Parenting after Loss and Miscarriage ~ September 2008

[MistyFying]

Welcome to Parenting after Miscarriage or Loss. In this thread you will find women who are navigating the sometimes difficult but joyous challenge of parenting after saying goodbye. This can throw up many challenges and in here you will find friendship and a safe place to share your experiences.

If you have any concerns within the thread please email/ PM any of the following Moderating/Admin team for this forum (all emails & PM's are treated equally & confidentially) :-

Niliac
Mistyfying and
Flowerchild

Their email addresses can be found here.

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Here's wishing each and every one of you, a happy and easy going parenting journey after a difficult ride to get there!

You will find the previous thread here.

[mako]

Just a quick 1 to let you know that we did avoid the hospital trip Thursday night Phew!!!
Sage still isn't 100% but he isn't too bad. I'm just letting him ride it out but keeping a very close eye on him. He's drinking more now and is eating tiny tiny amounts of custard(won't touch anything else so its better than nothing I spose)

I hope all the Daddys have a very happy Fathers Day tomorrow.

[Janie]

Glad to hear Sage is on the mend Mako. If it's custard he wants, let him have it! Hope you're hanging in there, it's tough with a sick kid

[Janie]

WOOHOO BB is back on! DH was on night shift last night, so I got all cosy and ready to spend some time on here, but I couldn't! Was so disappointed.

Anyway, don't know if anyone else has heard from Willow, but she sent me a happy text this morning (I'll let her fill you in ). She's probably going to stay an extra night, so will likely be back home tomorrow. Yay Willow, looking forward to hearing all about it!

Hope everyone had a nice weekend, and the daddies enjoyed their day

[mako]

Janie I got a happy txt from Willow too

Sage is alot better now. He just has a runny nose and a cough but its not too bad. I'll get him checked out tomorrow when we visit the GP again. I'm also getting a referal to go to sleep school(thanks Willow). You've inspired me to make things better here too.
I have just informed DH that I'm taking this step as I'm having a really hard time of it atm and he said do whatever it takes.
I'm just sooo tired and am finding myself getting cranky over the littlest things which usually isn't like me and its causing a bit of tension here which isn't good.

Hope everyone is ok.

[AnnaT]

Yay Im glad Willow is happier now, look forward to hearing all about it!

I really admire you guys that have bubs who wont sleep. Ive been lucky that apart from the occasional wake up for a bottle or dummy they sleep a good block of time every night. What little they do wake for I nearly die from exhaustion because of so kudo's to all of you, your rockstars!

[Michelle71]

Hi girls I'm back from a weekend in Canberra. Was lovely!!! Dual purpose - work and a weekend (shock, horror) together We had a lovely Father's Day and the boy is good. The girl is kicking like demon which makes me one very happy mumma too. The anterior placenta has moved more fundal so I am getting the most movement / kicks I have ever had!! She is still breech (all the kicks are at the bottom) but we will start work on moving her soon. Although I am pretty relaxed about the thought of a vaginal breech so that is one stress gone.

I am so pleased Willow has had some positive results with the sleep school - and good luck for you too Mako I am jealous but our sleeping is *ok* at the moment so I will just keep riding the waves knowing it is all going to get a lot worse in 15 ish weeks. May as well be up with them both Remind me of this later someone as I slowly (or not so slowly) lose the plot.

BBL for personals. Have to do more washing and get the boy's dinner sorted.

[Willow]

Hey girls, we're home!!

I'll cut to the chase and say that things are sooooooo much better after 5 nights at sleep school. But it was truly one of the hardest things I have ever done. I can't tell you how many times I wanted to take him out of his cot and run out the door on the first two days. It was sooooo hard and there were plenty of tears. It's definitely not something the average mum could do unless she'd exhausted all avenues and really hit rock bottom I think. Talking to the other mums just reaffirmed the awful impact this can have on a family.

The first and second nights were horrific - he just would not give in to sleep. The only thing that got me through was that he was cranky, not upset. The nurses were so surprised by him and told me his behaviour was very similar to the toddlers they see - if he could speak he'd have been swearing at me! LOL. It made it easier though, cranky is easier to cope with than distressed. I was encouraged to go in to him as often as he needed or whenever I needed to, just to make myself feel better.

I thought the first thing that they'd say would be to cut out night feeds but they didn't at all. They agreed that offering a feed if he wakes before midnight was the best course of action for now and to wait until he had established a good night pattern before trying to challenge this.

Having said that, some of the stuff I saw in there with regards to b'feeding made me firmly bite my tongue...quite a few mums there to wean their babies off the breast...but I guess it's not right to judge when I don't know the reasons behind it and I guess when a mum says she needs help they can't pick and choose who gets it and who doesn't. And like anything, you take the advice that works for you and ignore the stuff that doesn't.

By night three he was not only putting himself off to sleep with about 20 mins of sporadic whinging but he was sleeping through from 6.30pm to 5-6.30am with one feed before midnight. This is HUGE for us. He has never, ever slept that long. The most exciting thing was that if I heard him stir in the night, he'd briefly call out or roll around a bit then put himself straight back to sleep without my help. In the last few weeks when things got really bad I was going in to resettle him 10-15 times a night

In the last few weeks he has also been refusing his afternoon sleep but the last 3 days he has gone down with minimal fuss and had a good sleep.

I think the biggest light bulb moment for me was talking to a nurse one night who told me to start thinking about things in a different way - to give the responsibility of L's sleep back to L. I had completely taken on the role of trying to get him to sleep when ultimately, it was up to him to do it. In that moment I could accept that this wasn't all my fault, that I hadn't made him this way and that with my help, he could learn to sleep on his own.

So now we're home we have to keep going. He's done well today, two good sleeps with minimal fuss and tonight went off with about 20 mins on and off of banging on his cot and calling out . I didn't have to go in to him once - this is the first time this has happened at home in about 4 months!

I am hopeful that those awful times are behind us now and we can look forward to more sleep and a happier family life...only time will tell I guess but now I have seen that he can do it, I refuse to go back to the way things were. DH has been so amazing and has supported me all the way. He has seen the results for himself so I think if I start slipping back into old habits he'll be the first to steer me back on the right path.

These methods aren't for everyone, but to notice the dark circles and bags under his eyes slowly fade away over the last week, I know I've not only done the best thing for my sanity but I've also done the best thing for HIM. I wish we could have achieved these results with other methods, but this is what worked for us.

[Michelle71]

I am so proud of you You have done what was needed for you and your son to get the best possible results for your family. And you survived

Me - off to bed after a night out for an end of season dinner. Lots of people very close to me retiring or moving on so a sad night but also one of celebration and thanks for lots of hard work. I have some very special friends from this *sideline* job The boy was pretty good for his aunty / godmummy but woke at his usually time of 10pm wanting physical contact. Cuddled up with her and is still asleep - just transferred back to bed. He is such a tactile creature

Sweet dreams everyone!!

[Willow]

HE SLEPT THROUGH THE NIGHT WITHOUT A FEED OR ME RESETTLING!!!

OMG, I never thought this day would come!! He went down just before 7pm, we went to bed at about 9pm, I woke up at 2.30am and thought 'oh crap, he slept through so now if he wakes I'll have to resettle rather than feed..' so laid there for ages a bit worried but must have finally drifted off. He woke at 4.30am but that's way too early for me to feed him so I gave him 5 mins and he put himself back to sleep!! Woke at 6am, quick feed and back in bed till 7.30am.

He slept for 11 HOURS!!!

Sorry for the totally self absorbed post, will BBL but am just so excited!!

[Michelle71]

Happy 1st Birthday Mr O (and congratulations Spring on surviving the first year ) I hope you have a wonderful day and get spoilt rotten. Keep your eye on the mail - Oscar has sent you a surprise (or he will have when his mummy goes to the post office )

Willow - You should be excited!!!! A full night sleep for L - and maybe you could get a full night soon too

[Willow]

Oooh, sorry Spring, I've been in a time warp the last week...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LITTLE MAN!!

Wow, he's a big boy now!! Hope you have a wonderful day. So happy that you'll have your family and friends around you to celebrate.

[AnnaT]

Happy birthday Mr O!!

Yay for L sleeping through! I bet you are feeling a bit more rested today Willow. Sounds like you made the right decision to sleep school him. I think part of parenting is having to make decisions that dont always sit well with us but are the right ones for the future of our mother-child relationships. Its the downside to this gig.

Can I ask how you got L to settle himself? Ripley has been a bit of a pain with going to sleep of a night but once he's down the most he wakes (every few nights) is 2 or 3 times, once for a bottle. Its starting to get on my nerves because half the time he wakes and just wants to play, when I certainly do not. My sleep is precious right now because Im just on the verge of the constant peeing and being uncomfy on my stomach but settled enough to get some decent blocks of sleep.

[Spring Angel]

Thanks guys

Just popping in to wish my gorgeous little prince Happy 1st Birthday you are such an amazing little person, our love for you grows and grows every day. Your Daddy and I are so proud of you and love you with all our heart

Love Mummy and Daddy.

[Spring Angel]

Great news Willow, I'm so glad to hear that things are on the improve.

What a clever little boy

[LisaL]

Happy Birthday O Man! Hope your day is filled with love, kisses and birthday suprises! A big congratulations Spring, you must feel so proud of your little man and of yourself for being such a wonderful mummy. Hope you all have a fantastic day

Willow - sweety I am sooo thrilled that it worked for you and well done on achieving your first night of real sleep at home! You must be so elated. And you did the right thing, for you, L and the family.

I am having sleep issues with alexandra this week. She is sooo tired at night, rubbing eyes, and puts her head on my lap or on the couch and says 'na - na' which means night night. BUt then when I go to put her in the cot, she screams and holds onto to me like a monkey. So finally about two hours of this to-ing and fro-ing I got DH to put her in the cot, and she sooked for about 2 mins and went to sleep. She has been real clingy with me, so not sure what is going on there?

Hope your all well, BBL for more personals, im at work so just had to sneak this one in

[Spring Angel]

I just wanted to do a little Whoo Hoo for me. Today marks 12 months breastfeeding with no comp feeds and nothing other than water.

I'm proud of myself for that and for the goodies that Oliver has got over the last 12 months.

Spring

[Flowerchild]

Oh dear I feel so out of the loop - Happy happy birthday to Oliver with extra special birth day hugs for his Mama! It IS a wonderful accomplishment to b/feed for twelve months so for you! I hope you all have a beautiful day celebrating this special occasion.

Well for me things have been a bit rocky - Immy still coughing and I have laryngitis much to everyone's amusement!

Things are a bit tough at the moment - but when you are down you can only go up. I will fill you all in over the next few days.

Love to you all and I will be around more now I promise...