Parenting after Miscarriage or Loss ~ April 2008

[Lynn]

OMG Michelle! I just spoke to you - I couldn't resist not congratulating you.............I had to hear it from your mouth!!! Again congratulations babe, I am just so happy for you. Sending you heaps and heaps of

[Rowie]

Michelle - what wonderful news! Congratulations and I have everything crossed for you.
Jo - I am so sorry to hear about Finn. A fabulous idea that you join us here.

I wanted to share something that I found on the net with you all. It made me cry as it is so the way that I am feeling at the moment - like the Invisible Mum..... Anyway, we are all wonderful Mum's creating Cathedrals so read on and remember that you are all doing a great job! Enjoy....

INVISIBLE MUM


Reminding us why mothers are special. And sometimes we do need reminding.

IT all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response, the way one of the kids will walk into the room while I'm on the phone and ask to be taken to the store. Inside I'm thinking, "Can't you see I'm on the phone?" Obviously not; no one can see if I'm on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping the floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see me at all. I'm invisible. The invisible Mum. Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more: Can you fix this? Can you tie this? Can you open this?
Some days I'm not a pair of hands; I'm not even a human being. I'm a clock to ask, "What time is it?" I'm a television guide to answer, "What number is the Disney Channel?" I'm a car to order, "Right around 5:30, please."
I was certain that these were the hands that once held books and the eyes that studied history and the mind that graduated from university - but now they had disappeared into the peanut butter, never to be seen again. She's going, she's going, she's gone!
One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return of a friend from England. Janice had just gotten back from a fabulous trip, and she was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in. I was sitting there, looking around at the others all put together so well. It was hard not to compare and feel sorry for myself as I looked down at my out-of-style dress; it was the only thing I could find that was clean. My unwashed hair was pulled up in a hair clip and I was afraid I could actually smell peanut butter in it. I was feeling pretty pathetic, when Janice turned to me with a beautifully wrapped package, and said, "I brought you this." It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe. I wasn't exactly sure why she'd given it to me until I read her inscription: "To Charlotte, with admiration for the greatness of what you are building when no one sees."
In the days ahead I would read - no, devour - the book. And I would discover what would become for me, four life-changing truths, after which I could pattern my work: No one can say who built the great cathedrals - we have no record of their names. These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never see finished. They made great sacrifices and expected no credit. The passion of their building was fueled by their faith that the eyes of God saw everything. A legendary story in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tiny bird on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man, "Why are you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be covered by the roof? No one will ever see it." And the workman replied, "Because God sees."
I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place. It was almost as if I heard God whispering to me, "I see you, Charlotte. I see the sacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you does. No act of kindness you've done, no sequin you've sewn on, no cupcake you've baked, is too small for me to notice and smile over. You are building a great cathedral, but you can't see right now what it will become."
At times, my invisibility feels like an affliction. But it is not a disease that is erasing my life. It is the cure for the disease of my own self-centeredness. It is the antidote to my strong, stubborn pride. I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder. As one of the people who show up at a job that they will never see finished, to work on something that their name will never be on. The writer of the book went so far as to say that no cathedrals could ever be built in our lifetime because there are so few people willing to sacrifice to that degree.
When I really think about it, I don't want my son to tell the friend he's bringing home from university for Christmas, "My Mum gets up at 4 in the morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand bastes a turkey for three hours and presses all the linens for the table." That would mean I'd built a shrine or a monument to myself. I just want him to want to come home. And then, if there is anything more to say to his friend, to add, "You're going to love it there."
As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot be seen if we're doing it right. And one day, it is very possible that the world will marvel, not only at what we have built, but at the beauty that has been added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible women.
Great Job, MUM!

[Michelle71]

Thanks girls (and thank you Divvy for popping in too ) I know I can rely on you to be my excitement and my joy. I truly am over the moon we have done it and without drugs. But you know how it is. It is still scary and until you see that first heartbeat you aren't even past stage one. Then the other worries happen. Thank goodness I am allergic to Clexane too considering it has been taken off the market at the moment due to a recall One less thing to worry about.

We have named this little bean Edna - extraordinary / extra-special DNA DH has a lot to answer for!! This is going to be a loooooonnnnnnggggg pregnancy - 35 weeks to go

[BekZ]

OMG - I have been MIA for a few days and what a wonderful surprise to return to...Michelle I am so happy for you. Congratulations and I wish you a very happy and healthy pregnancy.

Mako - Happy 6 months to Sage.

Jo - Welcome and I am so sorry to hear of your lose.

Jayne - Sorry to hear about your bunny. I hope you guys are ok.

Lynn - I hope you find a mothers group that you feel comfortable with soon. There is nothing worse than no feeling quite right with a group.

Spring - Congrates on Oliver's crawling and sleep improvements. I think I need some tips!!!

Janie - How are you feeling sweets?

YAWN...this mummy is very tired. I am having major settling issues with Loren. Every time I take her to the cot she screams until she is purple. I just can't settle her in the cot to sleep atm. Some sleeps are taking 1 to 2 hours to settle and some time she ends up in the swing chair or rocker...I am so scared that she is not going to get into a good sleep routine. Her perfect night sleeping is also gone and she is waking 3 to 4 times per night.

On the other hand I am a proud mummy because Loren is passing objects from one hand to the next and she can put her dummy back in her mouth!!! Oh and miss Sara has been dry for 2 weeks now and she is feeding herself..yeye

[Willow]

"Edna"



LOVE it!!

[LisaL]

Michelle, Michelle, Michelle, I think Im psychic... I checked the pg announcements the other day JIC you were pg and I hadnt heard, and would you believe I only just found this thread- where have I been all this time??? I just missed it sitting there under PAML. But as soon as I saw the words, I knew I had found my old gal pals for a reason!!

I AM SOOOOO THRILLED FOR YOU, AGAIN YOU FILL MY HEART WITH SO MUCH HAPPINESS AND MY EYES WITH TEARS OF JOY. WISHING YOU NOTHING BUT HEALTH AND HAPPINESS ON YOUR NEW JOURNEY, MAY IT BE ALL THAT YOU HOPE AND EVEN MORE...

A christmas baby..how delightful... your angel must be watching over you....

Luv Lisa XXX

[Michelle71]

Lisa - MWAH So good to see you in here!!! And thank you. It is so wonderful to have the girls back in one place now we are mummies. Keep popping in - I'm going to need all the familiar faces I can during the next few months And I love that you are psychic!!!

[Willow]

Lisa - I've often wondered where you were and why you hadn't dropped in!! Thought of PMing you in case you'd missed the thread but didn't want to force the issue if you were too busy to post etc.

How's Alexandra?? Do you call her Lexie??

Michelle - I STILL have a huge grin on my face for you!! A very good friend of mine (with Dr S) is about 30 weeks prg and still on clexane she's checked her meds with her pharmacist and it seems hers aren't the affected batches but seriously the last thing she needed. They're weaning her off at 32 weeks anyway because she has placenta previa so a c/s is looming and they obviously want it all out of her system before delivery. Poor thing...took her about 10 IVF cycles to fall prg this time, we finally convinced her to go and see Dr S and she was prg a few months later but it's been a rocky ride!

[Spring Angel]

Michelle: Edna - love it. DH must be very proud of that one.

Willow: Your poor friend, as if she needs more stress. I hope she is doing ok

Bek: Sorry to hear that the sleep theif has been visiting your house also. Sounds like Loren is going through a developmental spike, hope she settles back into routine soon.

Well we all went to the Dawn Service this morning. ANZAC day is a very important day in this household. Both sides of our family have Service history and DH has been in the force for over 10 years and now is in reserves. Meant getting the lad up at 3.45am but it is only once a year. I want him to go every year, he even went last year in my belly. He was really well behaved, he had plenty of old diggers trying to get a smile out of him so he was in his element. Came home and went back to bed for a few hours and now about to get the day started. DH is out with the boys and I don't expect him home before dark. Heaven knows what they get up to on ANZAC day but I think it is a good chance for them to debrief and chat (which men don't do often enough) oh and drink copious amounts of Alcohol.

We are off to Melbourne tomorrow for DH's 30th birthday Surprise party so I won't be online much after today until Wednesday.

BBL to chat some more
Lv Spring

[Michelle71]

We watched dawn service this morning but didn't go out in the rain. My grandfather and uncles served and we always marched as children. There was no way this morning I was going to disrupt another good night of sleeping (we are up to 3 in a row where we have slept from 11-4 and then up around 6).

Spring - I hope DH comes home in a civilised state later today. The debrief is good for him though. Enjoy Melbourne - I'm jealous.

Willow - I can't wipe the smile off either. If I wasn't allergic to the clexane, I would be taking it until labour started (or 24 hours before a c-section) because it has such a short half life (time of action in the body). The aspirin I get to start when we see the heartbeat and stop at about 34-36 weeks.

He is asleep again so I should get some things done. BBL.

[~Jayne~]

MICHELLE _ Geepers creepers woman, I am soooooooo T H R I L L E D!!!!!!!!! Gosh, you certainly know how to rev me up right before I go to bed that's for sure! LOL. Hooley dooley with the name Edna. I"m a bit miffed why I didn't get the naming rights this time? Or at least some input? LOL. But I'm loving Edna. Edna is grand. I'm so excited honey ** mental note to self: check this thread ALL the time from now on ** I'm peeved with myself I"ve missed it unti lnow!

JANIE _ LOL, I"m done with advertising Jessica on ebay, I'm going to open the front door & let her run away. LOL. I'm kidding of course, but you wanted Jessica stories, here's 2 that happened in 2 days. She started making mud pies in the back yard, like actually mixing them up herself, because there was no mud & she was throwing them at the fence. Of course I told her off & that was that. Then a few hours later Claudia comes into me saturated in MUD & I go outside & Jessica is flinging them at her as though they are playing paintballing. Obviously it was more fun to throw them at her sister than at the fence. Then today, while I'm cleaning up the loft, she gets the drum sticks to her little drum set & uses the black rubber on the ends to draw a 1m square picture of a face on my wall! OMG! Needless to say she was given a cloth & made to clean it up herself. But the thing is she was saying the whole time 'I just LOVE cleaning my drawings off the walls Mummy'. Gosh she is a tart. LOL. Anyway, enough of her. I haven't had a chance to congratulate you on your ABA presentation. It all went well I assume?

SPRING _ Glad you had a good day today & have a mad time in Melbourne! Sounds great!

WILLOW _ I think of you every morning when I go & say good morning to our Willow Bunny! LOL. She is UTD at the moment, or I hope that she is. I'll keep you posted on any little Willow-ettes. LOL. How are you honey?

LISA _ OMG I Love you girl! I'm so glad you're here & I must say, I'm LOVING the new Avatar! So incredibly spiffy! How is Miss Alexandra??

BEK _ I'm sorry to hear that Miss Loren isn't playing the sleeping game. This is only my opinion, but if she is getting that wound up over sleep time, I'd get her to sleep wherever stresses her out the LEAST. Be it the pram, swing, your bed, whatever, it just sounds too stressful. I'm all about getting bubs to sleep in their cots & have a sleep routine, but it just sounds as though you've got to get her to sleep first & then figure out logistics later. Anyway, just my opinion but I HTH??? Also, a well rested baby is going to settle better later down the track in her cot, rather than a very frazzled an overtired bub right now. I hope that makes sense? Good luck!

ME _ Still trying to catch up on everything & nothing much is happening here with us atm, so I will catch up with you all soon! Oh, we are due baby bunnies on Sunday! Wish me luck!

Love Jayne xox

[LisaL]

Hi gals,

Sorry Ive been away for soooo long but I didnt know where you gals were ( someone mentioned to me in a PM I think about a new thread, but I didnt really know what they were talking about and I didnt ask either ) Ive been busy with Alexandra, robs dad was very sick and sadly passed away earlier this year, my brother went through drug rehab and all that with a newborn I found it hard to find time to scratch my butt, but you BB beauties were never far off my mind...

MISS JAYNE!! Those Jessica stories always crack me up! Its 12.30am and DH is wondering what the hell im giggling at! He might think i have an e-boyfriend Are we thinking about #3?

Michelle - keep smiling sweets, all the way to the delivery room!!

Willow - it must be the season for no sleep babies!! I got one right here, might have to put her up on ebay with Jessica... And guess what after all that Lexie talk,I dont call her Lexie, I dont know why cause thats what I wanted to call her, now its just Alexandra, and we call her by the nick name my dear FIL gave her in his language, which in Aust means "little silk worm".

Ok gals here is a quick update on Miss Alexandra....she is very very very cheeky! She crawls, stands up on her own, tries to dive off the bed or couch, throws tanties if she doesnt like something and she has just figured out how to use the home phone (she called DH twice today - by accident of course!), she talks in her own language and calls me muma, if she wants me to come to her she sooks, muma, but if she is happy its like "muma?" "mumma who?" . She has two teeth, now waiting for top 2. Of late we have had the worst settling issues at night - tonight it took me 2 hours to settle her. She sleeps right through (she has since 7wks) but getting her to sleep is my big issue.

Ok that wasnt so short after all, but like all mums, I just like to brag....hehehehee...

Oh and Rowie, you had me in tears too with that beutiful peice on motherhood

Hope your all having a wonderful Anzac day/weekend, and hoping the sleep fairies have come to visit all the little bubba's.

Lisa XX

[LisaL]

PS Jayne - I wish i looked like my avatar, 10kg to go before I can even resemble something like that!

[Flowerchild]

O MY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You little ripper, wonder woman MICHELLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Congratulations my love! I am so incredibly happy for you. I am crying.... tears of joy! WOOOOT WOOOT WOOT!!!!!!!!!

Hello my lovelies. I have been popping in and out. My DH's parents are visiting from Victoria - they are a challenge for me, so I am trying not to get too stressed!

Please know I am in and out - just finding time to post with them here sometimes is hard. Send me "meet the challenge" vibes PLEAAASSSSEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Immy also has another cold - worried about her and hoping it stays in her head and doesn't form into a chest infection...

Have a lovely long weekend gorgeous women...

[Michelle71]

Sometimes an extra special email is required to let certain people know the news

Hoping Immy is better soon and the IL's don't cause too many headaches.

Can't chat - destructo boy is currently causing havoc in the room

[BekZ]

LisaL - WOW oh WOW great to see you here. I think it may have been me that pmed you, but I can't remember. My sympathies for the loss of your FIL and I know what you must have been going through with your brother..be in there done that. Alexandra sounds like she is thriving...cheeky little bubba.

Jayne - LOL on the antics of miss Jessica. Thanks for your advice re-sleeping. I am trying not to make sleep time so stressful and if that means not putting her in the cot once in a while then so be it.

FC - Get better vibes coming to IMMY.

I want to post some more but DH has just got back with dinner...yey take out. Not good for the hips, but good for the soul.

BBL

[BekZ]

Ok dinner is over, but miss Loren will be awake soon and then I have to start the bedtime routine with Sara and DH is going to his sisters place to fix her stereo system.

Has anyone heard from Belinda aka Goldilocks? I think of her heaps and I really miss her cheery posts.

[Janie]

OMG *insert expletive* Michelle!!!!!!! I disappear for a few days and look what I miss! I am so, so, so happy for you guys! Don't you worry hun, we'll be here holding your hand every step of the way. Wow, a Christmas baby, how special. Did I mention how excited I am? WOOHOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Bek, I haven't seen Bel around for aaaages. I think she's disappeared off into new mummy land LOL. I hope Loren settles soon. I subscribe to Jayne's theory, get her to sleep in the least stressful way possible. But that's just an opinion of course, you know your girl best! Yay for Sara being dry!

Deb, sending plenty of those vibes you requested Hope the ILs aren't too much of a challenge. Fingers crossed Immy gets better ASAP and her cold stays in her head. I'm dying to see some photos!

YAY Lisa, so glad you found us! I'm sorry to hear that Rob's dad died, I know he wasn't well. What a difficult time for your family with your brother as well, that must be very stressful Your gal sounds very clever and cute! I hear you on the 'mama' when they're sooking, DS only says 'mum' when he's crying (it breaks my heart). But 'door', 'dog' 'car' 'dad' 'bye' 'pa' all get a look in numerous times each day Hey, hope the sleep sitch sorts itself out soon.

Jayne, OMG at Jessica! Don't scare me woman. I'm still trying to be in denial that I'll ever have to deal with that sort of stuff. Who am I kidding, DS already is destructo child! Yay for more bunnies, hope it all goes well! My presentation went great guns, thanks for asking hun. Feels like a long time ago now! It was actually quite cathartic, I really feel as though I've moved on now.

Spring, how lovely that Ollie will grow up going to the dawn service, what a great tradition. Hope you're having a great time down here, we've really turned the weather on for you PMSL. It's actually been really nice, up until TODAY, would you believe it! I think tomorrow is meant to be freezing, and just generally crap, sorry about that! Hope DH loved his surprise weekend.

Rowie, thanks for that, what an inspirational story. Very beautiful, and a timely reminder for alot of us I think.

Hi to Willow, Lynn, Jo (Welcome ), um I think I've got everyone?! This is a growing thread, it reminds me of the old days in PAML when doing personals was a real challenge LOL. I hope everyone is well and happy, and enjoying the long weekend.

We had a party for DS today Part of the reason for my self-imposed internet ban, I just haven't had the time to get online! Honestly, I have so many emails to respond to, I don't know where to start! But the party was great, about 30 people, all family, for afternoon tea. Lots of yummy food, and a spiffy looking birthday cake, which I made myself! The boy was excellent, loved having all his cousins etc to play with. He's absolutely zonked tonight of course, as are his parents, so I'm hoping to get to bed earlier than last night (1am). He was very, very spoilt (read: we are grateful that it's hard rubbish collection on Monday ).

I'm pretty well recovered from the mastitis, just feeling a bit yuck and tired. Apart from last night I've been hitting the sack at about 9.30 every night this week, which is very unlike me. Hoping to be back to normal soon though!

Best go and pay some attention to DH now, chat soon lovelies.

xoxo