new and sad

[dd0207]

I have been reading your threads for a few months now which have helped me get through some very sad days and decided it was time to join and hear from others that may have had a similar experience and gain some inspiration for the future.

In July, I lost my beautiful son at 21 weeks due to an incompetent cervix... here is my story.

From about week 15, I was having very bad lower abdominal pains and a feeling of extreme pressure in my pelvic area. Each visit, I kept telling my OB about it which he kept dismissing as "normal" pregnancy pains... and of course I believed and trusted in him. He was the expert afterall.

The pain persisted and at my 19 week scan I asked the radiographer if she could see anything that would indicate why I was having these pains and if infact this pain was "normal". The first thing she said was that it sounded like a problem with my cervix and it was. I was funnelling and slightly dilated.

She sent me straight to my OB who ordered a week of bed rest with a follow-up at the end of the week. When I went back it had gotten worse so he ordered me to go home, pack a bag and come straight back to hospital for an emergency cerlage in the morning.

During my procedure my membranes ruptured. My OB suggested I induce labour as the risk of infection was very high but after having spoken to some of the midwives, I was told there was a very slight chance the baby could produce more fluid and I could continue on with the pregnancy. I think they said 2% chance but I was willing to take it! So we waited and prayed to no avail. I went into labour 5 days later and our son was born at 21 weeks. He lived for 25 minutes and was perfect.

After the labour, I had an acute infection and had to have 2 curettes in 2 weeks due to retained placenta products. For the past 2 months I have been seeing another OB/Gyno as I have no faith in my previous. I am so sad and disappointed that I gave him the warning signs and he didn?t even think to check my cervix when I had one of the classic symptoms of IC.

I am so sad all the time. I feel defeated and that life has gotten the better of me as I lost my mum just over a year ago as well. I can?t remember the last time I smiled and life just seems so hopeless.

It has been 2.5 months since my loss and I finally got the all clear from my new OB/Gyno that I can start trying again. I have had 2 periods and my lining at last check was 9mm. Is this good? Has anyone experienced a similar situation and if so, how long did it take you to get pregnant again?

[~clover~]

I just wanted to say good luck in the future & your ttc journey.
I'm sorry for your loss & hope you have a happier outcome next time.

[Baby Blue Eyes]

thank you for sharing your story I am so sorry for your loss.

[mrsmac]

Oh you poor darling having to go through all this. I lost my mum 6 years ago and I have found that every pain seems worse without her.
I hope that with a new obs you can have another bub who you will get to take home with you and love as much as its older sibling in heaven.

[dd0207]

Thanks for your kind words and encourgement ladies

[nickers]

im very sorry for your loss, its very understandable that you would have lost all faith in your ob, esp when u had been telling hm of these pains and it fogged off.
i hope you can fall pg soon when the time is right and with extra can can carry bub to term.
i know some woman with IC have a cervical stitch early in their pregnancy to help them through

[dd0207]

Thanks nickers. Yes it is so unfair when you pay high prices to get top care and he still cost me the life of my son because he didn't take my concerns seriously. He probably thought I was some neurotic first time mum to be (as this was my first pregnancy). It really saddens me because he was so highly recommended and is a very popular OB in Western Sydney - but it goes to show that all the initials at the end of a name means nothing. The new OB I have been seeing said he would put a stitch in at around 14 weeks but the first challenge is to get pregnant again soon!

[MeredithD]

What a heartbreaking loss! I am so sorry you have had to endure such trauma especially when the medical profession should have been there to help you.
Did your old OB have much to say on the whole matter? Like an apology!?
I pray you fall again very soon and can have the care you deserve with your new OB.

[Snacks]

Hi. I don't have any personal experience to share, but just wanted to welcome you here and tell you that I'm so sorry for your loss. I hope that you will find others who can relate and share some hope with you here. Take care.

[dd0207]

They never seem to admit when they're wrong do they but he did say "in hindsight I should not have sent you home for the week of bed rest and should have put the stitch in straight away" I guess he was saying that he misjudged the severity and if he put the stitch in it would have probably saved my sons life. It maddens me so much! I did lecture him on the importance of taking every woman's concerns seriously and taking the extra time to investigate even if it does sound like a "normal" pregnancy symptom to him. I really hope he does this with his future patients to save someone else going through what I went through.
I just can't thank you enough ladies for all your prayers and encourgement.

[lauraemma]

Thank you for sharing your story with us! Im very sorry for your loss I know how your feeling as i loss my son Cooper at 21 wks about a month ago. Im new on here aswell and I know that it has helped me just writing my story down and its so lovly getting kind msg's from other woman.
It makes me so angry that your ob has let you down!
Maybe our sons are playing in heaven together =)
And one day we will both have a brother or sister for our sons to watch over.
My thoughts are with you!

[brcttabitha]

i went through exactly what you did, i was pregnant with twins and at 21 weeks i lost them, i had the abdomenal pains like you said and i was dismissed saying it was probably just the babies moving or the uterus stretching, the next morning (which was fathers day) about 2am i had to go to the bathroom and was undecided if i really wanted to get out of bed to go, hehehe, i finally decided i really had to go, when i went i noticed a little blood, i went running into bedroom screaming for hubby to wake up and told him about the blood, so he tried calling the dr and while he was trying to get ahold of the dr for some reason i went back in bathroom and there was even more blood then first time, so hubby hung up phone and called 911, i was rushed up to the maternal ward and hooked up to fetal monitors, and the nurse had trouble finding both heartbeats cause babies were moving all around, finally she got them and said they sound good, so hubby went home to get some sleep and i stayed at hospital, well about 45 minutes later nurse checked me and said things weren't looking good and the dr had to examine me further, so i told the nurse to call my husband and tell him to come back to hospital, he said when he answered phone he knew it wasn't going to be good, he flew back to hospital and dr examined me and said these babies are coming, that my son had dropped into birth canal, some time later i started having contractions and nurses trying giving medicine through iv but nothing was working, i finally gave birth to my son at 9:41am and my daughter at 9:53am, they both passed away in hubbies arms, they lived for about 5 minutes give or take, so by the time i got to see them and hold them they had already passed away, we had them baptised, and dr told us that i was able to stay in hospital for the 3 days cause i had vaginal births, so we had babies stay with us the whole time in room with us, held them as much as possible, took pics, hospital told us about a professional picture guy that takes pictures for couples that loose there babies, so we had them contact him for us and he came in and took a bunch of different pictures and he put them on cd and has music playing in background, we had them cremated and now they are both in our bedrooms in there erns, we're doing a march of dimes walk september 27th in there memory, and october 4th we're releasing balloons as a memorial to them, everyone will be getting 2 balloons each, blue for matthew my son and purple for ashley my daughter, like you i switched obgyns for same reason as you, i meet with her next month, we'll also be seeing a maternal fetal medicine dr next week, we got pregnant by ivf, only had to do it once, they put 2 embryos in hoping 1 of the 2 would stay and both ended up staying, i had an appointment with my obgyn the monday before fathers day and she had told us after we lost them that it's common if a cervix is going to go that it goes at that time, well if that was the case why isn't she checked my cervix at the appointment that monday, especially since i was carrying twins and carrying low and have had complications in past with pregnancies. well i hope to hear back from you, it's nice to see that there's someone else who went what we did.

brtcttabitha

[kristi14]

I cant beleive your OB dismissed your concerns and all the warning signs.

To think your DS probably would have been fine if the OB had stopped and decided to investigate things proparly. You can never be too cautious i think.

I dont blame you for changing OB's.

I am so sorry for the loss you have experienced and what you have been through.

I suffered a similar thing with not being listened to, though i didnt have an incompetant cervix, my baby just passed away. With my angel, i woke up one morning at 18wks and just knew something wasnt right. I tried telling people over the next week and eventually they got out the doppler to look for the heartbeat, which they couldnt find. But i was told its hard to find them at that gestation and the mw could hear the baby kicking so it was all ok, i scored 10 out of 10, now go home and stop stressing. Which i did. Only to go to my 19 wk scan a week later at 19 wks 5 days, to be told the baby had passed away and had been gone for over a week. So she wasnt alive when the mw told me i scored 10 out of 10.

So often mothers concerns are overlooked when they should be listened too. I think the mothers instinct is the best guide and should always be investigated. If it turns out to be ok then thats excellent, its better to be safe than sorry.

I hope that you get the best of care the next time around and that you have a special little miracle soon. I got the best of care with my next pregnancy after i lost my angel, and they took every little anxiety i had seriously and checked and double checked to reassure me.

Wishing you all the best

[brcttabitha]

i know i am not happy at all that they dismissed me like that, a mothers instinct is a very strong thing and shouldn't be taken lightly, even though it was my first pregnancy that went that far along i should of been taken seriously especially with my history, i am so sorry for your loss also, i don't know how i could of handled that, i don't know how i even handled having to give birth to my 2 lil ones knowing they weren't going to make it, but some how i did it, also congrats on your new addition, very cute.

brtcttabitha

[dd0207]

Wow it's just overwhelming how many women have been through late losses. It's just not something you expect or hear about until you read these sad stories. This forum is a wonderful place and you discover that you are not alone.

Lauraemma I am so sorry about your loss and my thoughts are with you too. What a lovely thought that our boys are playing together in heaven, it really touched my heart.

brcttabitha & kristi, I am so sorry for your losses and your tragic experiences. I can't believe these doctors put every pain down as "normal". I wonder how many of our angels would have survived if only they took more care. It's so upsetting and unfair. Krsti I'm so glad you got extra special care with your next pregnancy. I will be insisting to be checked at least once a week with my next and will be as neurotic as I please!!

brcttabitha I am so glad that you are seeing another OB. There are NO 2ND CHANCES in my book. Keep us posted after your appt with her.The memorials you are doing for your 2 little angels is just beautiful. My DH and I got our son baptised as well and we buried him with my mum who passed away just over a year ago. Seeing his coffin placed next to hers was the 2nd saddest moment of my life but it brings me some comfort that they are together.

[kristi14]

brcttabitha- I agree, first pregnancy or 10th pregnancy, a mother should be treated with care and respect at all times and not brushed aside. Its amazing how before you are in the situation, you always think you wouldnt be able to cope with things like you did, like having to give birth knowing your little ones wouldnt make it. But when you are there, you seem to get through it. I was the same. After i found out our little one had passed, i shocked myself that i wasnt in a hurry to get her out. I really feel for you with your precious twins, Im so sorry that by the time you got to hold them or see them they had already passed. Sending you all the strength you need right now. Thanks for the congrats, she is the result of one extremely stressed out, worrysome pregnancy but all worth it. I hope you are holding one or two healthy babies very soon.

dd0207-

Krsti I'm so glad you got extra special care with your next pregnancy. I will be insisting to be checked at least once a week with my next and will be as neurotic as I please!!

ABSOLUTELY!! You make sure you do. I did. I saw my OB weekly around the time i lost my baby (so from 14 to 21wks) and any other time i said to her i was stressed and needed to come in a week instead of a fortnight. I saw her fortnightly if i didnt see her weekly. She was fantastic and extremely patient and kind. She had gone through the loss with me (she wasnt at fault so i stayed with her) and delivered her, so she did everything in her power to help keep me calm and happy. I found the mw's to be fantastic too and anytime i saw any of them for monitoring or something they would tell me if i was worried about anything, no matter how trivial, to make sure i ring and they would be more than happy to check me over. It was nice to be made to feel my anxiety was warranted and not just "silly and over reactive". Sending you lots of strength. I hope you are holding a happy healthy little bundle soon.

[brcttabitha]

dd0207-ty, yes i also wonder how many of our angels would of survived is dr's would of just taken up seriously, i will also be making sure dr's see me more often an demand to be seen when something seems out of the norm, hubby didn't want me switching OB's but i insisted, i wasn't going to go back to mine knowing i wasn't taken care of the way i should of been, there's no way i would of felt comfortable seeing her, yeah since we didn't have a funeral for our babies i was trying to figure out a way to honor there memory, so that's when i came up with the releasing of balloons, sorry to hear bout your loss of your mother, but she's taking care of your lil one until it comes time for you to join him.

Kristi14-yes no matter what number pregnancy dr's should take every one seriously, i had to switch OB's there was no way i could feel safe seeing her after what we went thru, yes it is sad that my babies had already passed away by the time i was able to see and hold them but i was happy that they were alive when hubby seen and held them, everytime they wold move inside me and i would call him over to come and feel they would stop moving, so in a way it was a good thing that he was able to hold them and feel them move after they were born even though it was for only a few minutes or so.

i will definitely keep you guys updated on how it goes when i meet with new OB next month and let you guys know when plan on trying to get preggo again.

brtcttabitha

[stanas]

I too am so so sorry for your loss. I'm sending you lots of :hugs: hugs:

We also lost our first child, our daughter Ava, at 18 weeks 4 days. None of the drs I have spoken with will say if it was IC or not and are not willing to put in the stitch either. I had very painful cramps for a week before my waters broke. Noone at the hospital checked to see if I was dialating or an ultrasound, nothing. Was sent home to wait and go into labour. 11 day later still nothing, was induced after u/s confirmed not a drop of fluid.

I also think that putting in the stitch and not needing it is better than them saying again, oops, we should have put the stitch in for you this time.

We have been trying for 2 months but it took us 14 months to fall with Ava anyway. My new Ob wants to see me weekly. And yes I will be one of those crazy pregnant ladies if any of the same signs start next time.

Hope you get what you need from your Dr. If you have more quieries I'm here anytime.
Take care and happy baby dancing!

Ava Lesley 18 weeks 4 days
Stanas