I just wanted to say that I understand how you feel. We lost our second baby at 12 wks when DD was just 15 months. I went through an awful 12 months of grief, surgeries, recovery and then was diagnosed with secondary infertility and had to go through IVF to conceive our son. I was pretty seriously depressed throughout this time and there were days where, I am ashamed to admit, I would just sit on the kitchen floor and cry while my DD was at home with me. I've often wondered what, if any, affect this time has had on her.
Just this weekend I have finally updated all her photo albums and I realised while looking through them there are hardly any photos of her during that time - mummy just wasn't 'there' a lot of the time to take them
I felt soooo terribly guilty when I realised this that I burst into tears.
Try not to feel too guilty, you've done an amazing job in my eyes just to have survived such a traumatic loss.
These little ones are pretty resilient and I'm sure if there is some developmental issues with your son, you are not to blame. We all do the best we can at the time.