Are You Servicing Your Relationship?

Do you have life insurance? Yes
Do you have car insurance? Yes
Do you have house insurance? Yes
Do you have relationship insurance? What?!!!

Nobody actually insures their relationship do they? Well no they don’t but maybe they should. The fact of the matter is that if the relationship doesn’t survive it can be a very expensive and hurtful experience for everyone in the family.

Most of us routinely either service or have our cars serviced. Why? Well if we don’t the car eventually breaks down. However very few of us actually service our relationships.

What do I mean by “Service Our Relationships?”

If we begin a relationship usually the first part of the process is very exciting. It usually is exciting because we are getting to know the other person and often having several new experiences in the process, for example, doing different things, exploring different places, trying different foods etc. All of those different things keep us interested in, excited by, and stimulated to be with, the other person.

Once we have actually been in the relationship for some time and have started a family we tend not to do many of those things any more, usually because there are so many other demands on us and to put it bluntly were just too stuffed to make the effort to do anything different. With some of us the only things we actually do make the effort to do is to attend family celebrations of various sorts – if we have the energy.

By not putting any effort into doing new and different things with our partners we can risk making a dangerous assumption. The assumption is that the love, interest, caring, excitement, fascination, sexiness and fun that exists between us simply continues. I’ve got news for you. IT DOESN’T!

The only way you can keep all those qualities that persuaded you to get into a relationship with one another is by putting effort into that area. So how do you do that? Well there are several strategies and all of them have the general intention of ensuring that there continues to be new ideas, perspectives, experiences, activities etc coming into your relationship.

Some couples service their relationship by making a determined effort to spend some time together (and I don’t mean at a party – I mean together, just the two of you) on a regular basis. The regularity of such time depends on you. It might be once every six weeks or once every week. It doesn’t actually matter what the frequency is as long as you stick to your agreement.

You might take turns at selecting a movie to go and see, or a restaurant you might like to try, or an experience you might like to have. Surprising your partner with some outing or some experience also keeps the interest and excitement in the relationship. It is important that you don’t complain about what your partner chooses because that may dissuade them from trying to keep trying something new. You need to remember that they are doing it because they recognise that their relationship with you needs to be nurtured if it is to survive in the long term.

The really big benefit that you both derive from servicing your relationship by doing new/different things together is that you keep your relationship alive and keep in touch with one another as you change thereby greatly reducing the likelihood that your relationship may break down.

You might think that it’s all very well to discuss such issues at this early time in your new family’s life but unless you are aware of it and plan to put something into place down the track your relationship may suffer.

Daniel Chable currently practices at:

Mitcham Private Hospital Consulting Rooms
Telephone: (03) 9210 3146

MMC Consulting Suites, Templestowe
Telephone: (03) 8850 0456

Boroondara Consulting Suites, Hawthorn
Telephone: (03) 9819 9877