Vbac that did go wrong!

**~mamaspice~** · May 20th, 2008, 07:09 PM

Oh Nikki, I just wanted to say that I am so so sorry to hear about the loss of your precious little girl

Thank you so much for sharing your story. It goes to show that there are real risks whichever option we choose.

**Ozziehoffy** · May 21st, 2008, 05:28 PM

Nikki,

to you and I'm so sorry to hear about your little princess. Thanks for sharing this, you're very brave and inspirational. I was scared having a VBAC and for me it was successful, but scary in some respects as that was a fear of mine. I'm so happy for you that you were able to have another little bub after this and also that you were brave enough to even go there, I don't think I would've been. Again, thanks for your story.

**nikkialma** · May 21st, 2008, 06:53 PM

Hi Cass, thanks for your reply. I'm so pleased your vbac went well, i know is goes well for most. I'm sure I would make the same dessicion if we could turn back time. Going on to have my 3rd bub was so hard, it was scary enough anyway and at 19 weeks we were told that I had a grade 4 placenta praevia and my risk of heomorage (cant spell) was so high now, plus there was a chance I would end up with a hystorectomy. Due to the fact that the placenta could grow through the old scar tissue. My family would not let me do anything, I managed to get to 33 weeks when I went into labour and they were unable to stop it. So my darling DS was delivered by cs, due to complications I was put straight under GA and only saw him for a minute or two ( not even allowed to touch him) then he was flown off to Brsbane Royal Childrens NICU. I did not get transfered for 2 days as I was in ICU as well. The placenta did grow through my uterus wall but yet again they managed to save it, but there is no way we are having anymore. DS is now almost 15 months and doing fairly well though we do have some on going problems that I hope to get on top of soon.
I wish anyone the best of luck with there vbac.
Thanks nikki

paradise lost · May 21st, 2008, 07:29 PM

Nikkialma your sons are so lucky to have you as a mumma! It was so brave of you to go ahead and have #3 after the trauma of losing #2 and the (what must have been horrific) injuries to your uterus you suffered during the rupture. And to go through such a scary PG (my brother was c-section due to praevia too, mum almost died having him, also around 33weeks) and then have to have GA to have him and THEN having to have him whisked away for treatment at another hospital...

What a mama you are! I hope all of the issues resolve completely and you all get the happiness and fulfillment you so profoundly deserve after all your family has been through.

Bx

**Ozziehoffy** · May 22nd, 2008, 12:32 PM

Nikki, I'm so glad to hear that your DS 2 is doing quite well. What lucky boys as hoobley said to have you as their mum. I hope that it all just gets better and better for you and your family.

**mummy2** · May 26th, 2008, 03:33 PM

Hi Nikki,
I am soory for the loss of your precious princess. I am one of those girls who has had 2 emergancy c-sections and was really wanting to try vbac when we go back for a 3rd (1st breech, 2nd heart rate to high and posteria) but my doctor has told me straight out 2 ceasers always a ceaser which was quite upsetting and no other doctor from where I live will do it so would have to travel, but reading your post has made me think that vbac would be good but I would also like to walk away with a healthy baby and a healthy mum and not risk a ruptured uterine which may or may not happen so thankyou for your story it has put my mind a ease and I think would be better if I just book in for a c-section next time round.. I still feel upset about not being able to deliver my children naturaly but to be as worry free as possible and have a healthy baby and mum thats all that counts for me!!
So thankyou so much once again.

**nikkialma** · May 26th, 2008, 04:05 PM

Hi, thanks for your reply. I do understand that real wish to have a natural birth.Thats exactly why I did a vbac with dd, but after loosing her i really did not care how my last ds was born because at the end of the day we got to bring him home!!!!! The worst thing in my life was hearing my husbands words as they woke me in recovery," she didn't make it darling, Lilli didn't make it". Nothing is worth having to hear those words. I don't mean to sound morbid but thats how it was.
I wish you all the very best and even though I had complications with this c/s due to the praevia keep it a secret, but I was driving at 2 weeks. I recovered very quickly, maybe because ds was in hosp for 3 weeks.
thanks nikki

**Eternalbear** · June 15th, 2008, 11:32 AM

Oh Nikki your story bought tears to my eyes. I am so sorry for your loss.
I'm thankful everyday that my VBA2C went well and my baby boy is happy and healthy. Your story made me appreciate it even more.

Melissa

BrissyMumof2 · June 23rd, 2008, 09:55 PM

Thanks heaps for sharing your experience.

I still haven't made up of mind - VBAC or elective-c. I guess your DH words have done it for me. My DH doesn't want me to VBAC as the gap in my children will only be 11 months and he thinks the risks are just too high. After reading your story I realise there is a risk, an unnessary risk which is fine if the VBAC goes well but would break my DH heart if I convinced him I wanted a VBAC and it didn't go well. I'm carrying our last child who will be our one and only little girl. I can't imagine if she didn't make it.

I'm so terribly sorry for your loss and wish you could of been reading this when you were pregnant with DD. I hope you realise what a great thing you are doing talking about this. Thank-you.

**butterfly*kisses** · June 23rd, 2008, 10:14 PM

Thanks nikkialma - you are truely a wonderful woman and mother. I was so touched to hear your story - such tragedy with your DD, but such triumph with the birth of your DS.

Your story has been very valuable to so many.

I have had 3 c/s and have been bullied by some who are very rude about c/s whether it be emergency or scheduled........You have helped me feel more powerful in my choices.

Many thanks, and my very best to you and your special family.

**nikkialma** · June 24th, 2008, 06:41 AM

Hi I hope you can make up your mind as weather to have a c-section or vbac, just be sure as you have to live with that choice. I have always had so many "what if's". Even three years on I still feel so robbed of my DD especially as they made it sound so simple, that if things start to go wrong we will just do a c-section. I do have 2 very wonderful boys but there is this huge chunk of my heart that has been taken and you can never replace!! Thankyou so much for looking at my thread, it means that our dear Lilli can help others.
Nikki

**sunshine_sieben** · June 24th, 2008, 10:58 AM

Nikki, I cannot imagine the heartache and possibly guilt (at your decision) you must have felt and probably are still feeling. It was not your fault. In hindsight, you would have chosen another path, but who knows what would have happened then.
I am so glad that you managed to go on and have your second DS. It sounds like it was a very traumatic delivery, too. But one with a happy ending, fortunately.
Please do not feel bad for sharing this story. As others have said, we need to know about all possibilities and understand what they mean to make an informed decision on what path to choose.
I for one would love to read your full birth story.
It is a very brave thing you did, putting your story out there and opening yourself up to "criticism" for your choices. But BB is a very supportive community and we really appreciate your honesty. I'm gonna give you some rep points/comment for being so open and honest.

I do have a few more questions for you, if you don't mind:
How far along where you when labour started?
Did you go into labour spontaneously? Or did they help you along?

By the way, I love the name Lilli. If I ever have another girl, I will name her Lilliana.

Sasa

**Schmickers** · June 24th, 2008, 01:26 PM

Nikki, thank you for sharing your story of loss, and I offer my condolences over the loss of your little on.

I think that if this story highlights anything, it highlights the faith we put in the people who look after us during birth, and the terrible consequences we face if that faith is misplaced. While reading your birth story, one thing jumped out at me:

and due to the fact that I had had an epidural as well I was unaware of the initial pain.

I'm so sorry to hear that your birth was managed in this way. My DW, and all of the other midwives I have spoken too, were very surprised that any woman having a VBAC was offered an epidural, for exactly the reason you describe - that often the earliest sign of a uterine rupture is pain. Standard procedure for a VBAC in hospital consists of continuous monitoring, no induction, and no epidural, to reduce the strain on the uterus and detect any complications early.

I think that all women reading this thread should keep this in mind; preparing for a VBAC should involve plenty of self-education and having a caregiver whose level of experience you know and trust. For that reason I would recommend having a doula or an independent midwife that you trust with you for a VBAC.

**nikkialma** · June 24th, 2008, 02:12 PM

Hi, thanks for your reply. I do have my stroy in full version that I wrote for SANDS and it was also in Mother & Baby magazine a couple of years ago. I would happily let everyone read but I am not sure how to do that. Lilli was born on her due date, and I went into labour spontaniously. You are right about not having an epidural, obviously it was not the hospitals policy and we do so much put full faith in the medical staff. I am not a doctor or nurse, therefore I felt they know what they are doing.
If you know how I can put my story on here I will happily do so. Thanks nikki

**Stars69** · June 24th, 2008, 02:45 PM

Hi,

Firstly I am so sorry for loss.

Secondly thankyou for posting this story. I am due with my first shortly and you have made me think about a few things.

A few years ago I had an operation to remove a fibroid. Same kind of operation as a caesar same cut etc. The specialist had told me if I was to get pregnant I would need to let the OB know of this.

So I have, and they have the surgeons notes etc. One OB has said a VB is fine on the condition I am monitored the whole time.

A second OB (a more senior one) has said she is happy for me to try a VB but there is a risk that the uterus will rupture where the muscles were cut, and they will only have minutes to perform a CS. Having said that, they are still encouraging me to have a VB and now I am not sure what to do.

I am not hung up with a preference one way or the other just so long as the baby and I guess myself are okay.

I too would like to read your full story..thank you once again for sharing what must have been such a painful experience.

**sunshine_sieben** · June 24th, 2008, 02:51 PM

If you still have your story on your computer, you coud copy and paste it into a new thread in the birth stories section. Then you could provide a link to it here.
You say you have it written out for SANDS. Does that mean, it is online? If so, you could just provide us with a link.
Lots of love, Sasa

**nikkialma** · June 24th, 2008, 09:17 PM

Hi I have added a new thread in the birth stories under.
Lilli Amba Our Vbac Angel.
I wanted to add her picture but I'm not sure what I am supposed to do with the http url?
Thanks for reading.
nikki

paradise lost · June 24th, 2008, 10:26 PM

Nikki,

Click the "edit" button at the bottom of the post. Add at the bottom a sentence like "Her photo is here." Open the photo webpage in another tab or window and copy the url using the right mouth button. Back to the edit window, highlight the word "here" in your new sentence and click on the add url symbol in the post's toolbar - it's the one with the planet and the shades not shades, but looks like them

- it says "Insert Link" if you hover over it..) A little url box will appear. Delete the hppt//: bit and then using the right mouse button again "paste" the photo's url in there. Click ok. Click Save. Your post will reappear in the thread and the pic should now be linked.

HTH

Bx