Writing It Down On Paper!

Many new mothers and fathers get into conflict when trying to sort out who does what around the house. A common complaint from the mothers (who are usually the primary caregivers) is that their partners, who usually retain the privilege of going to work full time, seem to believe that although the world can often seem like it has turned upside down for their wives, things should generally go on as they did before for them.

This can sometimes reach extreme proportions such as where for example, the new father wants to continue to go to football training on Tuesday and Thursday nights, go out drinking with his mates on Friday night, read all the way through the newspaper on Saturday mornings, play football on Saturday afternoons and occasionally go out trail bike riding on Sunday. Believe it or not I once spoke to couple that had this sort of lifestyle. Needless to say that relationship did not survive.

However this sort of arrangement may have been the way it was done many years ago and that is usually the problem. The new father often believes without question that his wife/partner should behave exactly like his own mother did many years earlier and that he should behave like his own father. But things have changed and these days the most happy and successful relationships are those where both partners are more equally involved in the roles and responsibilities of looking after a family.

What this means in practice is that when both partners are at home they both take on an equal share of the jobs that need to be done. Many new mothers will complain that the fathers do not actually do the jobs unless they are asked and the mothers feel quite resentful about this. They feel that their partners should know what is required to be done. However many new fathers say that they do not know what needs to be done or alternatively that they are not good at doing particular jobs, such as running a load of washing. However practice makes perfect.

One strategy that many couples have tried and has apparently been effective is one where three lists of all the jobs that regularly need to be done is either written out or typed out and placed in the following crucial locations:

• On the fridge
• In the toilet
• Next to the computer

The result of this is that it reduces the need for asking and potentially creating conflict and resentment. Try it and see.

Daniel Chable currently practices at:

Mitcham Private Hospital Consulting Rooms
Telephone: (03) 9210 3146

MMC Consulting Suites, Templestowe
Telephone: (03) 8850 0456

Boroondara Consulting Suites, Hawthorn
Telephone: (03) 9819 9877