Why Is It Anyone Elses Business?

[laura133]

i think everyone should be entitled to their own opinion.
I really wanted a water birth with no drugs (wasnt keen on home birth) but i wouldnt stop anyone doing it.
the hospital i chose didnt have the facility to have a water birth so that was out of the question. and for the drug free part i was doing really well untill near the end when i was starting panicking and that was making everything worse so the nurse gave me pethadine.

But im all for your plans!!!!
when ppl ask just tell the truth u dont need to justify ur decisions to anyone.

[Kitt3n]

Hun, i think your ideas rock.

Even if i didnt, who cares?! Its your day not theirs, stuff em!!

[PinkPalace]

Calebsmum4eva

I just want to say i think your birth plan is completely achievable and i dont know why people doubt it?

I have a drug free birth and stayed at home so late that i almost delivered in the ambulance (10minutes after arriving i delievered).

No water birth - didnt have the time to jump in hehe...

So go for it and good luck!

[SammyRo]

Hiya, your birth plan sounds great! Hope things go according to plan. I agree with Leasha, and just say this is what we want but if things change, then we'll see what happens. Thats how I got round it all. And I did succed and have a drug free birth - much to the amazement of the midwives - Alyssa was persistant posterior so came out sunny side up. It hurt lots, but it being my first, I didn't realise that it was any more painful than if she had come out the right way. (we didn't realise she was posterior as she wasn't on a scan the week before), and luckily, the midwive didn't suggest any pain relief because she knew that we didn't want it. Ours was in a birthing centre as well - they are fantastic, but being in the hospital, we also had the advantage of getting the help we needed immediately after the birth. Also, being flexible like it sounds you are, really helps when things don't go according to plan (our labour did, but the afterbirth didn't).

Good luck and hopefully you can tell people to stick it up their bums afterwards when you've managed to have the birth your way!

[KrystieLove]

When people ask just tell them you are planning on getting a good strong piece of string, tying one end around the baby's feet and the other to a door knob, then slamming the door and pulling the baby out like a tooth!

But seriously, I think your plan is great and is definitely along the lines I would like to take when I get to experience the miracle of birth.

Trust in yourself and in your body and don't worry about anyone else

[hoobley]

Kell wait until after the birth! If i have ONE more person say "A HOMEBIRTH!?? WHAT, ON PURPOSE!?" i'm going to spit! It is really annoying, especially now in front of DD, whose eyes widen at their tone- next i'll be defending the birth to HER! lol. People are just trying to be helpful but because every woman, every labour and every baby are so individual they don't get that THEIR way isn't the only way.

I once lost it with a work colleague when she was questioning my intentions/chance of "success" with my un-drugged home birth.

Her: You're having a homebirth!?
Me: Yes.
Her: But what about the DRUGS?
Me: I can have gas and air and morphine at home.
Her: But what about the REAL drugs!?
Me: i hope not to need them, since i can't have them anyway.
Her: But home birth is SO SO dangerous, didn't your Ob try to stop you?!
Me: (getting annoyed now) NO, my OB signed my homebirth off to the midwives!
Her: Well, you should get a new ob, he sounds like a cowboy.
Me: *sigh*
Her: I can't believe you're really going to risk a homebirth.
Me: You know, you're right. It is probably going to kill us both. I'm going to book an elective c-section at 38 weeks instead.
Her: But c-sections are REALLY bad.
Me: right, could you maybe write down a GOOD birth plan then, because i don't know what you did, so i obviously don't know the right way. In fact don't show it to me, pick me an ob and send it straight to him!

She later told my boss i was "very touchy with the hormones"

Bx

[BellyBelly]

I know loads of people in your situation who tell people nothing. They just say they are having the baby at the xx hospital and thats that. If they ask about drugs, 'We'll see how we go.' Sad to be so elusive but so many do this then tell them afterwards about the birth to save all the stress. I feel your frustration!!!

[Trish]

Opinions are like bum holes, everybody has one. Unfortunately the minute you are pregnant everyone wants to offer theirs to you.

I too copped a lot of crap when I told people we were planning a homebirth for Tehya. I think by the time I had Abbey my family and IL's knew better than to say anything.

I think your birth plans sound fantastic. Stick to your guns huni. You will do an awesome job.

[CalebsMum4Eva]

Thanks so much for all your support and positive comments. I feel so much better today and I think I am working through my 'issues'. LOL.
I am so glad I have all you ladies to bounce ideas and frustrations on!

You are all wonderful!

[Nicambhar]

I love your birth plan Kell. Must get one together myself because I know exactly what I want and don't want be it a c/s or natural.
I reckon the way to go it to either distance yourself from the negative people or if the conversation turns to labour and birth, change it quick smart. I think that distancing yourself is the go, because I am a big believer in the power of positive thinking and interfering, negative comments do not help at all.
My birth is so up in the air atm I am confused myself as each doctor that I see has a different opinion. But in the begining I had MIL try to plan my c/s around her holiday and DF's DD saying it doesn't suit her because she has exams - well stiff s**t, don't come up, it doesn't bother me none LOL..
Good luck.

[Jas]

Hi Kell,

Just wanted to say I think your birth plan sounds fantastic.

Look all these people didn't help get the baby in there and they're not going to help get the baby out either so they should mind their own business!!

The thing is that surrounding labour and birth there are a lot of misconceptions and a lot of people have no idea what they are talking about, it is especially annoying to be told by women who have never been in labour how crazy you are to aim to go drug free!!

Throughout my pregnancy I had my sister in law comment and tell me I should have an epidural even though she has no experience.

You can do your best to inform them and try and change their perceptions but it is unlikely to work with everyone so either keep being annoyed at them or maybe do keep it a secret just say you have your plans but have decided to keep them private or something all=ong those ways.

that way if anything doesn't go exactly the way you have planned it because you change your mind at the time or for whatever reason you won't have to be annoyed later by these ppl think and or saying i told you so.

[Milly]

Hi Kel:

Well i think everyone else has said it so well but i also just wanted to let you know that yes it is upsetting feeling like you have to justify your actions. When i get really upset i just say to myself "remember this if i ever want to pass judgement on someone else" and this does help me.......

I also wanted to say, the whole drug thing seems funny to me. Would i get an epi for stubbing my toe? would i rush to hospital to have people help me with a paper cut?? NO so WHY would i do it in labour. I dont often say it to other women for the looks or comments i get but there has been NO part of my two labours that i would call painful. Yes there were times in transition with my first DD at i was scared but even that seems to be a too stronger word. I am having a home birth as know one can explain to me why i WOULD go to hospial again. Ill be the first to jump at intervention if NEEDED but NO i will no go to hospital and offer myself up for intervention. I too am a RN and have worked in NICU and ED. I have seen people have negitive outcomes FAR too often to want to enter a hospital for something so natural and easy. I am just so thankful that i came to this place and had the confidence to stand up for myself against this medical model.

I am also one of those FREAKS that have BF my DD's for over 18months, only stopping when they wanted to.

I choose carefully who i tell about what we are planning. I meantioned it to my new rich ***** playgroup the other day just to see them choke on their tea after the 4th one asked me who was doing my C'sec?? My Inlaws have no idea and wont til after the fact. I am lucky that my mum was a MW and is supportive, infact she meantioned to me that i should have one before i got up the guts to tell anyone i was thinking about it. MY DH would not have chosen it but he respects my professional and personal stand on the matter.

I am also having a home birth NOT so my DD's feel like they have too but so they have the confidence to be able to say my mum could do it. this is the same reason i BF in public and dont give my DD's bottles to play with their dolls. I want to show them a positive "norm" and not one manufactured by BIG companies and goverments...

Be proud and sometimes if you dont have the energy say "Yes booked in to have my Csec and cant wait for those drugs LOL"

good luck

[CalebsMum4Eva]

Hi ladies! I am feeling much more confident in voicing my opinion about what DF and I want. Other ppl who don't respect that can get s****ed! LOL
I was rather disappointed in my Mum the other day though.... I'll try to keep it brief.
Mum is looking after Baby during our Wedding ceremony. Baby will be approx 10wks. Initially I was going to express and get her to bottle Baby if Baby is hungry at that time. I have now decided to show Mum how to 'finger feed' if Baby is hungry during the ceremony, as DF and I have chosen not to use bottles.
Mum stated that my DS 'went back and forth fine, so why can't this one?' I explained why we WANTED it this way, and I actually heard her sigh!
Second thing, she realised I want to go home same day if possible after the birth, she wants to know why I don't stay and rest. Im not sick, I said, she still thinks I'd be 'better off' staying. Mum is coming to the delivery as a support person for DS, but now Im worried that she will be focusing on me instead of him, and maybe even make suggestions during the labour which we DON'T WANT.
I think I might have to print out our Birth Plan and show her, and sit down with her and go through everything so she 'gets it' and I am happy. What do you think?

[Trish]

Kell, Mum's hey, got to love em

Who know's, bub might last long enough to get through your ceremony and you can feed it straight afterwards. Just make sure you get a picture of you and bub feeding in your wedding dress. !!

Why not go a step further and give your mum her own copy of your birth plan. Tell her she has to keep a holdof one when you are in labour to make sure that all on it is adhered to, (as much as possible of course) I gave my mum a copy of mine when I went in to have my c section with Noah. She knew all of my "rules" and was terrific in making sure they happened for me.

Remember in your mums day women stayed in hospital for a week after the birth. Not so now. Then again they also stayed at home and did precious little after birth. Again not so, we usually don't have that luxury. There is less rest staying in hosp anyway, everyone elses babies screaming and the nurses making a noise.

Try not to stress too much about it hun. You bub will be here soon enough. I hope the rest of your pregnancy goes smoothly and you get your empowering birth experience

[Schmickers]

Yes, absolutely. I'd show your Birth Plan to her. Some older women get defensive about things like this through a misplaced sense of guilt that they did have the drugs, lie on their back, and follow dutifully the advice that well meaning and misguided OBs gave them. So maybe you could acknowledge that? Say something like "I know you did things different when we were born, but you did what you thought was the best thing for us, and now I'm doing what we think is the best thing for my baby - we have just learned new things in the last generation."

You also have a right to have your baby fed the way you want. Maybe you need to spell it out to her that her options are to finger feed her, or not to feed her at all, because you'll keep her with you. That might change her mind.

[Lulu2]

I find it too noisy and too full of interruptions. The food usually ...well, I'd rather be home and make my own tea and toast.

[Falguni]

Your birth plan sounds fantastic, i wish you all the best of luck.

I would definately try and get your mum to understand all your wishes, and the reasons behind them. It wont be benificial to you, to have ANYONE there who is not 100% behind you and your goals. Having someone there who is not supporting your choices, could really effect you achieveing the birth you want.

And like everyone else has said, i'd give as little info as possible to people who are likely to be negative.

Can't wait to hear how it all goes.

[CalebsMum4Eva]

Thanks Everyone. Have decided to show Mum our Birth Plan. I am sure it won't be as bad as my head made it seem at 2am!!!!! (darn insomnia)

Trish ~ Oh definitely I will be getting a picture of me BF in my dress, won't be particularly graceful due to the type of gown, but it will be a precious moment never relived.

Will let you all know how the 'show n tell' with Mum goes.