Potential/Current Donors Discussion Thread #1

[tiggerandpooh]

Me too Dusty - I'm glad I asked the question. it seems there are more people out there thinking the same thing as me.... Yay!

[dusty]

I am so glad you asked the question too Vicki
xx

[Lulu2]

If you read Melbournes Child (or Sydneys/Adelaide) in the back there are always HEAPS of couples requesting a donor.

Dusty, do you know why the ads in the paper are required to have permission from the Govt? I have seen other requests on another forum and they don't seem to need anything...

[mrsmac]

I have thought about egg donation but sadly I am too old. Its a shame that there are age limits since now so many women are leaving having their families until they are older but I guess they have them for a reason.

[AJP]

i too have thought about donating at some point too.
dusty i only noticed earlier today that your sister was donating and was almost crying, such a lovely thing to do, to help someone else experience the joy of being a mum, we all should have the chance

[anney]

Dusty and Lulu,
excuse me butting in, but I thought I would answer Lulu's question regarding the adverts. As with heaps of things, guidelines vary from state to state re both egg and sperm donation. Victoria is the only state in which you need to get the Health Minister's approval to advertise for an egg donor. So in Melbourne's child most adverts will have that blurb about " has been approved by minister of health" but anyone living in another state doesn't need to do that. On the plus side for us Victorians though, some states have a cooling off period where you have your counselling and then have to wait 3 or 6 months to actually cycle. i think I heard of someone in WA, who did the donation but the embryos had to be frozen for a cooling off period of 3 to 6 months.
Hoody, that is strange about your sister being told she was too old. 32 is definitely not too old. when I started this process about 3 years ago the ages were generally 21 to 35 but in the past few years clinics seem to have lifted the age to 37 or 38. Certainly the FS does sometimes have a say, but dissing a donor for being 32 would not be usual.
Great to see so many people interested in this topic. Might see you all over in the egg donor forum that Dusty mentioned. It is a really interesting place where you can learn more than you ever wanted to know about fertility (or lack thereof!) . And it is very supportive and friendly. There is an egg donation thread on belly belly under the assisted conception area where a few of us have put some details re the ins and outs of the social and medical aspects to egg donation, but I can't find it right now. I will go have another look.
MrsMac, yes the upper age limit is there because women's fertility does decline markedly after 37 or 38 and they don't want to put someone through the donation experience with a reduced chance of success. (some people might say, it does not look good for the clinic's stats.) For all prospective donors they do test for indications of fertility (although there is no definitive test) and I have heard of 39 year old donors being accepted.
Having said that even being young there is no guarantee of people being able to donate. On the egg donation site there have been a few donors who had no problems having their own children but when they donated, their ovaries did not respond to the drugs and they could not end up donating. the female body really is quite amazing!

[sushee]

Ladies, we actually do have an existing donor conception area AND a prospective/current donors thread, so will merge this thread with that one.

[alioops]

I think this thread needs a revival!

I am Ali. I have 2 gorgeous DDs and am about to TTC again, using the shettles method in hopes of a boy. Once we have had #3 we will not have any more babies. I plan to donate my eggs as soon as I can after completing my family. So in about 2 years I hope to be on the drugs for egg donation.

I am the one that gave dusty the details for that site, and i have noticed a few of you in there lately! Oh that makes me feel like the little bit of info I have looked into is being shared by all and giving me warm fuzzy vibes

So Donors and Potential donors, What do you say, we start really chatting?

[alioops]

Come on Girls! I know I'm not the only PED on BB! Even if it is in the back of your thoughts, you are still thinking about it.

[tiggerandpooh]

ali - I was... but have reconsidered. i think its a wonderful gift to give to someone - the opportunity to have a child. My eggs are aged.. I'm 38, and while I think I could have another one, i don't think a FS would be interested. if that makes sense

[pisces00]

Yep, there are others out here that donate - i have done 39 ( just finished!) cycles and have 17 children and one on the way ( donor kids that is). I have to say it is the single most rewarding thing i have ever done - the couples i have met and donated to have all been couples who have found me by fate or word of mouth and all have bent over backwardsto become parents. I am lucky enough to see half of my donor kids and this is always instigated by their parents, for dinner or coffee. I get photos emailed and descriptions of their first day at kinda etc. I feel that i am the lucky one who has learnt patience, understanding and different view on howlove and determination can bond a couple and carry them through a very difficult time. I also know others who have donated who havent hadsuch luck.

[~ dragonfly ~]

i offered to donate to my sis whe she was going thru infertility and i had three live ones under four (at 28)...happily she managed to have two without me. my only regret now is that i am too old to do it for myself (i can conceive but not carry) and my remaining eggs are too old too..
go the ladies who are willing to donate, this is a precious gift.

[SD2001]

Hi all,

I am a de-identified donor (SD) for an IVF clinic in Sydney. Overall the experience has been good and I am sincerely happy to have helped my recipients to complete their families.

Now I am curious to chat with other donors and recipients about their experiences.

Are there any other anonymous or de-identified SD or ED out there reading this who donate through a clinic? I would be happy to chat with you about your thoughts and experience with your clinic. Which city/state do you live in? How does your clinic treat you? What does your clinic tell you about the recipients?

Also, some questions for donor recipients: What sort of details do the clinics tell you about us donors? How is your experience with the clinics? Which procedures do you generally utilise ... IUI, IVF or ICSI? Do you ever consider sending a thank you message to your donor?

Thanks
SD2001

[dusty]

Hi SD2001 Welcome to Belly Belly.
It is a wonderful thing you have done. I know how much of a differece it can make to so many lives.
I use known (sister) ED so I can't answer your questions directly, but I do know different people respond in different ways with regards to unknown SD.

Perhaps I can ask how do you feel about being unidentified to your recipient? Is there an option to do known donation through your clinic? Would you like to receive contact from your recipient?

I thought that by asking your questions you might want to share your feelings and experiences with us.
Once again thank you for caring to help families have the best chance to have children.

[SD2001]

Originally Posted by dusty

Hi SD2001 Welcome to Belly Belly.
It is a wonderful thing you have done. I know how much of a differece it can make to so many lives.

Hi Dusty,

Thank you.

I certainly hope that I have made a difference to the lives of my recipients. It is hard for SDs to really know what difference they have made as the recipients do not usually thank them. 10 recipient families have utilised my donations and not a single family said thank you. Maybe something for the recipients out there to consider next time you spare a thought for your donor?

I use known (sister) ED so I can't answer your questions directly, but I do know different people respond in different ways with regards to unknown SD.

Perhaps I can ask how do you feel about being unidentified to your recipient? Is there an option to do known donation through your clinic? Would you like to receive contact from your recipient?

That was nice of your sister.

I have no issue with contact with my recipients. I would be happy to communicate with them if they so desired. My clinic has a facility where any of my recipients can contact me via the clinic but no recipients have ever done so.

Yes, my clinic now does known donations but that was not an option for me at the time. The limit is 10 families and I have no more "slots" left.

Individual staff at my clinic are very good to me, but overall the clinic treats me as a commodity. We do not get paid (and no, I do not want to be paid), we don't get a thank you from the recipients, and once we have finished all our donations the clinic basically would be happy for us to "go away". The person in charge of liasing with SDs is a lab technician and not a councillor, and he has dreadful people skills. This could be part of the reason for the drop in numbers of SDs in recent years.

What are your thoughts regarding known vs unknown donors?

SD2001

[Gargy]

Hi SD2001,

I have used sperm from an unknown donor in the past, however unfortunately both pregnancies did not take.

Then my clinic told me that they had completely run out of donors, and it was a mad scramble for myself and my DH to get our heads around taking up the offer of a friend to use his sperm.

TBH, had the pregnancy come to full term I probably would have contacted the donor once my child had turned 18 - which is now by law what you need to do.

As it is I will not be contacting the unknown donor - it is too painful a reminder of my failure to fall pregnant. And given this has been a hard, long road already, I don't need any more pain.

I'd say the drop in numbers of sperm donors has more to do with the change in law - no-one is allowed to be anonymous now unless they bypass the clinics and do-it-themselves.
There are very few people that are willing to be contacted once their biological offspring turns 18. Or if there are, they are not going to the clinics in large numbers.

The person in charge of liasing with SDs is a lab technician and not a councillor, and he has dreadful people skills.

That's interesting, because my known donor was allowed to access counselling through the clinic. I thought it was mandatory for you to access counselling before you made a decision to donate.

At first we went with an unknown donor because it was the best option at the time. However the clinic running out has given us a wonderful new relationship with my friend that I would never have previously known about. I thank the universe every time I can for this friend coming into our lives.

[SD2001]

Hi Gargy,

Sorry to hear of your unsuccessful attempts using an unknown SD.

Donors are not told of recipients who have unsuccessfully utilised their donations, so your donor would not have even known that you were TTC with their donations. In such a situation I do not think a thank you note is necessary as the donor would never be told by the clinic and the outcome for you was not successful.

When I was mentioning the thank you notes, I guess I was meaning the successful recipient families as they are all that the donor is told about by the clinic. However, I guess it is the thought that counts.

Sorry to hear your clinic "ran out of donors". My understanding is that the clinic allocates "slots" to recipient families to ensure that the recipient limit is not exceeded for a SD. Then there is a limit of the number of attempts before the slot is allocated to another recipient family, but I am not exactly sure of the number of attempts. I guess it was two at your clinic at the time. There was also the situation back in 2006 where the clinics temporarily reduced the maximum number of recipient families from 10 back to 5 in preparation for the new legislation that was to eventually come out in NSW, but they quickly changed it back to 10 until the legislation was enacted (it is getting close but the fine print is still not completed yet). I was just as confused as the recipients at this time as one minute they said the limit was now reduced to 5, and my recipient family limit had been reached, and then they said it was back to 10 and could I come in for more donations.

Yes, SDs must go to a councillor before they are accepted as a donor, and they can utilise the services of the councillor at any time, as required. But the primary contact at the clinic is then transferred to a lab technician. So if I want to find out any new information regarding births etc then my current contact is a male lab technician who basically sees SDs as an interruption to his work. I believe the ED contact is a female councillor. I am curious as to why we are treated differently?

How did things go with your known SD?

SD2001

[Gargy]

Regarding the thankyou - I'd say (at a guess) that you may not hear anything until the child(ren) reach 18. This is the advice that is drummed into parents - must contact donor when child reaches 18 - so I'd say no-one would have had the thought to thank the donor when the child was young. You also have to hope that people do follow clinic advice to tell the child of their true origins. Sadly, some still do not.

As to my situation, the clinic had 3 sperm donors available in 2006. I used one twice, then had to go and have an operation (not related). By the time I went back to IVF the 3 donors had reached their 10 family limit, and there was no-one else on the books. The only suggestion they had was to go onto a waiting list.

Luckily the night before this happened we had dinner with our friend and told him everything that was going on. He was very willing to help.

Can't advise you on the female contact person for ED as I have not gone down this path. Is there some sort of exit strategy that the clinic has, where you can advise them on better procedures for the future?

We attempted IUI with our known donor earlier this year, but it did not work. Shortly we will be using IVF (Monday in fact). As to our journey, well, some days are better than others! You are welcome to look at my blog to read about our journey in more detail.