Parenting After Miscarriage or Loss May '08 #2

[Flowerchild]

Welcome to Parenting after Miscarriage or Loss. In this thread you will find women who are navigating the sometimes difficult but joyous challenge of parenting after saying goodbye. This can throw up many challenges and in here you will find friendship and a safe place to share your experiences.

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Here's wishing each and every one of you, a happy and easy going parenting journey after a difficult ride to get there!
You will find the previous thread HERE my lovelies...

[Michelle71]

Hi girls!! Just a quick one from me. This household is somewhat sleep deprived (again ) due to the little man deciding not to have his day sleeps and therefore not sleeping well at night. I don't think having me home for 8 days has helped either. Add busy shifts at work and it is a recipe for extreme exhaustion. I am hoping that Edna is adding to the mix too but I am still nervous about the progression of the pregnancy. Minimal symptoms (which is pretty normal for me) and a distraction called Oscar is helping / hindering these early weeks.

Oscar is sooooooooo grumpy at the moment. I don't know what is wrong (besides sleep deprivation for him too). He wakes up and cries real tears and needs to be held. Then he wants to get down so you put him down only for him to cry and want to be picked up again. And the screaming - high pitched resulting in industrial deafness again. Ouch!!! I hope it settles soon because he is driving both DH and I nuts. I just want to make him better and get my happy little man back. And a bit better sleeping (not awake every hour or so) would be great too.

Spring - your little man is so clever. They grow up so fast. Enjoy your days at work. Coffee that is hot, lunch uninterrupted. Makes you enjoy them so much more when you are home.

Deb - you know we are always here to listen and support you. Even with the current sleep deprivation here I know the fear of SIDS still runs deep within me and I would be extremely worried if (or when) he sleeps through the night. He is still on our room for convenience as well as to keep me sane. Big hugs You know where I am if you need to chat.

Willow - it was so good to see you (albeit briefly) on Sunday. My nappies are currently drying in preparation for their first use.

Janie - how is the boy doing?? Are you ok too??

Anna - your poor little chooks. I hope they get better soon.

Jayne - yay on the safe arrival of the bunnies!! Jessica is a clever little thing with a VERY good imagination. Don't let her choose the name if you have any more babies of your own!!!!

Lynn, Jo, Mako, Lisa, Debbie and anyone I have missed Going to try to get to bed soon - although I think I am kidding myself. Chat tomorrow.

[mako]

Jayne How cute those teeny tiny bunnies sound and at Jessica naming them "the horsies" She certainly does have a fantastic imagination.
How is Claudia? Has her coughing settled down?

Deb Please don't appologise for being down.We are all here for you on the good and not so good days hun.I hope you are feeling a bit better tomorrow

Janie How's things at your place? Hope DS is much better now too

Anna its good to see you again.I've been wondering how you and the boys are going.

Spring I hope you have a good day at work tomorrow.I hear you on the cotton wool sweety. I think I needed a HUGE roll for Sage when he was sick with the chicken pox. Lucky for me and him that we could just sit and cuddle until he started to feel better

We did go out today. YAY!!!!! It was only for an hour but boy doesn't that make a massive difference to the way I feel. Sage was very good and while he was sitting in his pram he was sqealing as people were walking past us. He is just soooo gorgeous(I know I'm biased but anyway).All I could do was smile at him lol.

Hi to Willow,Lynn,Lisa, Debbie and anyone else I've missed. Hope you are all ok

[LisaL]

Hi ladies,

All went well at hossy today but his surgery has been postponed til Thursday - Im working thurs but will be on hand that evenimg and Fri to help my dear friend through. Fingers crossed the surgery goes well too.

Jayne - Can you pls send Jessica over here for a day.. she is the most clever and entertaining 3yo I know. BOL with the Horsies

Mako - im so glad that you had a chance to go out, it is so liberating, even if it is just walking to the shop to get milk or something! So glad things are on the up..

Deb - sending you some hugs, hope it all starts to feel better soon... my naturopath highly recommends a product for arthritis, but for the life of me know I cant remember what it is...similar to fish oil but more potent...will get the name and post it as soon as I can.. I hear you too on SIDS, I panic if Miss Alex has slept straight through with no wriggles or groans.

Michelle - oh poor little Oscar, hope things get better at your place and you all can get some sleep. I think Edna is going to a quiet little achiever

Spring, alexandra really settled once her top teeth cut through, remember I was going through the no sleep, sleep tantrum thing? Now she just hums herself to sleep - no probs and sleeps straight through.

Anna - this nasty flu bug seems to be doing the rounds, its almost done at my place, I just cant get rid of alexandra's runny nose, but everything is gone. Hope the healthy fairies hit your place soon.

Big cheerios to all the other lovelies, hope your all having a lovely evening and get a good nights rest.

Im off to bed now too..zzzzzzzz..............

Lisa xx

[Janie]

OMG Michelle, I could have written your post! Lack of day sleeps, leading to bad night sleeping, leading to a very overtired and grumpy little man. Big crocodile tears, screaming that sends you deaf, the works. He had 40 mins sleep for the whole day today, went to bed at 7pm (early for him) then woke at 8pm absolutely howling.....screaming. Neither of us could settle him, we gave him Panadol in the end, took him out into the lounge room and 20-30 minutes later he settled down.

It breaks my heart, I don't know what to do. Am I missing something, or is this normal? Feeling a bit stretched ATM, hence why I haven't been around much. I do lurk though, and keep up with all of you, just don't have a lot to post about.

Lots of love to all xoxo

[Michelle71]

I've got no idea - just sympathy I think we were awake every 1-2 hours last night (DH remembers 1, 3 and 5am but I am sure I was awake at midnight, 2 and 4 as well ) He has had nurofen already this morning in the hope he will settle and sleep soon. Mummy needs the nap too!! I am almost at the end of my rope. Work and this lack of sleep (and needing to co-sleep with him literally attached to me) is killing me. Add to that the not wanting to eat, not wanting to lie still for a nappy change, not wanting to go to sleep, not wanting to stay asleep, waking up screaming and grizzling most of the time when he is awake and it is not a pleasant place to be. I miss my happy baby.

Anyway - enough of my whinge. Just know I am feeling your pain

[Janie]

Gosh we're whingers hey I am feeling worn out too. I look at other babies and wonder how it is that they just sit there quietly, when my DS is off checking everything out constantly. God help me when he's walking. He is just into everything already, the only time he will sit still is when reading, which he loves (thank goodness) but he won't do it all day !

The nappy changes just about kill me! And don't even mention the need to sleep attached to me, he's been really bad for that this week, and I'm getting to be over it. Mind you, last night he stayed in his cot for most of the night but the night before was horrendous, awake at least every hour.

Anyway, I'll stop going on and on! Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't swap him for the world! I think he's ace, the most beautiful and clever baby I just wish I knew how to make him happy ATM!

[AnnaT]

One word of wisdom from a multiple mummy (and Im sure some of the others can back me up) -

You'll never make them completely happy

Janie, I feel for you with an on-the-go kid though my eldest is just like that. From the moment he could cruise furniture at 6.5mths he never sat down and still doesnt. Some days I just want to duct tape him to the clothesline for 5 min of peace and quiet. Gotta have eye's in the back of my head and I usually fall into bed and pass out once the little man is asleep. Walking helped a little as he didnt need me to help him as much and it helped tire him out, by 8:30pm he is passed out til 9am the next morning. My boy is a big lover of reading too so thats all he has in his room - books. Sometimes he needs time out so we go in his room and read. I am a big investor in kids play centre's lol We go atleast once a week for a few hours and he runs himself ragged and I dont have to worry about injuries because its all padded. I must say though, I do love me a good game of chasey-scaredies and he is ALWAYS good for it

As for the sleep well I hear ya! Ripley was awful for the last 4mths but now that Ive had enough of his non-sleeping and put my foot down he is doing much better. I learnt to read his tired signs and put him down before he hits the wall. He's doing much better with his day sleeps by going down in his cot for 2-3hrs without me holding him all freakin day. And he's going to bed before 10:30pm (used to be midnight) and sleeping til 9am! Its great because a) I like my sleep throughs, I feel like a truck has hit me if I dont get atleast 9hrs straight sleep and b) my toddler sleeps from 8:30pm til 8:30am sooooooo no need for me to be awake at the crack of dawn. Ripley is formula fed though so that helps.

Maybe try sleep schools or something? Its THE worst part of being a mother I think, trying to get a sleep routine established and it can take up til 2yrs of age to do it.

Anyone I missed - big HELLO'S to you! I need to get the kiddo's out of their pj's and into some clothes, maybe even do a bit of study or *gasp* housework! The toddler is amused watching Tommy (read: Thomas the tank engine, yeah they are on nickname basis )

[~Jayne~]

Hello Ladies,

LISA _ Yep, Jessica is the name-giver to all of our bunnies. She doesn't even think about their names, she just rattles them off & then when I said 'What are we going to name Willow's babies?' she just looked up from her book & said 'The Horsies' without a moments hesitation! How is Miss Alexandra going? I am loving the pic that you sent me & I love her little cardy. Looks hand-made! I LOVE hand-made!

ANNA _ Sounds like I need to tee up a playdate with Jessica & Jett. They sound like a pigeon pair! Too bad you're not in WA anymore. Glad to hear Ripley is going much better with the shut-eye business.

JANIE _ My 2 have always been 'those' type of babies that won't sit still & play quietly with 1 toy. They are off into the cupboards, drawers, outside in the sand, etc... I am always jealous of those quiet little babies who are happily enthralled with a few toys & will sit there for hours. I hope you get some rest soon hun, sounds like Nicholas is a Mummy's Boy!!! Just don't let him still be one when he's nearly 30, like Alan is!

MICHELLE _ I hear you with the cranky-pants baby. Claudy has days like that too. The high pitched screaming if what really gets me. It hits a nerve inside my stomach that is like it's sending an electric shock through me! Have you just taken him to bed with you during the day so you can both get a rest? I'm sorry to hear it's so tough right now. Edna will sort things out pretty quick when she's big enough to kick him when he's lying too close to Mummy's tummy!!! LOL

MAKO _ Glad to hear that Sage is mending up really well. Love that he is a ladies man & lets everybody know he's out in the big wide world! Claudia's cough is still there, but it's settling down. Friday night, Saturday & Saturday night they were shocking. I actually got up in the middle of the night & put clothes on because I thought we were going to end up in hospy & didn't want to go in my pj's. I even put her into my bed so I could keep an eye on her breathing. She is getting there, the weird thing is, it doesn't even bother her!!

WILLOW _ I'm sorry to say, we lost one of the new babies yesterday. I was a little worried about it when they were first born because it wasn't as lively as the others, but it was wriggling & warm & pink, so I didn't think much else of it. When I checked them last night before I went to bed it was gone. It's such a shame because I'm pretty sure it was going to be pure white like Daddy Bunny. Willow hadn't moved it away from the others, but it had been gone a while & as soon as I took it away, she went in & fed them. So I think that she did know it was gone, but was waiting for me to shift it. It was really strange. It looks like I've got 2 butterflies (speckled blue & white) & 1 blue/grey the colour of Willow. I didn't take pics last night because I was sad, but I will today when Jess is off at Thriving 3's.

Hope you are all having lovely days. My 2 have just had some Easter Eggs that we still have left over & they are literally bouncing off the walls now.

[jlk]

Hey all,

Hope everyone is well, just popping in for a quick hello

[AnnaT]

Im sorry to hear you lost one of our baby bunnies Its horrible when that happens. Our lab's had 2 litters and in the second lot we lost one. Dh was esp cut up about it because he blamed himself for not getting there in time. Its exciting though isnt it, like being a grandparent

Yeah we left WA 2 years ago in Nov. We're off to Townsville mid-july and will likely be stuck up there for 4-5yrs. Atleast it'll be warm all year round, YAY. I *hate* the cold and it gets really cold down here. We arent far from the snow.

Ive also decided to put TTC on hold for a year or two and try and get into Uni next year to do a nursing degree. I really want to be a midwife. Im scared and nervous and excited all at the same time. Really hope they let me in.

[~Jayne~]

ANNA _ YES! I remember you had the black labs that had puppies. I can't imagine having to deal with a sleeping puppy, a bunny is hard enough. Funny enough the bunnies look like teeny tiny puppies when they are first born. Yes, it's very exciting & please don't laugh, but I get very teary when they are born. I know it's stupid, but I LOVE the bunnies, like I wrap their hutches in blankets when it's cold, bring the nursing bunnies INSIDE & totally go bananas over them, but they are like my little babies as well & DH isn't home to get mad about it. What he doesn't know doesn't hurt! OMG I want to be a midwife too! I would LOVE to assist bringing babies into this world, somethign I have wanted to do since I had Jessica. Since you are doing it first, you can give me all the cheat sheets! LOL.

[Spring Angel]

Grrrr, I just wrote a long post and was almost finished when I lost it. I am too tired and cranky to do it all again not to mention the fact that I have to login and do some work before bed.

I just wanted to send out big sympathy hugs for all those mummas with bubbas who aren't sleeping (mine included)

I'll catch up on personals once I am home again on Thursday.

Sweet dreams to all
Lv Spring

[mako]

It must be the land of the non sleeping babies atm. Sage has also decided that its not cool to sleep. He's only had an hour and a half ALL day today. The nights are shocking here too. He still goes down around 6:30pm but will be awake again between 7-7:30 just SCREAMING.Its awful and then he'll go back off again for about an hour and it all starts again. He starts off in his cot but won't go back there once he wakes after DH and I have gone to bed

I hope we all get some sleep tonight.

Jayne I'm sorry to read that Bunny Willow has an angel too.
How did Jessica go at "Thriving 3's?"

Anna How exciting wanting to go to uni to do nursing. DH's cousin did an Aged Care course at Tafe last year and is now doing Nursing at uni this year. She loves it and also wants to be a midwife.

Spring Don't you hate it when you loose your big long posts

We are off to see the Paed tomorrow afternoon. Just so he can see how things are going since we started solids and how Sage is growing etc.

[Janie]

Mako (and everyone else struggling!) DS does the same thing, wakes after an hour or so absolutely screaming his guts out! My poor little man is so tired he doesn't know which way to look, his eyes are hanging out of his head. Good luck with the paed.

Anna, I guess that's true, you can never make them totally happy, but it's a hard thing to come to terms with as a mummy You're ahead of me, that's for sure!

Jayne, sorry about the angel bunny how's Claudy going?

Michelle, hope you're getting some sleep. OMG, I didn't realise how long we were on the phone last week.....until I got my bill today PMSL!

Deb, I hope Immy is well and truly on the mend.

Lynn, are you around hun? Hope everything's okay.

I know I've missed others, hi to Lisa, Willow, Spring, and everyone else!

I have a rose bush, that a dear friend, Louise, gave me when we lost our angel. It's a lovely plant, I keep it in a pot in the backyard. I realised today that although it is often in flower, I only ever see it with one flower on it at a time. I know nothing about plants, but it seems like a bit of a sign to me. I showed it to DS today, he was fascinated, and although I felt sad, I could actually smile at how pretty it looked.

[~Jayne~]

MAKO _ Jessica & Claudia both did the wake up 30 minutes after bedtime every single night for literally months on end. I have been told it's the transitioning between one sleep cycle to the next but it's hard work. I ended up tearing my hair out too, but what ended up working was just bringing them out into the lounge & letting them sit on my laps until they went back to sleep. I knwo you're meant to keep them in their rooms, but i'd get so upset & couldn't settle them back down & I found if I came out & watched tv with them on my lap, I'd calm down & so would they? Worth a try honey! Good luck!

[Janie]

Yep, that's what I did tonight Jayne, just lay on the couch with him and watched Sex and the City LOL! He was asleep pretty quickly, but I got stuck there watching

[AnnaT]

So after my little happy post about Ripley and is great sleeping habits lately he's gone and proved me W-R-O-N-G at bedtime tonight. He is still awake but just lying in his cot.

Ugh.