Potential/Current Donors Discussion Thread #1

[mummycate]

I see what you mean. Well if there are complications and I cannot have any more children, well I at least have Elouise. Of course I'll go to a really good clinic and go there armed with information. Its not an easy process but I want to at least try.

[anney]

Catherine,
there are 2 types of donation, a known or anonymous. If you wanted to do an anonymous donation to start the ball rolling you would go to your closest clinic and talk to them about being an egg donor. Most of them have a list of people waiting to get eggs. The clinic match you to a recipient and the recipient may or may not be happy to meet you. I am not sure how much choice you get if you wanted to choose your recipient when you go through a clinic. If you want to do a known donation ie. where you choose who you donate to and build up a relationship with them and come to a joint agreement about future contact with a child then it is best to join a support group or start looking out for a person you would like to donate to. Parenting sites like bubhub have adverts from people needing eggs so you could have a look around there.
along with the medical side of it there is alot to consider on the "social" side especially as you have a child of your own and you may be creating a "half sibling" for them. there are counselling sessions you go through to discuss all this but it is good to have thought about some of the social issues prior to deciding to donate. I am happy to give you any info you want and could happily rattle on for hours but right now, have to go tear dd away from toy story and get her to bed at a decent hour.

[anney]

Hi Arielle,
Lots of clinics have now extended the age for donors to 37 so you have a few years yet! That is great that your friend had success after so long and it would be lovely for you to be around for your friend if she wants another child. Speaking from experience, it is really hard to stop at one
As far as the age of the parents when donating embryos, I have never heard that there is a cutoff. there would be no reason to have a cutoff for the paternal age and if you had a success from the batch of embies I am sure anyone would be grateful to have them.
Goodluck - hope you are successful next go.

[alioops]

Arielle, Did u find that info useful?

[Lissie]

Hi girls,

Re the age thing i know that Sydney IVF say up to 38yrs of age, after 38yrs your fertility really really drops the younger the better from what i understand. Good luck to all of you and to the women who are donating you will change peoples lives forever, you are doing an amazing thing for someone else , never forget how special you are for donating. I applaud all of you. And i will thank you on behalf of all the families you will create. God bless.

[cindyb]

I too am thinking of donating my eggs, it makes me so sad to think of the thousands of people out there who cant do it and want to be able to so badly.
I would love to get some more info on the whole process though - and perhaps hear from people who have donated before.
We aer pretty certain we have had our kids now - unless there is another surprise in the future but our 'trying' days are over. However I think im a year or 2 away from it.

Does anyone know if they do DNA profiling and genetic coucelling before you donate? I hate the idea that i may have some rare genetic thing that i carry and could possible pass on to someone elses child. I would definately like to make sure of that one first!
DOes anyone here have any answers?
This is something that myself and DP have been talking about fora while now - he is keen to donate sperm too - we just believe that people shouldnt miss out if they dont have to.
On the other hand though - i did grow up with parents did foster care and i also have 3 adopted brothers and 2 adopted sister and they are in my mind no less my sibling than my actual biological sister. My mum started doing foster care when i was about 3 months old, she is a crazy woman and has had over 200 kids come and go over the last 30 years! It made for a very interesting and inciteful upbringing for myself and my sister.....

[mummycate]

Cindy, wow you and your DH are amazing people to want to donate your eggs/sperm for someone else to have a baby of their own. And your mum is amazing to have fostered so many kids. I hope one day I'm stable enough (ie, settled down, not moving) to foster.

[Caramello]

Hi Cindy,

Yes they will do a blood test with the donor to ensure that you are not passing anything on genetically that they can test for. My SD had to do two rounds of testing to ensure that he had no genetic issues.

The IVF clinic will also counsel the donor and the recipients of risk factors (eg our donor's parents were both deaf, so we received counselling making sure we considered that our child may be deaf).

[Marj]

Hey there,
I'm curious about how other donors see their connection to any potential children born of donated eggs.

For myself, I think I'm quite lucky in that I'm donating to people that are part of my life and it's all quite out in the open - all of our friends and family know what we're doing and the child (fingers crossed that there is one!) will be told too. So I guess my relationship to the child has been discussed and we all see it as being one of auntie to niece/nephew. I have my own child too and he'll know that this new person is his genetic half-sibling.

I definitely don't see myself in a parental role of any kind. The people who receive the egg will be the parents of the child, but I'm fortunate enough to be around and be part of that child's life in a supportive kind of way.

What are other people doing out there?

Marj

[Lissie]

Hi Marj,

I am not a donor but a recipient. I just wanted to say that i think what you are doing is absolutley wonderful. There are not many like you - thankyou for telling your story - and thankyou for talking about it with others - hopefully by doing so this will enlighten other to our plight and maybe just maybe you may inspire other woman out there who are thinking of doing the same. I know when i had eggs donated to me from a friend she said she had been thinking of it for years - but until i came along she had not done anything about it. Maybe in some strange way the universe was waiting for us to get together - who knows - the universe does work in funny ways. Good luck with it all - you must be feeling a little bloated by now being 5days off harvesting - i remember the feeling haveing gone thru it mayself a number of times - again you are a champ.

[Marj]

Hi Lissie,
Thank you for such a lovely email. It was just what I needed to hear on a night when, to be honest, I'm not feeling all that fantastic. (It's like having PMS times about 20!) It'll all be over soon though, and I know it'll be worth it.

Your words have really cheered me up.

Hope things are going well with where you're up to in all of this.

[Lissie]

Marj,

Glad i helped a little. Keep up the good work and im anxious to hear how your EPU went - hope you got some good for you recipient. I know about the PMS x 20 -lol - these IVF drugs are evil at times hey but fully worth it in the end - i think my DH thought i was possessed when i was on them!
The main thing i found was i would cry at the drop of a hate. Take care of yourself - you deserve it.

[Marj]

Hi Lissie,

Sounds like your embryo transfer is coming up soon. How's all that going? Do you know who your donor is?

My harvesting has been delayed because my hormone levels are apparently too high. It's a bit annoying because one of the labs made an error with my test results and so I was told to take a higher dose of the Gonal-F and so they then shot up too high and now I have to stabilise.

On the upside, today I met the woman who is going to be the surrogate for my friends. She's a fantastic woman, incredible really. She's doing such an amazing thing and it's nice that she's so easy to get along with. Somehow feels like even more of a team effort now!

Marj

[Lissie]

Hi Marj,

Yes we do know the donors. At first it was only via email - thats how we actually met. But we have met in person and got on great. They are a lovely young couple and i feel with the same thought pattern/moral etc that we have, just generally really nice down to earth people, with obviously huge hearts of gold. It was great to meet them, its funny you just want to know little things, like, what does his voice sound like, do either of them have freckles like me, silly little things that don't mean a lot in the end but just natural curiousity i guess, but mostly just wanted to talk face to face eye to eye and they are just beautiful people. And yes its getting really really close now i will start hormone tablets in a 2-3weeks and them a few more weeks before transfer so we are getting a little anxious/excited and i am starting to get a bit teary before i even start on hormones - guess its just the anticipation of it all and such high expectations as usual, cause every time you do this you think this is it , this time it will work.
Marj you poor thing you must be fully bloated and uncomfortable by now and now you must wait longer to stabilise - should not be long now though - you are nearly there sweetie. Be proud of yourself you have done an amazing thing for your friend, if nothing else you have given her hope where there was none. And as far as the surrogate goes, what an unbelieve woman, to carry a child for someone else is absolutely huge thing to do - WHAT AN ANGEL i hope and that all works out for your friend please keep us informed as i will be thinking of you all.

[Marj]

Hey Lissie,
Hope the emotional rollercoaster isn't too rough just yet. I can only imagine how you must be feeling. I think it's totally understandable that you would be interested in the intimate, minute details about your donors. How else can you start to imagine your child? (And it's inevitable isn' it, that projection in the future? Wondering what they'll look like and what they'll be like as people?)

My journey is pretty much over now. Things have gone very well so far - they got 18 eggs and 10 have survived to day four. Tomorrow they'll pick the best one and implant it into the lovely woman who will be carrying the baby. We'll all have our fingers crossed.

Hope things are going well for you too. Let us know.

Marj xx

[Lissie]

Hi Marj,
That is fantastic 18 eggs - and 10 making it to day 4 is so so promising. I wish i could have produced that many. You are a champ. I am that this will end up with a happy healthy baby - you are a wonderful person to give such a gift - may life be truly good to you. Wishing you and all involved only the best. I am okay just waiting for my feb period to arrive so i can start on my hormone tablets and pessaries to get my uterus ready and then transfer day will be here before we know it - getting pretty excited and nervous all at once - so much riding on this. All i want in this world is a little baby - a family - gosh i hope this is our miracle. God bless you Marj.

[Tathagres]

Hi

I was an egg donor for an older friend several years ago. She was 43 and had had 6 unsuccessful IVF attempts. I was 25, and had 1 child, and when she had another donor pull out, I volunteered.

For my part, I didn't feel I was giving away a "child", although it was wonderful to help them make a baby. I viewed my donated eggs as eggs that would have otherwise been wasted. If they weren't donated that cycle they would have been released at ovulation and never fertilized.

We had several visits with several fertility specialists. We had the required counselling visits. I filled out the forms with my family health history and my occupation and interests for the donor register.

The medical process was fine - I handled the stimulated cycle well. We got a good number of eggs and embryos. The recipient had 2 transferred and some frozen. The transferred embryos didn't take.

I found that quite devastating. Even knowing the statistics and probabilities, it still felt awful. And what made it harder was that I didn't feel like I could tell anyone how I felt. they weren't my embryos. I felt that I shouldn't feel bad about the outcome, because even though I had contributed I wasn't really a party, and that as a donor I shouldn't have this emotional response. I know, logically it was probably quite silly, and I could have accessed the counsellor at the IVF clinic but I really strongly felt the need to maintain the facade, that I wasn't attached to the eggs. I still felt unattached to the eggs, but I felt so badly that it hadn't worked. Its hard to describe, really.

As far as I know, the frozen embryos are still frozen. Certainly, enough time has passed, I don't think they will be used by that couple now.

Although I didn't have to see the reality of a baby born from my eggs, my friend and her partner felt most strongly that the baby should know its origins, and know who I was. I have to say, I was so relieved they felt that way. To me it would have been unethical to not be honest about it. I would have had to think very hard about donating if I knew that any child born from my donation was not to be told the truth.

Now my husband and I are beginning our own IVF journey as he had cancer and is now infertile. We have discussed the use of donor sperm if we run out of his own, but he isn't keen on the idea. He is open to the notion of donating any embryos we may have left over - if his cancer doesn't rule out that possibility.

I don't know if I would donate eggs again. Its not so much the issue of attachment or the emotional fallout of an unsuccessful transfer but rather, the fact that it is an invasive medical procedure. Its the drugs, and the injecting and how they make you feel. Its ultrasounds, and the anesthesia, and all that "stuff" that is off-putting. I think I would consider it for a close friend or family member. But even though I know the pain of infertility, I don't think I'll do anonymous donation.

[Lissie]

Hi Tathagres,

That was a wonderful thing to donate your eggs you are a champion in my opinion. Did the couple you donate to never use up the left over embryo's?
I just want to wish you so much luck on your journey and i that you and your DH have that little bundle of joy you so deserve. I think how you felt after you donated and the couple were not sucessful is very normal, i know when my friend donated eggs to us and we were unsuccessful she felt devasted, but mostly i think it was for us that she felt sad, we all had such high expectations, but you know you have these expectations with any ivf journey, it is such an emotional rollacoaster for all involved. Again good luck to you.