Parenting After LT TTC ~ January - April 2008

[onthefly]

Hi gals
Hope you're all doing well.
Aric is doing fine - his official 6-week checkup on Monday - should be good to see how much he's grown. He's already too big for some of his 000's, though some are too big for him (guess there's a wide variation in sizing). Had a fun night last night - he wet the bed! I've been sleeping with him cause it's hard to get him to sleep in the bassinet and daddy didn't put his nappy on right.

Mother's day wasn't too great - had mastitis. Poor little boy had the runs again (antibiotics do that to him), but getting back to normal now. Got to the doc early enough so it wasn't too bad, thankfully. Fingers (etc) crossed that it's a one-off.

Hand and footprints are a great idea - I tried to get his footprints but got paint everywhere and nearly dropped him on his head (silly me for rying to do it by myself).

Mako, I hope Sage is better by now.

random question. If we end up having another baby with our frozen bubbies, would that make them twins?

[mako]

Hi

Just wanted to say

Sage is almost over his chicken pox. He's just got a couple of spots to go.He's so much happier now too which is a relief.Its tough when our little bubbas are unwell.

In saying this though, he's still not sleeping very well. I'm sure he's teething now too. The poor little fella just doesn't seem to get a break.

We went and saw our Paed last Wednesday and he is very happy with his development and growth etc. He wanted to see us once Sage had started eating solids. So all is good in that regard. We go back again in December for another check up.

Oh we are going through the very clingy stage. If anyone else has Sage he just screams and screams until he comes back to me. He even does it to his Daddy. It gets very tiring as I don't seem to get 5 mins to myself atm

Marcellas How did the 6 week check up go?
I would think that your bubbies would be twins but just conceived and born at different times Just very special twins lol.
On the DTD business, we still don't very often as I'm really not all that interested and for some unkown reason it hurts a bit Unsure why cause I had a CS but it kinda was uncomfortable when I was preg too. Hmm note to self- must ask next time I'm at the drs!!!!!
I'm sure as time passes things will get better and not feel "broken".

Sazz How's everything going hun?

I hope everyone is doing ok.

[Willow]

Hey everyone, just thought I'd pop in and see how you are all going.

Glad to hear you all had a good mother's day! Ours was good, just had a picnic at home with the kids. It followed a very busy week with lots of family and friends visiting, L's christening and my 30th, so we were grateful for a bit of family time.

L is going great - is crawling, sitting on his own, says 'mama', 'dada' and 'nana'. Has cut two teeth - and surprisingly it wasn't too bad. His day sleeps were a struggle for a week or so, but once the teeth popped, he was back to normal. Still not sleeping through the night though *sigh*...I'm sure it will happen in time.

Friends of ours are having a baby, due in Sept, so I've been going through all of our stuff, sorting out what they want to borrow etc. So naturally it's made me think about the possibility of us having another. Most of the time, I want to. In the middle of a 'bad' night when I'm up for the 5th time I think 'I don't want to do this again!'. But most of the time I would love to have another, I've always wanted three. DH is happy with two. I've been thinking about it a lot the last few days and finally plucked up the courage tonight to ask DH "If when L is 12/18mths and I still want another, would you be willing to give it one last shot (ie do one FET)?" He said "No"

It's not a massive issue at the moment becuase I am nowhere near ready to jump back on that rollercoaster, but I am so worried that if in 12 months time I start to get really clucky and feel like I really need to make the choice and he still won't agree, that it's going to cause HUGE problems for us. Everyone keeps saying he'll come around, but I don't think he's going to. He has said to me several times "if it happened (ie I fell naturally), then I'd be really happy. But otherwise, we're done". How is that fair? I feel like I'm being punished because I can't fall prg naturally anymore. If he is done, he's done, why should it come down to the mode of conception??

Sushee - I remember you went through a similar situation with your DH a while back...how did you deal with it?

[sushee]

Willow,

I carried a lot of resentment about my DH not wanting another child for a long time. But we have talked about it so many times that I'm starting to see his POV. It still hurts, and yes I too feel punished for not being able to have an oopsy pregnancy like 'normal' people do, but I am learning to find some sort of peace with it. I will never ever be completely okay with it, and for a long time I harboured the fear that if my desire for another child began to outweigh my love for him, it would mean the end of us. But mostly I remember that he had the option of being with someone else who wouldn't have brought with them the kind of fertility issues I did, and had as many children as he could have afforded without the cost of IVF, but he chose to be with me. So now I choose to be with him.

And he has said that even without the fertility issues, he would have been happy with one child. I believe him because I see how much of his world revolves around Charlie. One of us will not get what we want, and tbh it's usually not me. He has said that if I pushed him, he would agree to go back, but I don't want to win like that, not over something this important that I need him to want it too. So on this, I have decided to compromise. So we've stopped trying.

I don't know if that helps you at all, but please know I'm here if you want to hash it out further. It was a long and painful road for me to accept what I have, so I know how you feel, and I empathise so very much with you.

[Willow]

I can feel my resentment building already and I haven't even decided if another child is what I want either. I am not thrilled at the prospect of going through IVF again, nor that overwhelming fear of losing another baby that I felt every day of my prg with L. It wasn't fun and I'm the first to admit that. I just think if I am strong enough to do it again, why isn't he? And the newborn thing - sheesh! It's the most wonderful thing in the world, but it's also haaaard some days.

I know for me, I don't want to be having babies into my 30s, so the decision would need to be made once and for all in the next 2 years or so.

He says it's because of everything we've been through, losing our second baby affected me very badly and it was hard for my whole family to see me like that, it created a lot of sadness and stress for everyone. Then came the added blow of secondary infertility and IVF. If he said he didn't want another, full stop, then I could accept that more willingly. But to say that he would be happy to have another naturally conceived baby is painful to hear and I wonder if it's just a cop out because he knows it's very unlikely to ever happen?

I was talking to my mum on the phone today and she told me a cousin of mine, the same age as me, has just had her third baby. I still get that feeling like someone has kicked me in the stomach. I am scared that if the choice to have another is taken away from me, that I will always have that feeling. I find myself watching mothers walking down the street and I feel...I don't know what the word is...inadequate? cheated?...when I see a mother with more than two children. I just don't know how to leave that stuff behind. I just wish the want wasn't there. If I decide for myself that two is enough, then I hope I would feel differently, that I would be at peace with it.

Then there's the guilt - I feel guilty that I can't just be grateful for the two beautiful children that I have (even though I AM grateful and feel blessed every single day) and be happy enough to walk away.

Then I feel guilty about the 10 embryos that we have waiting for us and it makes me feel sick thinking about what might happen to them.

[sushee]

See Willow I don't think I could cope knowing I have embryos waiting. In fact I know I didn't cope which is why in order to move on, the one condition I set was that we used our last embryo. Only after that one was transferred, and didn't succeed, was I able to start finding closure.

If I were in your position, I would find it similarly difficult to let go. For me, being 38 now, I am coming to an age where even if we were to decide to go ahead, I'd be on an uphill battle even more difficult than the one we were on before, as my eggs would now be older as well. These issues are helping me find peace with the decision, whereas for you, I imagine it would be far more of a challenge.

hun.

[Willow]

I feel the same way Sushee, which is why I asked him that question tonight. I feel if we gave even one of those embryos a chance, and it didn't succeed, at least I would know I tried and I would feel a much greater sense of closure.

I really don't know what I'm going to do. Every time I feel the way I do tonight, I just push it to the back of my mind again and either tell myself we'll deal with it later, or I fool myself into thinking that eventually he'll come around. But I guess that's only really going to work for the next 6-12 months and then I'm really worried what it will mean for us.

[onthefly]

Hi all,
Willow - That must be tough on you. I kinda understand from your DH's perspective that maybe it's just too hard to go through all that, but it's got to be just as hard to give up on something you want so much. I hope you guys can work through it in time.

Aric's doing really well. He's being doted on this week by my in-laws, who've flown over from NZ. Gives us a break too, which is great. My mother's group starts tomorrow - looking forward to it. Oh, and I'm starting work again next week... yay for me. not.

Glad to hear that sage is doing well Mako - spots and teeth notwithstanding (guess if it's not one thing it's another...)

Take it easy everyone

[mako]

Hi Not much going on here atm. Sage is teething so I really hope it doesn't take too long for the tooth to come through.
Still not alot of sleep happening here either but funnily enough I'm starting to get used to it

Marcellus I bet your Inlaws are having a great time with Aric.

Has anyone heard from Jo (aka DJTTC) and Jenna? Just wondering how they are going.

Hi to Willow,Sazz,Kimnastics,Sushee and everyone I've missed. Hope you are all ok.

[onthefly]

Hi - guess everyone's super busy at the moment. No great surprise, hey?
Aric is 10 weeks old today - already!
His sleeping routine has been a bit mucked up lately and we're trying very hard to get him to sleep at all during the day and his night sleeps are getting shorter and shorter. poor thing is just soooo overtired. Just got the no-cry sleep solution from the library, so hoping we can get some help in there. Don't really appreciate my mum telling me that he'll 'have' to cry it out at some point.... i don't really see why.
I'm back at work now - poor me. not much else to report, though our dear son did a big runny poo on the spare bed last night - DH was up with him and had to clean up . Anyone else feel like they've become poo obsessed? W'e're always checking to see what colour it is....

[onthefly]

Hey - congratulations Kimnastics! Just noticed your signature

The book's been really useful - we havn't instituted our 'plan' yet, but after he's settled and rested better we will. I'm a bit loath to put him out in his cot - the master bedroom is right out the front of the house, and the other rooms are out the back. We're considering sleeping out the back as well to be closer. IF nothing else it's a practical consideration - I don't want to have to get up and walk that far to feed him each night. Co-sleeping doesn't really work too well for us - we all disturb each other and then DS just wants to eat, then suck for a while, snooze, then eat, then...
Actually, he's been eating heaps lately - maybe it's a growth spurt? We'll be weighing him again on Tuesday (mother's group) as we continue to fret about his slow weight gain. sigh.
Work has been horrid and stressful. The worst thing is when I have to make poor Aric wait for his feeds cause i'm just so flat out... that's not good (though it doesn't help that he wants to eat every 1.5-2 hours!).

Hope all you mums and bubs are doing well. Have a good weekend.

[onthefly]

Just wanted to pop in and say that Aric put on 205g in the past week - yay!

[monnie]

Hey guys

Just wanted to say hi to everyone...I've been lurking after my self-imposed ban!

That's great news about Aric, Marcellus!

Kimnastics...congratulations! Wonderful news! How are you doing? What's it like being pregnant and having a 10 month old? Felix is the same age as Hayden (well...2 weeks younger!) and we are starting to think about trying again...though part of me is scared about how I'd cope...but I'm sure you just do!!!

Mako...how's Sage doing? How's his sleeping going? Felix still wakes at 10pm, 3am and 6am for feeds! And like you say...you just get used to it, hey?

We're off on holidays this weekend...can't wait! A little nervous as we are staying in a converted 'shed' (it looks great...belongs to my sister) but it's one big room...hope the sleeping issues don't deteriorate...

Anyway...hope everyone is doing well!!! Willow, you doing okay?

[mako]

Kimnastics Congrats on your pregnancy hun.

Marcellus WOOHOO on the great weight gain.

Monnie I hope you enjoy your weekend away. I hope Felix is a good boy re the sleeping.

Well we are doing ok.Sage was 8 months on Monday.Where has that time gone. I kept thinking that that was how long I was preg with him and it seemed to drag a little sometimes but since he's here it has just flown.
He now says bub,boo,mum,mumma and mummy. He's also eating solids now. He decided that he didn't want to eat vegies after one day i caved and gave him banana custard lol. Well he's back to eating vegies so long as its in my pumpkin soup lol. He loves to eat fruit except avacado but it took me a long time to aquire a taste for it too and now i can't get enough of them
I have to say that I'm sick of the little comments when I'm asked if he's doing this and that when he's not. I just remind them(my mum) to take 4 weeks off his age and I'll tell them when he IS doing something new.

As far as sleep goes. Hmmmmm not so great. He won't sleep in his cot so he is in our bed. I am going to really try and get him sleeping in his cot during the school hols while I'm off so it won't really matter if my eyes are hanging out of my head.He is waking around 12:30am, 2-3ish and again around 6.He will feed when he wakes these time aswell although the past couple of night he's woken up screaming and not wanted a feed so I'll give him some bonjella or teething tablets and he goes back to sleep within seconds literally.He is teething even though I've been saying this for months and months We get up at 6:30 the days that I work as we need to be out the door at 7:30.Otherwise I try and stay atleast til 7:30 8am.

to everyone else.

[Lenny]

Just lurking, but struggling with time.
Wanted to say how cool to see Monnie back, and I can't believe you are thinking about number 2!! Yay, how cool!!

Hope to be a full time participant here one day, but with DH's work, I am basically doing it on my own these days.

Hi to all,
Jo

[lismith25]

Hi everyone

Just wanted to say hello and that it is fantastic that I can graduate to this forum now. I know some of you and hope to get to know everyone else. 5 weeks under my belt already with bubby Emma and im exhausted, I thought I was doing ok but im slowly being eroded away. I feel completely unprepared for what has happened to my life, all that planning and waiting and I dont think I really considered the end result. But every day is a little better and I think we are reaching an understanding, I forget she is only 5 weeks old sometimes.

Lenny - I hear ya time no longer exists
Kimnastics - congrats on your impending arrival, your a brave lady
Monnie - you crazy girl thinking about no.2 already. DH has told me the moment i say vasectomy he will book himself in but not ready to close that door just yet Dont know how easy it will be to fall again, but im keeping all the options open... Glad your still around
Mako -wow Sage is coming along in leaps and bounds, seems soo far off yet till Emma will be at that stage.

Big hello to everyone else, i made it hehehe

[onthefly]

The reality really hits you, doesn't it Lismith! We honestly questioned ourselves - Why did we want this so much? What were we thinking? And, once, Maybe I can just take him back to the hospital...
It's weird though, looking back from now, I can hardly remember how hard it was in those first few weeks, I just have a very hazy recolection that it was tough. Not that it's really easy now, mind. Aric has been a bit sick - taking him to the doctor tomorrow - and waking 3-hourly through the night to feed again. sigh. If it's not one thing it's another - growth spurt, sick, unsettled in a different place... next it'll be teething!

Hey Lenny - it's hard doing it all alone. Do you have someone else to help out ocasionally to get a break?

DH is home with Aric now while I'm working and he keeps marvelling (after 5 weeks now...) that it's hard work and a full-time job. No duh! I really believe it's not something that's meant to be done alone, though that's the way it often ends up these days.

Mako, it sounds like Sage is doing really great!

Nice to see you round Monnie - hope the sleeping went well.

Hope you're getting a break from the teethign for a while Kim.

Ha! Aric just peed on his daddy.. again!

[nic]

Hi girls Thought I should come over and join in, especially now that DS is 5 weeks old! We aren't sleeping all that well, so hoping it will improve some time soon. Feeding isn't all that great, every couple of hours if we are lucky, followed by a spew if it is a breastfeed. We are starting to get some gorgeous smiles though, which just melt your heart.

Will try to keep up with everyone in here, will be so much easier when we get some sleep, which I am off to try to get a little nap now lol

Nic