Parenting After a Loss ~ January 2008

[Spring Angel]

It's frustrating and confusing isn't it Lynn. DS went through a breast refusal phase at about 2 months I think (I did a thread about it) and I was sure he wasn't getting enough. He went for feeding for almost 20 mins each side to 5 mins max and even then he was on off on off. Barb's advice was that he was a big boy now who knows where the milk comes from so to just follow his lead and within a week or so he just stoped.

Willow has some great advice, also DS is perhaps interested in your reaction (stress, frustration, sadness) so try your best to be calm and if he doesn't feed stop and try again later and pretend that it doesn't make any difference to you(not as easy as it sounds I know)

Confusing little people aren't they?

Take care
Lv Spring

[Michelle71]

Lynn - it is so tough. Try not to obsess about the *enough* part. I found my obsession actually made me far more anxious about the whole thing - and we had *issues* with growing too. Just keep feeding regularly and monitor his wet nappies and his overall weight gain. Try to skip the formula top ups and watch what he does. Oscar had the 6 week growth spurt and this made me think I didn't have enough. In fact, he was just upping my supply for his increased needs. He was also feeding quicker and after that went to feeding on just one boob per feed. He is now back to both boobs but doesn't like the right breast (we have always had problems on this side and DH calls it the *evil* boob ) due to the slower let down. So now we start a feed on the left boob, wait for let down and switch to the right boob and (usually) finish on the left side. Big hugs and yell if you need anything.

Just a quick one - I am soooooo tired. Big week and weekend and now I am back to work tomorrow afternoon. I need to go to the gym too. Gaining weight again and feeling uncomfortable (but may be just PMS too) so I need to do something about it. And try to fit it all in Oscar will need to deal with the creche me thinks. Should be interesting.

Mum and Dad will be down for the weekend (wooo hoooooo ) so they will come to the game with me on Friday and look after the boy. He may need to wear his footy jumper too!! It will be his first game of the season so I am anxious to see how he will go. 2 days of work then a few off. Can't wait.

Chat tomorrow!!

[Janie]

Hey Michelle, I was just thinking the other day that I must post and ask you if you're working for the Bulldogs still......I guess so! (It is the Bulldogs, isn't it?).

Lynn, it's so tricky in the early months at times. From personal experience I can tell you that formula top ups will only mess with BFing. My gut is telling me that's what's going on with your little man. We had breast refusal for ages due to DS being used to bottles. I am pleased to say now though that he is a booby boy through and through . It's hard because they refuse the breast, so you want to give them a bottle......vicious cycle. But by far, the best thing you can do is just keep offering the breast (well, a reasonable amount, anyhow ). Try to relax, feed in the bath, or lying down in bed(this was a great one for us), if you have a 'good' side start the feed there. Nearly all supply problems are remedied by frequent feeding (8-12 times/day). Less than this is really not enough (for most people) to build up a good supply, and to keep their bub putting on weight. I think if you can feed Ethan frequently, and try to give him as few top ups as possible, you will find in a week or so that things are settling down. The other thing you can do is to give the formula, but decrease the amount gradually. ALWAYS breastfeed first though, don't be tempted to skip feeds. I often used to BF first, then top up, then BF again when he was a bit more settled, I think that really helped. What you're going through is quite common Lynn. Please don't try to do it alone, there are people who can help. Willow's suggestion of contacting the ABA is good, either call their hotline or email a counsellor (check out their website). And if you're really concerned about your supply, Ethan's weight gain etc then definitely get in touch with LC. Barb will be able to recommend one for you.

Must dash, DS is stirring, hello everyone else, lots of love!

[Willow]

Ahhhh, crap. I've done it again

See below...

Worried sick about DS - is there anything I can do?

[Michelle71]

I have replied - there is a forehead slap coming in the mail Seriously, you need to stop reading if it is going to trigger this type of response. Enjoy your happy and healthy baby. Google has some fabulous advantages but can cause you immense headaches too.

I do think our previous losses make us more vulnerable (but all mummies may feel this way ) We fear the worst because we have been through the worst. Why should it not happen to us again?? Maybe include it in your chats with the counsellor.

BBl - the boy needs to sleep.

[Willow]

Thanks Michelle

But like i said in the other thread - I wasn't googling it! It was a random act of insanity, I saw the thread and all the while telling myself 'do NOT read this' I opened it anyway!!

It will definitely rate a mention with the psych, don't worry. I was so upset last night that after DH went to bed, I snuck into Ls room and got him out of bed and fed him and then just held him and cried and cried

The poor little man, having a neurotic mum like me!! It really has scared me though.

[Michelle71]

I know hun It can scare the bejeesus out of you. You are not neurotic though. Just a normal mum after a not so normal process to motherhood (Mark II) I worry about things that *normal* mummies wouldn't even flinch about. My background can actually make it worse some days. Other days that knowledge is a blessing and I can put my *professional* hat on to remind myself that it is all good and he is so very normal. It also helps that I read everything with a serious dash of cynicism - research can be *adjusted* to suit the needs of the author with a few little adjustments

Call me if you need a chat - I am at work tonight too so up until 12midnight

[Lynn]

Thanks guys for your support

Ethan actually refuses the breast at the beginning of the feed when he wakes up. Yesterday I fed at 3.30pm - it was an ok feed on right but not on left and he took a 50ml formula top up. At 7pm he refused breast all together and took 160ml formula, then 10pm refused breast and only took 60ml forumla. Then just to confuse everything at 3.30am he took the right ok but not the left and had no top up. 7.30am feed he was on/off both breasts (I kept changing but that didn't work ) and he took 80ml. He is asleep now so when he wakes up I will try him on the boob again and see what happens. I know the top ups can confuse them and make it harder but he was just crying after a breast feed and since topping him up he has stopped doing that. I will see how I go today

Willow - it is so totally normal to think the worst when we read things. During Ethan's u/s his head was measuring ahead more than the rest of his body - so of course I jumped on google to see what it was and I started reading all sort of bad things and raced to my obs (who wanted to slap me!) and back for more u/s. There is nothing wrong with his head but I jumped to the worst conclusion because I guess that is what we expect..........the worst. Big hugs to you

Michelle - enjoy the time with your mum and dad. I hope you get to the gym. I have started walking Ethan every morning, he just sleeps which is great and I just think..........sometimes not so good so I think I need to take the ipod with me.

Spring - they certainly are confusing little creatures! Wouldn't it be great if they could just tell us what is going on?!?!?!

Janie - It certainly is a vicious cycle..........I will keep working at it and see how I go. Thanks for your advice

Enjoy your week everyone!

[Willow]

Sez - how did your talk at the conference go?? Can't wait to hear all about it!

Lynn - how is Ethan going?

[Lynn]

Spring - I hate reading your location I don't want you to go How was the weekend?

Willow - thanks for asking about Ethan...........he is going great - when he gets the bottle!!! I have tried him on the boob but he just keeps pushing off. He has done a couple of feeds on the boob but is crying afterwards and I try to settle him but it doesn't work until I give him a top up.

Just a little woohoo for my little man................he has moved up into the next size nappies (infants) and is into 000!!! I thought he was never going to get out of 0000. I am having him weighed tomorrow so it will be interesting to see what he is.

[Spring Angel]

Lynn: Whoo Hoo Ethan, 000 already, what a big boy. BTW Lynn if you need any 000 clothes just let me know. You know the only thing I love about Sydney is my BB friends, other than that we don't really have much keeping us here and if we ever do get back to Brissy, I'm come and visit all the time (I promise) oh and you'll have to come up for Holidays.

Willow: I hear you on the 'stress about every little thing' when we got DS's 5 month needles yesterday the GP said his head circ had jumped a percentile so of course I am freaking out also. I think Michelle has some good advice. As bloody hard as it is to let the logical part of our brain in, we need to try to listen to it.

Well my Weekend was good. Had the IL's here (DH's dad and Step mum) and it was nice to catch up. DS is such a cutie that he is enough entertainment for all 4 adults. He is slowly getting better with the sleep, still waking every 4-5 hours for a feed at night but he is self settling again. I can now feel three teeth on his bottom jaw so I just hope they break the surface soon. Funny thing is he absolutely loves bongela(sp?) it's like he can't get enough (lol) Solids are going really well, he gobbles the banana down but I am taking it really slowly. This week we are going to try sweet potato and see how he likes it.

I'm off the the Mum's and Bub's tomorrow again and then to BG's dinner on Thursday night (Lynn Willow are you going, pretty please) so for once I actually have things to do out of the house.

Oh and a little whoo hoo here, it has taken DH a while to bond with DS, he loves him but TBH I think he was a little scared of him as a newborn and always worried that he was doing the wrong thing. Anyway today he was reading him a story and I heard him say 'buddy I just love you with all my heart' and gave him a big kiss. Aww my heart just melted, my big tough DH is a softie on the inside.

Hope y'all are well.

Lv Spring

[MistyFying]

Time for a new thread