Long Term Assisted Conception - May 2008

[Hollybolly]

Just checking in.. its been a little quiet in here for a couple of days...

Chez, hun - I hope you're making through each day a little easier than the one previously - There are just no words that help at all, but I CAN say from experience that no matter what is going through your mind right now, chances are it will change.
If you think there is no way you can find the courage to do this again... let yourself feel that way for as long as you need, but I can say that if you're hoping for that courage and strength to pull from to try again... it will find its way back to you I promise xxx

BG - That goes for you too, lovely

There are just so many options out there to try - but only look at them when your mind - and more importantly your heart - is ready to look at them.
As you heal a little more each day, the courage and strength will shine just that little bit brighter until it presents itself to be a beaming ray of sunshine again

In the meantime, I am sending lots of hugs to both of you to help it feel that little bit easier

Sonya - Hoping the 2ww isn't taking its toll too much right now - Hoping its going incredibly fast and blissful for you (if at all thats possible )

BW - Thinking of you xxx

Lou - Will send you a text tomorrow to see how things are with you - you know I'm thinking of you always and always here if you need me xxx

A big hello to everyone else!

As for me - Saw my chinese herbalist today for some more herbs... the last 3 cycles I think my body thinks its doing its own IVF cycle ... CD 9-16 have become unbearable in terms of pain and swelling (It feels like I'm doing a REALLY high dose stim cycle).. and the past few days its been impossible to put any pants on that require a button, just hurting my tummy way too much.
The amount of EWCM is crazy... I know its good to know my body is doing what it should be at the right time in my cycle, but OMG!!!

Hopefully the herbs will settle my tummy down a little - I look like I'm pg, because its only my tummy swelling and not the rest of me!

Fingers crossed they start to work over the weekend!!!

xxx

[Hollybolly]

Far out its quiet in here

Just checking in... Sonya, hows the 2ww going hun??? Hope all is looking fantastic

Hope everyone is wonderful xxx

[Megan]

It is quiet in here at the moment!
Sonya, where are you? Hope things are going ok.

I'm not doing much at the moment. Saw FS today about those dodgy test results I had a few weeks back and we are good to go ahead with our next cycle. So, since I'm on CD22 now, that will still be about 4 weeks away until I start my gonal-f injections. So, I'm just waiting it out.
Hope everyone is well.

[sonya1]

Hi everybody, hope you are all well. sorry i have been hiding

AF started on day of BT, my prog levels were so high the nurse says my body is behaving as if there is a pregnancy, but no baby levels detected.

really sad as i only have 1 embie left and not sure if we can emotionally or financially do another stim cycle if bubsicle doesnt work out.

my angel baby was due today, so DH taking me out for dinner to take my mind off it.

and to top it all of, my SIL who has always competed with us has now gone off the pill and is trying for another. she falls preg easily and will be expecting in no time. its sad that all the continued questions about IVF were only tactical reasons. i didnt tell her about any of this cycle until last week so she had decided not to try again, but now she knows we trying again, so is she. it aggravates me, but maybe i am just being self-centred and selfish.

oh well. enough doom and gloom, starting my FET cycle mid july, here's hoping its "THE ONE"

take care everybody and have a wonderful weekend....

[Hollybolly]

Sonya, I'm so sorry hun xxx

There are no words that are good enough right now, but know that I'm feeling for you xxx
Take care of yourself this weekend... and have a fantastic bottle of wine or something extra naughty over dinner tonight

Originally Posted by sonya1

and to top it all of, my SIL who has always competed with us has now gone off the pill and is trying for another. she falls preg easily and will be expecting in no time. its sad that all the continued questions about IVF were only tactical reasons. i didnt tell her about any of this cycle until last week so she had decided not to try again, but now she knows we trying again, so is she. it aggravates me, but maybe i am just being self-centred and selfish.

Just wanted to say don't be silly... you are MOST DEFINATELY NOT selfish and self centred... I have someone exactly the same in my life too... 1st baby conceived within a few weeks of our first transfer.... 2nd baby conceived the same time as our last transfer
I understand the annoyance of the competing

I get it with everything... how much $$ we have compared to them, how much I weigh compared to her, what our car is ike compared to theirs... how much time PIL spend with them as opposed to us.... I'm hearing you xxx
The hardest part to take is how much they relish in their success of 'one up on you'

Don't let it get to you hun... you are so much the better person for not competing from your side... and take some advice from my DH... Don't tell absolutley anyone in the family anything that you don't want those particular family members to know!!!
I swear our next cycle, anyone on DH's side will be so ignorant to anything going on....

Lots and lots of love your way sweetheart xxx

[Hollybolly]

And I have EVERYTHING crossed for the July cycle too

[butterfly_warrior]

Sonya, I'm so sorry to hear about your cycle. I will keep everything crossed for your last little bubsicle.

Holly, are you cycling soon?

BW

[Hollybolly]

BW - Thanks for asking

DH still has the sperm sample to go... it has just been ridiculous with the business opening.. we just haven't had time for anything else
I was only whinging about it to him a few days ago

Sample was supposed to be done yesterday.. but no time.. so we're HOPING this week!!!

As soon as its done, we're seeing Dr S and then starting.
I'm hoping to start CD21 of next cycle.. which is approx a cycle away (as long as there's nothing stopping us with the sample)

Its been so long... it will be 2 years in November since our last cycle

It had better be worth the damn wait

[Megan]

Holly, hope everything goes to plan this week and your DH can get the SA done.
All going to plan, we could be going at the same time. I'm due to start CD 21 next month as well (about 4 weeks away).

Sonya, so sorry to hear your news. :hugs: I know there are no words that can make things better for you, but I am thinking of you.

BG, how are you?

[briggsy's girl]

firstly Sonya - i'm so sorry - i read your post and could have sworn i posted earlier than this!!! maybe my puter has gremlins that ate my post or something! i think what you've posted about your SIL is happening to a lot of people - and it drives me insane! being competitive in some aspects of life is healthy, but to be competitive (and downright b!tchy if you ask me) about becoming pregnant is just a very low act! My SIL has had to deal with this from one of her ex-SIL's during each of her pregnancies - to the point that said ex-SIL did a lot of stuff against medical advice so as to encourage pre-eclampsia and put both herself and her daughter at risk, JUST to give birth to the first grand daughter in SIL's family. she then stated she'd never have more children, only to be pg again within weeks of SIL announcing both second and third pregnancies. i don't understand that kind of behaviour. i can only send you massive cyber hugs and truck loads of understanding! hoping you'll be pg well before her from that solo frosty babe and then you can stick it up her - at least you KNOW your baby is much wanted and will be much loved, not simply a trophy to show that you're able to achieve something someone else can't

Holly, hoping your DH can get his sample tested soon so that you can kick off again. hoping both you and Megan can join Sonya in getting July BFP's!

as for me - well, i guess i need to offer a second apology for being seemingly AWOL of late. i've just had a really tough time dealing with everything that has happened, and facing the prospect of another full stim cycle - and trying to coordinate that with DH working away. i know his boss is the most fantastic boss and will have him here when i NEED him physically, but trying to sort my self out so that i don't need him here emotionally for the rest of the cycle is scaring the cr@p out of me. add to that a chiro who has asked me to speak to my GP about a potential diagnosis of Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, and i'm one freaked out little vegemite! i don't want to be told i have CFS - but at the same time, if i am, it might help with finding coping mechanisms! and being "labelled" will help with getting some more understanding at work - its hard to be at work and feel so damn flat after lunch, and to get absolutely NO understanding!

[Chez67]

Hi everyone

Sorry to have been MIA - I just haven't been up to sharing emotionally with what is going on with us at the moment. But before I get onto that, some personals...

Sonya - I am so sorry about your bt results. I was hoping that you would be successful when we weren't. And while I don't have the same competition thing going on with family that you have, there is certainly perceived pressure on me from my mum as I am the only daughter and the only child remaining not to have given her a grandchild. And I can't talk to her about our TTC problems - she probably thinks we are just being selfish and being childless deliberately! But I do understand about not being sure we can financially and emtionally cope with another cycle. Hopefully you won't need to make that decision if your FET works out! Thinking of you

BG - sorry to hear that you are still not feeling well. You're right, maybe having a label of CFS will help people at work understand you a bit better. It is unfortunate that we need to label people to accept them in our lives, even if it is in a work sense. Anyway, I hope you get some answers soon

Holly - hi - I hope DH can find the time this week to get his SA done. How's the new business going? Thinking of you for your next cycle Hopefully it has been worth the wait!

Megan - glad to hear you finally got those bt results sorted out. The next 4 weeks will fly I am sure!

BW - hope all is well with you. I haven't had a chance to catch up with your journal but will try to pop in.

Hi Lissie and Daisy - hope you are both well...

Anyway, a quick update on me. DF and I have had a long talk about our future with IVF. We are both doubtful as to whether it really provides us with any answers. I spoke to AP this week about my friend who has offered her eggs - she produces about 30 in a cycle but had fert problems apparently. I haven't gone into the details with her but I think she did 2 or 3 cycles the last of which ended up at miscarriage at about the 10 or 12 week mark from memory. My AP said that there is no way they would take her eggs - she is the same age as me so no benefit there and she has not successfully carried a pg. So that is that. Not that I was really sure about the donor egg thing, but at least we know where we stand with it. So, we are going to continue with herbs and AP and try naturally. I think I have pretty much resigned myself to the fact that if we do fall pg, it will be a miracle and yes I know miracles happen, they also more often than not, don't happen. So I am trying to pick myself up and dust myself off and move on with our life - planning our wedding next year and honeymoon - both of which will be overseas. It is going to cost an absolute packet, but we are both looking forward to it. So it is something for me to focus on and each day I am finding that I am getting stronger and I don't collapse in a ball of tears whenever I see a baby in the street or on TV... you all know what I mean.

Anyway, that's it from me. I am not sure how often I will be popping in to say hi but I will keep reading even if I don't post.

Take care lovely ladies, it has been a pleasure knowing you. You have all been such a wealth of support and friendship in this IVF journey. I truly wish you all lots of luck in your journey, wherever it may take you.

Cherylxxx

[Hollybolly]

Chez xxx

Sweetheart, take the time to enjoy the next 12 months + planning & enjoying your wedding and honeymoon.

DH & I have had 2 yrs (almost!) off AC altogether - some of the time was by choice (we wanted to take the time for a wedding & honeymoon as well... and spend some $$ on other things besides IVF and doctors.)

We had the $$ put aside to go overseas, live with a few extra nice things, and pay for a wedding (which although was small enough still seemed to cost enough as well! )

I find now that I'm fine with babies & pregnant bellies (I still have my moments, but I'm wondering if that is something us LTAC'ers will always have... even after we have finished having our children???)

Its a bizarre thing to comprehend, but I think its something that will never leave me... if that makes sense.

Anyway, I've scooted a little off track, but my point was that with the big break and lovely things I had happening in my life.. the pain has become something that is only 'just' there now.

I've built up the personal strength to go again - with a much, much needed breath of new air & hope instilled inside of me.

Maybe you guys will go again with the IVF... (or AC).. maybe not - but from experience, the break & time to focus on something POSITIVE happening in your life (like your wedding) will do you the world of good.. it did for me

[sonya1]

Chez - best wishes for the natural miracle... it does happen!

good friends of our did 10 cycles of ivf as DH had low swimmer count... all failed, so they said lets leave it be and focus on our wedding instead. She was 5 months pregnant at her wedding ( all natural)

they had a beautiful DD and after 7 more years of nothing happening, they booked Fs for ivf again. She had her intial BT for HIV etc and FS rang and said sorry i cant help you, you are already about 5 weeks pregnant!!! and now she has a gorgeous DS too.

So natural miracles do happen, and special people like yourselves deserve them...

I am still quite down over our failed cycle. thats 5 now... we worked out our third transfer was in july last year and we fell preg. so we hoping that our 6 cycle in July is the same. another round of 3!!! IYKWIM?

take care everybody. all my biggest hugs and best wishes for you all

[tarkine]

Chez, wishing you and DF all the best with planning your wedding and honeymoon.

I'll keep everything crossed that nature takes its course

[ann]

Hello Lovelies!

Thought I would just pop in for a quick Hello. I've noticed in my absence that a few of you have "crossed over". What wonderful news.

I had my holiday in Thailand, first holiday in over 5 years with DH. We have spent the last 6 1/2 years TTC and no time or money for that fact for the luxury of time together in another country. All TTC active thoughts are now gone. If by any chance a miracle did happen for us we would be thrilled, but the chances of that now are gone.

My heart goes out to you girls that havent had that miracle happen for them yet, but hey if you dont try you will never know what can be achieved.

Will pop in now again to check on your progresses.

Luv to all

Ann

[Megan]

Ann, it's nice to see you popping in from time to time. I hope you had a fantastic time in Thailand! I hope you do continue to drop in here from time to time to let us know how you are getting on.
Chez, I'm sorry to hear you are not in a good place at the moment with regards to AC. I agree with Holly...having something positive and exciting to focus on for a while (wedding and honeymoon). Hoping like mad that things still work out for you, but in the mean time have fun with the wedding preparations for a while. I hope you do still post from time to time. Got everything crossed for your little miracle.
Holly, did DH manage to get his SA done last week? Are you still set to start stims in a couple of weeks?
Sonya, BG, Lou - hope you are all well.

I'm still plodding along. Have been seeing my naturopath for about 6ish weeks now. Until Saturday I was just taking the vitamins and making a few dietary changes. Now I'm on the herbs. Never had them before, so it was a bit of a shock. I dont think I've ever tasted anything so awful in my life! She is trying to make me ovulate earlier as she thinks CD18-21 is too late which seems to be what I've been doing. My LP has been 10-11 days for as many cycles as I can remember when I've cycled or charted my temps. I am currently at 14DPO. I can't believe it. I don't think I have ever made it to 14DPO. Has anyone actually had any success changing when they ovulate or the length of their LP using natural therapies? I'm wondering if it's a result of the changes I've made with the NP, or just my body having a wacky month!

[odette]

hey if it is good- don't questions it - just go with it!
hey girls
guess who is jumping back on the band wagon again
ringing the clinic tommorow . ... ..!!
Whoo HOO