Parenting After Loss & Miscarriage - July '08

[Janie]

Mako, those days are so hard. I know it doesn't help, but your not alone, we've all spent time on the floor in tears......well at least I have Before you know it, you'll be having the most brilliant day, and today will seem like a distant memory

[Spring Angel]

Mako: Janie is right, I've too have had my fair share of melt-downs when I've just thought it is all too hard and I can't do this Mummy gig. But you are doing a wonderful job. It sounds like Hubby really needs to pitch in and give you a break. If you want, on Tuesday, we can look after DS and you can go and get your hair done or something. Just a chance to relax.

Deb: Here's to the end of winter hey so you get a break from these chest infections. Hope you and your little lady are feeling a bit better and more rested today.

Willow: WTG L, sleeping without the wrap. That is awesome news.

Jayne: Hope Claudy is ok and it isn't anything too serious. Lets us know how you are when you get a chance.

Well I don't know what is going on but all of a sudden DS has decided he will self settle again yesterday he self settled and slept for...wait for it.... 2 hours! This is the kid that usually has 30 mins to 45 mins. I just put him in the cot then with some books and he self settled again, he has been asleep for 1 hour already. About blooming time kiddo. 10 months of cat-naps is enough to send this mummy bonkers.

DH is working today so I'll be around today.

ETA: A little whoo hoo for us. I just realised that we are on our way to my goal of 12 months breastfeeding. I don't think I'll wean him then but I do think I'll introduce cows milk so I don't have to express at work. I have to be honest, I'm proud of myself.

Big love
Spring xx

[Janie]

Yay Spring for two hours! But honestly, how many times did you creep in/past to check he was okay? It's so great when they throw a big sleep like that, but it always freaks me out a little And then you get spoilt, because you wish they would do it all the time LOL. It's amazing how the habits of these little people affect us so much. Here's hoping you get another one today!

ETA Well done Spring What a great effort, especially with working. At 12 months you may find that he's only having a morning and night feed anyway, so the milk during the day really isn't an issue. Unless he loves his middle of the day bottle (as mine does *sigh*) and then you can pop cows milk in it for him. But otherwise a cup of milk is fine. Great achievement hun.

[Willow]

Janie is right, I've too have had my fair share of melt-downs when I've just thought it is all too hard and I can't do this Mummy gig.

Me too - both times!! Probably worse this time actually It's just part of being a mummy, it can be very challenging at times. The hardest job in the world but as we all know the best job too! I hope today's been much better for you babe

Spring - speaking of b'feeding and work...heading back myself in about 8 weeks. Have started expressing and freezing EBM a few weeks ago. I'm only doing it once a day cause as a lot of you will know, it becomes a PITA if you do it too much and I don't want it to become a chore. I usually have a break over the weekend too. So far I've got enough for about 3 weeks (because I only work 2 days a week), getting about 70-100mls per go. If I can store enough to get us through till he is 12 months, I'll be really, really happy because it will take the pressure off me when expressing at work. How are you finding it? With DD she was down to three feeds a day by about 11 months, so I was feeding before work, sending EBM for lunch, then feeding again before bed (and she had been sleeping through for a while...ahhh, not so lucky this time!!). But L feeds a lot more than her so we'll see how we go. He does seem to be dropping his late afternoon feed though, so that's good in a way. How much EBM do you leave for Olly? I gave DD cow's milk instead of EBM too at about 13 months because I got sick of expressing, but would like to wait longer than that this time if I can.

10am at Cookie Man on Tuesday is fine for us - can't guarantee I remember where that is, but I'll find you! LOL.

Janie - got all my training paper work on Friday...feeling a bit daunted by it all! Need to finalise my assessments for the units I've got to do for CE, then I'll decide whether or not to keep going. I doubt I'll get it all done in 12 months, but that doesn't really bother me. If I do go ahead, I'm getting myself a lap top. Will just make it so much easier to get stuff done with the kids, travelling to work etc etc.

[Spring Angel]

Thanks Janie. I too have a boobie boy here and he is feeding 3 times a day (mid morning, mid afternoon and before bed) and then usually once overnight so that's 4 times every 24 hours. I'm thinking of trying to reduce it to just one feed during the day from 12 months and gradually introduce cows milk instead of EBM. If we are just doing a morning and night feed then I'm happy to continue for a while longer.

Willow: As you can see above we are still feeding (around the clock ). I'm only working 2 days a week and I express the same times I would feed so mid morning and mid arvo. I aim to have two feeds of 120 mls for him for the hours I'm at work. He eats a lot of solids so I'm not worried about him going hungry and he also drinks water throughout the day. I have always given him his water and EBM in a sippy cup not a bottle and thankfully it hasn't interrupted our breastfeeding at all. It actually hasn't been that bad. Don't get be wrong, I don't look forward to expressing but I spend about 15 mins and then give up. That is usually enough for a feed.

[Flowerchild]

Congratulations Spring on Breasfeeding for 12 months

Immy is still not right - awful chest - no sleep = tired and despondent Mama...

Haven't the energy for posts - but I am here!

[Michelle71]

Hi girls - Tuesday 10am at Blacktown is good for me too. See you then

Mako - my last meltdown was on Tuesday, just before the boy got sick (which explained it) but there are many days when I fell like I just can't do this mummy gig.

Today is one - not because of the boy but because I am sick ...... AGAIN Another virus. More coughing. The boy is sick too with a nasty cough and fevers but he is happy enough. Feeling the need for some space (DH has taken the boy to the park) but getting misunderstood. When I say I never get any me time I am reminded of what he does do - which is lots!!! I know he does and I am eternally happy for what he does. I am blessed with a gem of a hubby. But that is not the point. It is not what he is doing it is what I am feeling and I am feeling like I need to be able to do some stuff for me without feeling guilty.

This morning I got to sleep in. Lovely yes but last night I was the one responding to my unsettled one who was miserable when the nurofen wore off at about 1am. I am always the one. He says - just wake me (DS is in the bed with us ) but what is the point. The boy only really wants mummy so there it goes again. I think I am just over touched from the little person and not held enough by the big one. Add pregnancy hormones and we are all over the shop.

Anyway, enough of my whinging. A good cry and I will feel better. Or I may go and hide in another room for a while with the music and candles. Don't get me wrong - I am very lucky to have my DH and he does do so very much. I just need some me time and some time where I don't feel like such cr@p. I am sick of being sick. 7 weeks later

BBL - hopefully in a better mood.

Deb - give Immy a big squishy hug from me (minus my germs) and a bigger one for yourself. I feel your pain. Hope you get more sleep tonight - even thought that is probably unlikely

[Willow]

I aim to have two feeds of 120 mls for him for the hours I'm at work

Ah crap...I was only planning on leaving him 100mls total for the day (with me feeding him before I drop him off and when I pick him up)...he is feeding either on waking or after breakfast, one at lunch time, one late afternoon then one before bed...I was seriously hoping he'd cope with 100mls for that lunch time feed and be OK skipping the arvo one on those days. I'm just going to see how he goes, he sort of looks like dropping that afternoon one soon anyway - he didn't have it today for example. If it's not enough, then I'll leave more, but that's going to mean more expressing - I can only get 60-100mls when expressing once a day.

Michelle - I understand how you feel because it's the same here. DH does as much as he can in the hours he's here, but that's just it - he's not here 24/7 like I am. This is one reason that I've come around to being content with the beautiful babies I've got and not pushing for a 3rd. I look forward to enjoying them as they get older and not being so heavily relied upon all the time. I look forward to getting 'me' back a bit. Starting to come around to the idea that you don't have to have a brood of kids to be a good mum or have a happy family

[Spring Angel]

Deb: Thanks for the congrats but not at 12 months just yet. I'm sorry to hear that it is tough going at your place at the moment. I really hope Immy is on the mend soon and you get to have a bit of rest.

Michelle: Mate, I have plenty of sympathy for you. Being UTD and having a sick bub has to be really hard. My DH is the same, he basically sleeps through when Oliver wakes up because I have a lad who has a serious case of 'Mummy will only do' at night. It is exhausting and sometimes I just resent the fact that DH is sound asleep and I'm up, again. So big coming your way.

Willow: Every kid is different but I find that Oliver drinks both 120mls and is sometimes looking for more. It is just trial and error really. If he is happy to eat solids then you can give him plenty of food and just offer water. Can I suggest that the week before you start with giving him EBM and then you'll get a bit of a practice run.

Well Sydney ladies, can make a suggestion. I really want to see you but if Mako, Michelle and the kids are sick perhaps it isn't a great idea. Usually I wouldn't worry about germs but given that we have a few days driving ahead of us I don't think it would go really well with a sick bub. Look, I am just thinking that it might be a bad idea for everyone who isn't feeling so well to lug themselves and their kids out. Perhaps we leave the decision until tomorrow and see how everyone is feeling.

Lv Spring

[Willow]

Spring - I've only ever left him with 100mls of EBM when I've gone out and left him with DH etc and he's coped OK with it, so we'll have to wait and see. Thinking maybe 120mls might be a better number to start with. If he needs more, I'll express more I guess.

I totally respect where you're coming from re cancelling on Tuesday. I'll leave it to those who aren't well to decide...

[Spring Angel]

By the sounds of it 100mls will be just perfect for L. The less you have to express the better I reckon. It isn't the most pleasant thing to do (lol) We need an expressing smilie (LMAO)

[Michelle71]

The boy isn't sick really - nasty sounding cough and runny nose but he is happy and running around like a lunatic. Mine is just the usual annoying cough with a virus. I can though understand that you may not want to share our germs before you travel. I would love to catch up but if you would prefer we keep our nasties at home I will just have to send you cyber hugs and get updated with Oliver pictures on facebook. Let me know.

What day are you leaving??

[mako]

Michelle Huge for you hun. Its awful when we just don't seem to get a break isn't it.Sending loads of get well vibes to your place too.
The only thing is here is that DH doesn't help out anywhere near as often as he should/could. He gets home from work in the arvo and either comes here to the computer or sits on the lounge and plays xbox and thats him for the night Its only when I'm either having a melt down or a dummy spit that he'll get in and help. Oh well I guess thats the way things are here...... Oh and my boy has a serious case of mummy is the only one who'll do too. He cries as soon as I leave the room or if I walk past him. A bit of seperation anxiety happening atm me thinks

Spring I have to say that we are all better here now so if you want Tuesday is still ok with us or we can leave it if you want. Sage is almost finished his AB's and his cough and runny nose are gone. But I totally understand if you want to leave it. Just let me know

We have had a much better day today. We all had a sleep in and Sage has had 2 really big sleeps through the day too He is asleep now and has been since 6ish. I'm sure he'll be up soon for a feed though and then we'll be heading to bed.

Hope you are all ok.

[LisaL]

Hi ladies,

Another quickie from me, just finishing off some reports for tomorrow morning.

Mako, Michelle & Deb - hope things are on the up for you all.... I feel your pain.

Spring - YAY for the little mister settling himself! And wow to you and Janie for brestfeeding for so long!

Big cheerios to everyone else. Im good, had a big weekend and now very tired. Miss A has been going to sleep with no problem, fingers crossed she keeps it up. She has two teeth cutting through but with some strategically placed Bonjela, she manged to go down very easily. Lets hope it lasts til the morning...

ANY NEWS ON CLAUDY?? MISS JAYNE, HOPE ALL IS OK

Night special ladies, and sleep blessings to you all,

Lisa XX

[Spring Angel]

Well if everyone is on the mend then I would love to see you all before we head off. We will just have to make sure Oliver and Oscar don't play musical water bottles like last time (lol). So Blacktown at the Cookie Man at 10am it is. Is that an alright time for you Mako? We can make it later if you want to avoid traffic. I can't wait to see you all again and give you belly rubs Michelle.

Lisa: Wow a good teether, that is fantastic. Hope those teeth pop soon.

ETA: Michelle we leave on Saturday morning but we are homeless from Thursday (all our stuff will be on it's way) Thankfully Lynn is so kind as to have us stay with her. So I get some extra Ethan cuddles before we go also.

[Willow]

Ok, cool, will see you all then. Spring, I think it was Mako that suggested 10am, so she should be fine.

My turn today to be reduced to a blubbering mess...still struggling to get DS to sleep without the wrap and it's doing my head in. I just hate that he's nearly 9 months old and we are still battling these sleep issues, it just feels like it's never going to end and that is a depressing thought....

AF is due any time now I think, so that's probably not helping. I have so much ABA stuff to do in the next week, one stand at a council health day on Wednesday, another in a local shopping centre for Breastfeeding Week next week, then a Breastfeeding Education Class to present at on Saturday (which I haven't even begun to prepare for), plus try and get all these assessments done. I just feel like I don't have time to do any of it when all of my time is taken up by the kids. I'm going to have to rethink continuing on with the counsellor training, I just don't think I can juggle it all and keep my sanity (somewhat) in tact

OK, whinge over, I'll take my depressing mood elsewhere...

[Spring Angel]

Whinge away Willow, that's what we are here for.

Sounds like you have a lot on your plate. I hear you on the sleep issues. I have 12 months as this magical time in my head that it will all resolve but I know I'm kidding myself. It is funny, Oliver only work up twice last night and I think it is an awesome night. Where as some other mothers with kids who sleep well would think it was a shocker.

About the wrapping, I'm sure you've tried everything but have you tried a sleeping bag? Just a thought.

[mako]

Yep 10am is good for us.... Can't wait to see you all again

Spring is Lynn coming along too? How is she doing? I've been thinking about her alot.

Oh and well done Olli for self settling.I can only dream of that happening here one day EVENTUALLY

Willow I'm sorry that you are feeling low sweet. You sure do have some busy times coming up don't you? I'm sure you'll be fine though and you'll look back and realise how well you've done

Michelle How are you and Oscar and Edna going? Hope you are feeling better today too. Did you get much "you" time yesterday?

Lisa How did Miss A go last night? Did the bonjela do the trick?

Janie How are you going? I hope everyone is ok at your house.

Big to Deb,Lynn,Anna,Bek,mummyto2,Jayne and everyone I have missed.

As for me Dh and I had a huge talk last night. We discussed sooooooo many things and hopefully things will change a bit around here. We are quietly thinking of moving interstate just to try and get ahead financially and to have a break from family. Dh works for his family and gets treated like s***. I'm over it and so is he. We'll be making some phone calls about jobs this arv when he gets home so I'm sure we'll be talking some more. The only concern DH has about going is that he's worried that I won't have any support but like I told him I don't have a huge network now but I do know that my BB friends will be there wherever we move too
Anyway will come back later when I get a chance and will definatley see you girls tomorrow