be 1-3 mins between contractions. If her waters are not yet broken, they will probably break now.

Symptoms

During transition, your encouragement and strength is particularly important, as mum-to-be gets through these very intense contractions. It can also be a difficult stage for you, her partner, seeing her in pain and not being able to help take the pain away. Emotionally, your partner may be irritable and may want to give up or go home. She may feel that she just wants it all to be over with – so help her focus as much as you can.

She may experience:

• Very intense contractions
• Nausea and / or vomiting
• Snoozing between contractions
• Hot flashes
• Chills and legs shaking
• Heavy show
• Severe low backache
• Possibly premature urge to push
• Pressure in the rectum as baby descends

Ideal Positions

During the first stage, positions which best help the progression of labour are upright and walking about or kneeling during contractions, resting between them. This will help the intensity, strength, frequency and regularity of her contractions. You can imagine how much easier it is for the uterus and baby to work with the forces of gravity, rather than lie down and work against them.

What You Can Do

Lots of encouragement – encourage her to concentrate on the power of the contractions rather than pain and encourage her to use visualisation. Tell her how great she is doing and that baby will arrive very soon. Tell her that you love her.

Other things you can do include:

• Remind her that this is the shortest stage of labour
• Remind her to take one contraction at a time
• Squeeze her hand or give her something to squeeze
• Breathe with her
• Apply counterpressure
• Hold her or give her a big hug
• Fan her if she is hot
• Put a cool face washer on her forehead or neck if she is hot or nauseous
• Get extra blankets and massage her legs if she has chills
• Keep her lips and mouth moist
• Help her to relax between contractions

Stage Two

Stage two starts from the time the cervix reaches full dilation (10cms) to the birth of your baby. This stage may take 15 minutes to three hours or more. Some women may be lucky enough to have a brief resting phase between the ‘transition’ and ‘pushing’ phases, while the uterus tightens around baby’s body, after the head has passed through the cervix. Her contractions may feel weak to non existent compared to transition.

Contractions in stage two are usually further apart than transition, coming every 3-5 minutes apart and lasting 60-90 seconds. She may feel the urge to push as the contraction builds. Most women find pushing to be much less painful than the contractions experienced in transition.

Symptoms

She may have a possible quiet spell of up to 20 minutes as her body rests in preparation for pushing. She may also experience:

• An almost uncontrollable urge to push
• Tremendous back and rectal pressure (may feel that she needs to go to the toilet) ‘Second wind’ of strength to make pushing effort
• Pins and needles / burning / stretching sensation as baby crowns
• Exhaustion between contractions
• Relief that she can actively bring about the birth of her baby
• Ecstatic sensation as the baby is born

Ideal Positions

During the second stage, positions which best help the progression of labour are standing or kneeling with the upper body leaning forward during contractions. Towards the end of the second stage, supported squatting provides the greatest increase of pressure in the pelvic cavity and seems to be the most effective position during contractions. If the second stage is very quick, kneeling on all fours may be preferred.

What You Can Do

• Help her to find the most comfortable and productive position – squatting is a great position for delivery as it helps relax the perineum (less susceptible to tear compared to lying down)
• Whisper words of quiet encouragement ‘You’re doing a great job!’, ‘I know you can do this.’
• Encourage her to rest between contractions
• If she holds her breath while pushing, remind her to breathe every 6-10 seconds
• Remind her to relax her perineum
• Remind her to keep her eyes open for the birth

Delivery of the Placenta (Stage Three)

The final phase of labour is the delivery of the placenta. The placenta detaches from the uterus in around 5-20 minutes.

Symptoms

Apart from the joy of birthing her child and relief that the labour is almost over, mum may now feel mild contractions and fatigue and she prepares to deliver the placenta.

What You Can Do

Give baby to mum to hold or hold baby where mum can see him/her.

Congratulations on the birth of your baby!

Member Suggestions

Here are a few suggestions our members came up with in the BellyBelly Forums as to what their partner did for them in labour which they found useful.

“He stood there and let my squeeze the absolute crap out of his hand when I was going through contractions!” Astrolady

“He was chatting away to the midwife about all sorts of nonsense as well, I wasn’t too aware of what they were on about, but the sound of his voice was comfort enough!” JOJA

“I couldn’t have done it without him. He got me drinks (then held the sick bag for me when I vomited them back up), gave me massages, dragged me in and out of the shower, encouraged me all the time, made sure that I was always kept informed (even after the drugs kicked in) and charmed all the midwives. During the time that I was in the ante-natal ward he arrived in the morning before I woke up so I opened my eyes and there he was. He bought me food so I didn’t have to eat hospital meals and looked after my cat even though he hates him.”—Dachlostar

“My partner just sat by my bed and didn’t say a word, which is all I wanted. Just a nice quiet room with some relaxation music playing. While in the shower he kept encouraging me and telling me I was doing great etc.” Tegan

“This is no joke, but Andrew stopped for cigarettes on the way to the hospital. I couldn’t believe it!!! But once we were there, he was great – just really encouraging. Didn’t talk to me much (I didn’t want to talk, I just wanted to labour without a running commentary!).

He held the bowl as I vomited and organised big towels for me so that I could go in & out of the shower. When I was rushed to the delivery suite he was fantastic. He helped the midwife and the Obstetrician, organised music and lavender oil and let me break his hand with the squeezing. He was pretty in tune with what I wanted/needed, and he was a star. I couldn’t have done it without him.” Lucy

During my first labour, which was long and drawn out (coupla days!!), even though a smoker, he stayed at my side at all times and didn’t leave. I didn’t want to be spoken to, so he didn’t speak, but anything I needed magically appeared for me (ice chips, massages, going to the shower etc). Looking back, I don’t recall that I realised he was even there, but he was, and without knowing it, just being there got me through.

With my second, I haemorrhaged after and I was not at all worried about Brielle’s safety or comfort, because I knew he was there to make her safe. I could get on with the job of looking after me, because I didn’t have to worry about her.

Just being there is the best thing that he did. I think most men feel completely out of their depths during the experience and are all too happy to do the little things that are big to us when we are in labour. Any other day I wouldn’t class getting me a glass of ice chips deserving of a medal, but on that day in my life, it is!?—shannonwiththird

“My husband was so wonderful and supportive, he stayed by my side the whole time. Including the first few days at home while I was labouring. Then in hospital, he let me squeeze the crap out of his hand, he gave me drinks, he organised the room with essential oils and calm music playing. He helped me voice my opinions to the midwife, like when I wanted an epidural and when I wanted to see the ob NOW!

He didn’t disagree with anything and let me decide what pain relief I wanted and when.

He told me that he loved me and thanks for going through all this for us to met our son… he was the best and I could not have asked for more from him.

He was also amazing after Matthew was born and I was recovering. Matthew didn’t sleep that first night and he stayed up with him all night so I could rest. He changed his nappy without me asking, I didn’t have to change a nappy for 3 days!

I couldn’t have done it without him in those first couple of days, he helped me have a shower and dried me, he helped me go to the toilet, helped me get dressed, he did all this without questions or fuss.”—Nellbe

“I think DP felt a little useless and out of sorts and he was also sooo bored for a lot of the time we were in the birthing suite, cause it took them over 5 hours to get the syntocin drip in my hands, and so much of that was just waiting and waiting for various drs/nurses to come back etc.

He was really sweet though, cause at about the 8th drip attempt (I think), I started getting really panicky and upset and he would come and hold my other hand and distract me from watching how they were butchering my hands up.

He was also really great during the pushing stage, he followed the midwife’s lead and gave heaps of encouragement and praise, and probably contributed to it being such a short amout of pushing, cause he really made me believe the end was near so I would give it my all…”—Ambah

“During Labour Marc was a star, he ran a bath for me at the hospital tried to do whatever he could to help and also tried to calm me down when things started to get out of our control. I never really had much pain so there was no hand crushing or anything like that – I just swayed through my contractions and that was it booooooooring!

I think there must be something to be said for Dad’s after a caesarean – as like Nell’s husband, Marc was the same. He gave Paris her first bath, along with changing her first nappy and so forth. At home he would wake with me with every feed and when she had to be bottle fed later on he would take it in turns with me to feed her and he ended up doing the last feed as he felt it was a great time to spend bonding with her. So at 5 am when she would wake for a feed he would feed her and then sleep with her in the chair till he needed to get ready for work when he’d put her to bed. Do you know what he was soooooo sad when she stopped waking for that last feed! And now everything is still 50/50.”—Cailin

Kelly Zantey is a birth attendant (aka doula) the creator of BellyBelly, mum to two beautiful children and has also opened the BellyBelly Pregnancy Centre in Canterbury, VIC.