Parenting after Miscarriage or Loss ~ April 2008

[mako]

Oh Lynn how RUDE!!!!!! Some people just don't get how fortunate they are and have absolutely no idea what others have been through(even if they've listened to your story)
It makes me so mad when I hear of these things happening and like Bek said she obviously doesn't know what its like to lose someone precious

Willow good on you for speaking to the tresillian nurse. Its amazing what some reassuring words does for our confidence and its great news that L's sleeping and feeding patterns are age appropriate.
Are you feeling better?

[Spring Angel]

Lynn: I can't believe that woman, what an insensitive, stupid, fool. I'm sorry that she hurt your feelings. Dratz to her I reckon.

Willow: I'm glad the Tresillian nurse helped you out. I might end up getting her details from you. I too had some reassurance today. I'm glad you are feeling better.

Well I went to the paed and got discussing Oliver's sleep habits he said in his opinion, Oliver is too young for sleep school just yet (control crying) although he was happy for me to go if I could find somewhere that didn't CC (As you have Willow). In his words he doesn't think any form of sleep training is good until children have object permanency which is usually around 11-12 months. That is, if you leave them and stand outside the door, they know that you are there as opposed to now when he thinks I am gone for good. One thing he wants me to try is no feeds between the 10.pm feed and 4.am or 5 am. He said we are in for anywhere from 4 nights to a fortnight of hell, but in his experience this is the most gentle, and most effective way to encourage longer stretches of sleep. I can cuddle, rock, shhh, pat etc but just not feed. I can even squirt some milk on the dummy but no matter what no feeds. He said if he eats his dinner and has a feed at 10 it is not hunger, it is habit. But that habits are hard to give up and he will be confused/angry/sad that things are changing. He said it is rare to come across a breastfeed child that sleeps well, not because formula is more filling, but because the emotional comfort a child gets while breastfeeding, why would they want to give it up when Mumm delivers a nice warm drink during the dark of the night. He said if he is sleeping 6 hours by 12 months that that is great. I was very shocked by this, I thought we were going to be packed off to sleep school like naughty kiddies. So I am going to start tonight. Once he is going without feeds, it is then time to work on self settling he said not to attempt too many changes at once so the first thing is the feeds.

I have crossed everything to see if this works.

Wish me luck and strength to get through the next few weeks.

Spring

[Willow]

Mako - yeah, feeling much better now.

Spring - that's awesome. Isn't it fantastic when you expect to hear "god you are both in a bad way and need some serious help" but all you hear is "you're doing the right thing, just stick it out"?? To be honest, going to Tresillian didn't 'teach' me anything new. There were no light bulb moments or little 'tricks' that helped. It was having the support of someone saying to me 'trust your instincts, you and your baby are just fine'. I didn't do anything differently there then what we were doing at home. But sometimes i think the support is worth it's weight in gold. I didn't realise you were feeding Oliver throughout the night. We do a 9.30/10pm feed, a 1.30am/2am feed and then a 5/5.30am feed. The nurse today said that by about 8 months when he was on solids etc L would be ready to drop that 2am feed but until then, to just leave well enough alone. She said she doubts either of us are ready to drop it and to try to push him to sleep through and that he'd do it in his own time (note to self - HIS own time, not mine! LOL)Good luck with it, I really hope you see a big improvement, and we're all here to support you! BTW, your paed sounds awesome - where is he located?

[Flowerchild]

Thanks for the warm welcome back - I have missed you all and Belly Belly so much!

Lynn: Sorry that your playgroup left you feeling so sad... Some folk just don't have the life experience or TACT to hear our stories. Big big understanding hugs... :hugs:

Spring: You have been on my mind a lot - I was thinking that weekend I was taken to hospital was going to be when I went to your sisters for the Sofies Lunch... Whoa life takes us on some rides! I agree wholeheartedly with what your paed says. Except - my babies (apart from #1) slept really well and as you know they were all boobie babies for 2 years plus! Immy is a good sleeper most of the time but if I try and put her in her bassinette after that first o/nite feed she hollers! If I just feed her and leave her in bed with me (which I do) she will sleep thru. She just needs to have me there. Try to remember that all babies are different and that "this too shall pass". I really do know how tough it can be but it WILL pass and get better. I love the soft approach that your paed is offering... I will think of you tonight as Immy and I feed and hope for a peaceful night for you...

I have had quite a lazy day today - my younger kiddies are still on holidays and we have just been haning out today. I am feeling tired and lazy!
Big hugs to you all...

[Spring Angel]

Thanks Willow and Deb.

Willow DS is still feeding 3 hourly most nights.. He is on 3 solid meals a day and woofs them down. For dinner he had cous cous with chick peas, brocolli, pumpkin, eggplant and sweet potato. He also had breast milk and I'm about to feed him again. This is on top of feeding 3-4 hourly during the day and breaky and lunch so the feeding at night is just for comfort I think.

[Spring Angel]

You are right Deb, that weekend was so long ago and so much has happened between now and then. I'm trying to get back to Brisbane as we speak. We've had a transfer approved with DH's work but now it is just a case of actually getting up there. I'd love to meet you IRL very soon.

Lv Spring

[mako]

Sorry just a quick post to let you know that I've put some pics in the gallery.

Spring So pleased that you got on well at the Paed appointment hun.

BBL got to go feed the boy!!!!!!

[BekZ]

Spring: Do you give bub eggplant at night? I have heard it can interfer with sleep and for some people it can cause restlessness. I really don't know the flat out facts but I have read a bit about food allergies and eggplant is commonly refered to. Just a thought.

Mako - Lovely pics. It is nice to put a name to face.

I put some pics of miss Lollie up recently.

[Janie]

Glad to hear that those with sleep *issues* are feeling sorted out! Spring, your paed sounds ace! I've never felt ready to do sleep school until now, and even then I'm not happy to do cc. That's why I was so rapt that the sleep school I went to doesn't believe in cc - they actually gave a big spiel about how it's bad for babies! Oh how things have changed, but I just keep thinking about all the poor babies and mums who did it against their better judgement and instincts. I think your paeds advice sounds reasonable, if you feel prepared to give it a go. If you find it too hard going, then maybe consider reducing the night feeds gradually? Like stretching it out longer each night over a period of time. I find that sort of approach works well for us anyway. Mind you, at Ollie's age, I just fed DS in bed all night, there's no way I could have coped otherwise. You'll be happy to know that he rarely has a feed during the night now, and if he does it's really actually early morning (reeeeeaally early morning ).

Willow, glad the nurse helped you feel sane About to PM you hun.

Lynn, I'm sorry you had to listen to that. I agree with the others, ZERO TACT, and likely she didn't even think, just said the first thing that came into her head What a silly, hurtful thing to say though.

Feeling buggered here, although it's not because of the boy! He went to sleep within 15 minutes tonight, with not a tear in sight YAY! He is just so adorable, I'm so in love with him. He doesn't shut up, talks ALL DAY LONG! It's in his genes LOL. He thinks he's so clever walking along the furniture, trying to be destructo child. I swear, he is such a boy I'm finding as his birthday approaches that I'm wishing more and more I could have that time again. I want to go into labour again, and experience his birth again. Those early days when DH and I did nothing but cry happy tears. Such an amazing time *sigh*.

I'll stop rabbiting on now, and boring all of you. I should go and get some sleep, but I know I won't!

[Willow]

Sez - LOL, you're not boring us hun, it's lovely to hear!! Looking forward to the PM but wondering what it's about...hmmmm...intriguing ....

Our sleep school was the same, very anti CC and our nurse in particular was into gentle methods and instinctive parenting. Shame they all still get tarred with the same brush.

I swear the boy better pop a tooth soon cause otherwise I have no idea why he's so upset going to bed at the moment. Days are pretty Ok but nights he needs cuddles again.

Speaking of which, better go feed the poor starving creature, he's just started squawking again...

[Lynn]

Thanks guys - I started to think that going to mother's group was a bad idea. I have so many new friends that I have met through losing Cooper but I just thought I could be a 'normal' mum for a change and meet people in the area but maybe it isn't the best thing because they just don't understand. I don't know Maybe I will go again next week and see how that goes.

Spring - good luck tonight babe I will be thinking of you. Now listen here Ollie.............sleep for your mum!

Mako - I will have to check out your pics.

Deb - it must be nice to have a lazy day given how busy you have been lately. Enjoy your time with the kids.

Willow - that is great you got some reassurance from the nurse. It is so good to have wonderful support isn't it? I think sometimes we just need to hear that what we are doing is normal. It doesn't feel normal sometimes!

Janie - it was beautiful to read what you wrote. I try to treaure every day with Ethan because I know he will grow up way too fast.

Bek - I will have to check out your photos too. I should have slapped that women shouldn't I! I think it was made even harder because she had her Cooper and I don't have mine.

[Willow]

Well think I've worked out what's been bothering the little guy the last few days...he's caught his sister's rotten cold

He's not too bad but last night was coughing and kept waking himself up. Tried kicking DH out of bed and putting him in with me but that didn't work either (I seriously don't know how people co sleep every night). He wasn't too bad after a 1am feed so we both got a bit of sleep.

Bit freaked out, never had a sick baby before, DD was well over 12 months before she even got a cold.

Guess panadol and eucybear and just ride it out??

Oh, and I've got it too

[mako]

Willow Sorry to hear that L has caught a cold. Its hard when we have an unwell bub hey.
Keep up the Panadol and keep his fluids up too. Keep an eye on his temp too hun.Hope he's feeling much better soon
Sage had his 1st cold at 10 weeks GRRRR thanks to my niece and the dreaded SIL lol.
They say that its common for babies to get upto 6 colds in the 1st year.

P.S hope you're feeling better soon too. Remember to look after yourself chickie

[BekZ]

Janie - It is so nice to hear someone say that they are in love with their bub I want to be pregnant again too and go through the birthing process etc. Although I really have to decide whether 3 children is a good idea for us. I have a lot of decisions to make in the next couple of years!!!!

Willow - I know how you feel regarding not having a sick bub before. Sara did not get sick until she was 15months (she has actually been sick heaps since then). I found Fess, Panadol, Baby Vicks and my vaporiser really helped. Loren really hated the Fess but it did help her get to sleep by clearing her nose. Hope L is ok very soon.

Crapy nights here atm. Loren has decided that she now needs night feeds and she is really restless from around 4am onwards...buggger I knew my run of her sleeping through would not last.

[Spring Angel]

Janie: I agree, your post is just so beautiful. You should print it and save it for him to read when he is a teenager and is too cool for mum.

Willow: Poor little DS. Oliver had a cold and conjunctivitis in Jan and it was horrible. I tried the fess stuff but there was no way he was going to let me put saline in his nostrils, can't blame him really. I hope your little fella feels better soon. With all those mummy milk goodies he should get better soon.

Bek: Those night feeds are tough aren't they? Hope this is just a growth spurt and Loren goes back to sleeping for longer stretches.

Mako: OMG those photos of when Sage was first born are so cute. You just look great also. Thanks for the tip about eggplant, I didn't know that, I'll leave it out for a few months.

Well last night was so much better than I thought. Oliver slept from 10pm until 3.48am. I slept in his nursery and every time I even heard him start to wake, I shh, patted and put his dummy back in. I am so proud of my little man, I didn't pick him up once. I am going to sleep in there again tonight and every night until we are in a bit of a routine (I'm always hesitant to use that word). So here's hopeing tonight is another good one.

Lv Spring

[Janie]

Here's hoping Spring! Glad you had such a good night, well done Ollie!

Thanks everyone for your lovely comments. Honestly, I could go on and on all day about how ace I think he is, but I guess everyone is the same

Soooo tired again, but I just find myself staying up late every night again lately. I used to do this when DS was littler, and we would sleep in. No such thing as a sleep in anymore (not big ones anyway) so staying up late is just silly! But I get so much done, and then waste too much time online . Going to have to organise my time a bit better soon, had a meeting about ABA training today, which was exciting. It's a lot of work, but I'm looking forward to the challenge. It's a long time since I've studied, but it's a very practical based course, which suits me just fine.

Oh, I'd better dash, sorry for lack of personals, will try again tomorrow!

xoxo

[Willow]

Sez - can't wait to hear how your ABA training goes...I'm still looking into it but early days yet.

Spring - woot! Congrats on a great night! Things not so great here at night but he's not well so can't expect too much. Funny thing is, he doesn't seem to be that sick either. He had a temp, runny nose and cough the first night. Yesterday no cough but runny nose on and off and I don't think he's had a temp since. He just won't settle to sleep. He'll sleep for 20 mins, 45 mins, 1.5 hrs but keeps waking up crying. He seems to be pretty OK during the day though (although not sleeping as well as usual)... He does his biggest sleeps after a feed though so maybe that is helping. Panadol doesn't seem to make any difference.

[Janie]

Willow, maybe he has a sore throat, or is just feeling generally yucky? You know how it is when you're sick, especially if you're not used to it. Poor little guy, I hope he's all better soon! And that you can get some sleep, I'd be dead on my feet doing that! Lazy me just brings DS into our bed Yep, I'll keep you updated on my training. Likely you'll hear me complaining about how I have to get a unit finished, and I'm running out of time LOL.

Well, my superstar boy slept from 8.30-5.30 in his cot last night! And then until 8 in bed with me! I can't begin to tell you how good I feel

Better go and get ready for the day. Hope you all have a good one.