Living with the disappointment...

[Arimeh]

So here I am, 2.5 weeks after my c-section and although utterly ecstatic and thrilled that I have a healthy baby girl, still crushingly disappointed that I didn't get my VBAC. Sometimes I wish that I would wake up and it was all a dream, and that I'm still pregnant and I get to have my chance. I wanted my go at this. It hurts to read all the birth stories now from women who got to prove themselves and what their bodies could achieve, and I didn't get that. Probably will never get it. Its much harder to fight for a VBA2C than just one.

I sit here bawling my eyes out because ITS NOT FAIR. Why did my body fail me? I think that it failed me because I failed to have faith in it in the first place by choosing a c-section for the birth of Aricyn. If I hadn't of been so STUPID when pregnant with him, or if I had an OB who asked more questions when I said I wanted a c-section, instead of booking me straight in - then would I have found the power within myself to give birth naturally?

I just needed to get that out.

Thanks
xx

[Kitt3n]

Mel, I dont know what to say except

Just sucks xxx

[bjrose]

I'm sorry. I hope you feel better soon.

[christy]

oh Mel I can totally understand, after Matilda's birth I felt so let down by everything and so frustrated and angry with myself.

[~amysarah~]

Mel your decision was not stupid and you have not failed. Sometimes life just sucks and things don't work out the way we hope. None of it was your fault - you tried everything possible this time around and in the end it wouldn't have been safe for your little girl to stay in there any longer. I really do hope that you get to give it a shot the next time around.

I hope you know that you inspired so many women who followed your journey. You have so much to be proud of

[sushee]

Mel, I understand needing to mourn. I feel for your pain and your disappointment, and wanted to send you a huge .

[Trillian]

Awwwww Mel hunny, none of this is your fault - not Aricyn's birth nor Mehkelti's. I know it is cold comfort to you knowing that you didn't have a lot of choice at the end with the placenta deteriorating etc, but that was beyond your control. You did EVERYTHING in your power to educate yourself and that is empowering in itself. You became a voice on here to others contemplating their options and gave others the realisation that they did have a choice too.

Also in those last few weeks you had a lot of external pressure too from the nay-sayers who didn't give you the right support and even though well intended, the well-wishers who wanted to know if you were in labour yet and that they couldn't wait to hear a birth announcement - both good and bad it was all extra pressure you didn't need. And I fully believe that our subconcious plays a huge part in being able to fully let go kwim? To overcome our mind's power is a huge thing to do, but I never doubted for a minute that you would have done this Mel. Even when you had to make the biggest choice, you knew enough from what you'd learnt that an induction wasn't the best way to go for the health and safety of your little girl.

I can't answer when you will stop aching or when the tears will stop flowing, but I hope as you watch your little girl grow that the hurt in your heart gets less and less.

for you hun, you rock.

[MantaRay]

Mel, I have been expecting to see you post in here. Big hugs to you hun.

I know you are very disappointed, and I can understand that - I'm upset for you that you didn't get your VBAC! I don't want to diminish that in any way, and I know that it's not something that's going to go away over night. I hope though, that over time, you will also see what you did achieve. You DID do everything possible to educate yourself and prepare for a VBAC. You DID do an amazing job of coping when your princess decided not to arrive on time. You DID do everything possible to avoid a cs, and this was with quite a few things working against you. And You DID educate lots of others on the benefits of a VBAC and how to prepare for one. That in itself is a huge achievement and something to be proud of.

And one thing I know, is that if anyone wants a VBA2C and can get it - it will be you hun. More hugs to you. I am so sorry you didn't get your VBAC, but you are still amazing.

[Flowerchild]

I am hearing you - I can feel how difficult it is not to have the VBAC that you had planned on.
You have lost something important to you and that was to birth this baby vaginally - that is something that you need to grieve.

Yes, it is harder the more c/sections you have but it's not impossible. For this baby girl her way was this way and I do understand the grief that you are feeling.

We can't rewrite history (oh if only!), but each of these experiences that life gives us is another stitch in our tapestry - a piece of the parts that make us up.

I am giving you a long, warm and teary hug. Feel justified in your sadness and grief and take the time you need.

You know what? You are amazing! YOu are amazing because you are a woman. A woman who just birthed a beautiful baby. A Goddess - you gave another her life.

[youngmumof3]

i know how you feel i was hoping to have a vba2c but none of the dr's or midwifes would even let me try i was a mess for a couple of days after they booked my ceasar

[Michelle71]

Take the time to grieve your birth. Take the time to allow yourself to be angry - and ignore those that don't understand the need for both

I was consistently told by *do-gooders* during the pregnancy with DS that a c-section was ok to have, fine, no problem (he was breech). But the thing was - it was important to me. I didn't want my only vaginal birth to be a dead baby In the end he was a c-section but like you, I gave him and myself every opportunity to try the vaginal way. It just wasn't meant to happen. Doesn't mean I didn't grieve though.

A VBA2C is possible. You just need to find the right support - both medical and personal

[Tanstar]

Oh sweetheart I know you must be so disapppointed, you were so determined, so prepared and you really can say that you did do everything that you possibly could do to make it happen.

I also completely understand how you feel about your first birth - I'm there and haven't even had this baby yet, they WHY's go through your head, but you can't change it and it is so difficult. You need time to grieve and come to terms with it babe, talk about it as much as you can, with whoever you can. It is OK to feel anger, disappointment, saddness and grief over this and I think it's important to work through it all so you can move on.
You know we are all here for you babe.

[Nelle]

I'm sorry that you're disappointed. I don't understand how you feel, but I can try to imagine how diappointed you must feel. You worked so hard for this, like a VBAC Olympian or something. And you didn't get your desired outcome - but I hope and pray that you will be able to find some good in this (apart from the obvious, which is Mekhelti), and hold your new knowledge dear to you, without looking back on the birth with regret. You're ace Mel.

[Rosehip_Fairy]

Hugs to you Lovely. I really have no words but just wanted to offer some support and a shoulder if you needed one to cry on.

[*charmalea*]

bug hugs hun !!

what do you mean by :if you werent so stupid when you were pg with aricyn ???:
i dont think you are stupid at all ...

[Arimeh]

Thanks for understanding guys. All your responses have let loose a fresh stream of tears - I think I needed a big release

Lea - I was stupid with Aricyn because I wanted the c-section from the get go. Never crossed my mind that I could actually birth my baby vaginally, just thought c-section was the way to go. I had been told many things about giving birth naturally and thought that I would be one of those chicks that just couldn't do it. So didn't cross my mind to research my decision - just was easier to go with it. So I was stupid for believing all the people that told me the reasons I couldn't give birth naturally, and stupid for not believing in myself until it was too late. I'll always kick myself up the rear end for that!

[Nelle]

Cailin (I think it's Cailin) often says (I think this is what she says :P) that you make the best decision you can with the knowledge you have at that time. Don't kick yourself for the stuff you didn't know back then - look what you just attempted with your new knowledge, that is totally something to be so proud of.

[christy]

Sounds very Cailin like Nelle

And I agree. I have had to make decisions over and over again as a parent that I wouldn't make in hindsight. Like weaning Matilda onto formula because the doctors said too... not the best option for someone allergic to cows milk. You can't beat yourself up for those things okay? If you do, I'll have to get my bum into the car & beat you up for it :P