Pregnancy After Miscarriage and Loss June '08

[Flowerchild]

Welcome to Pregnancy after Miscarriage or Loss. We are so glad that you have found this thread and the wonderful women here who understand the special concerns of Pregnancy after Miscarriage and Loss. We look forward to sharing your journey to holding your baby in your arms.

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You will find the previous thread HERE

[csab]

Hi everyone,

I havent posted in here before, but I think I really need to. Although I am 20weeks soon I have had nothing but stress all the way thru this pg. I just need to know if I am the only one that feels this way. I am so worried that something is terribly wrong with my baby girl even tho a CVS earlier on in the pg cleared any chromosome adnormalties, yet being told today that not all abnormalties / problems can be picked up. Problem with the u/s last week, and needing to have another this week. I must seem such a worry wart to others. I am so scared of another loss, yet I am just as scared of something being terribly wrong with bub, and that it is all my fault as I wanted another baby.
All I wanted was to have a stress free pregnancy with no problems at all, and a healthy little baby at the end of it. I am praying like crazy that my little girl will be born healthy and happy, yet I just cant get rid of this stress. I have to get thru another 20weeks, and cant see hopw I can get thru the rest without worry. I honestly feel as tho I am not going to feel completely sane until my little baby girl is on my arms happy and healthy without any problems what so ever. It is just getting there which is the problem.
I am so tired of the tears I just want some positive news. I used to love u/s's, but I just stress out even more when I am due for one. I have tried to be positive, and when I am feeling positive I have tried to remain positive, but something always seems to pop up to make me question everything again. How ohhh how am I going to get thru this last 20weeks......

[AJC]

csab - I unfortunately don't have any words of wisdom, just a big for you. Will say a little for you and your little girl. I'm sure she is fine. Do you have lots of support around you (from DH or ob or other). Have you spoken with your ob about your concerns? Sounds like you've got alot bottled up. I'm so sorry that you are worried so much I wish I knew what to say to help.

[plc1805]

csab - i don't have the answers for you but I am really concerned for you!! Normally tests can give you some form of relief but it seems that your relief is always short-lived. I think a different approach is need to help you get thru the next 20 weeks. Are you a person of faith? I just don't know what else to suggest but sometimes praying makes you feel like you are at least doing something about it and putting it out there to the universe. I understand your worry - our minds are our own worst enemies at this time. I pray you get your heart and head into a better place for the sake of your health and that of your bubba girl.

[Mel A]

oh! Csab, It's terrible when those feelings and thoughts keep popping up un requsted. A huge for you.

I've found it really helpful every time the panic and stress arizes to ask myself (and answer truthfully) lots of action questions about the purpose of the thoughts, and actions I can take etc. even if one helps for a short period, I then know that I've created the stress and only I can illiminate them. With that much control over my state of mind (as a control freak) I then make a decision not to stress, I then do everything make sure I beleive that decision.

(I've just re-read what I've written, I'll try and explain it a bit better, so hopefully that makes some sembelence of sense)

Some of the questions.
What is the purpose of the worry? This one is not what it is about, but what the worry gives or creates for me
What am I focusing on? Is everything negative. eg. If we think, I don't want to be stressed, I don't want to be stressed. We are consentrating so hard on be stressed that that is what we end up getting.
So, what else can I focus on? This gives us something positive to focus on and actions asosiated with that
Is there anything else I can do now to change the outcome of today? this sets us up to be happy and stress free now.

Also if your really up for a bit of self exploration, you could ask what am I proving to myself every time I worry? What I find is that I tend to be getting something else out of the worrying, getting this "something" out of the worry, out weighs the want for less stress.
It could be something as simple and as hard as; I want the attention, that the stress and worry gives me from my family and friends. I'm afraid of not being enough for them so this is away for me to keep control of their emotions, ensuring they are focused on me.

I truely believe that we control and have created our own reality, so we can change it. When our babies are born they don't have worries or cares, these are created through experience. A baby at some point decides who they need to be and what they need to do to survive in this world. (good luck to all us mums, having to create those experiences) i say as adults if we haven't had a good hard look at the decisions made and the person created by the 6 year old us, perhaps it is time to up date.

With all of this, being calm and content in pregnacy is very very hard, I won't speak for all the ladies here, but I definetely have days where I just want to curl up in a ball and cry. So, please your not alone, you have a miracle growing inside of you, and regardless of the outcome, every day that gets you closer to holding your baby, is part of a fantastic journey. A journey that we only get to experience a few times in our lives and that many never get to experience. xoxoxoxoxoxo Hope this helps.

[satya]

Welcome to the thread CSAB. I was hoping you'd join us here as I've been following your progress elsewhere on BB. I've had plenty of stress throughout this pregnancy too so you are not alone. I had two episodes of spotting - both times resulting in bedrest during the first 8 weeks. Stress. The first OB I went to told me that due to my age (42 now) I'd be most likely off work due to high BP from 30 weeks. I've stressed about that throughout the pregnancy yet here I am till working at 36 weeks (5 more days to work). I then got a bad NT result - 4.2 measurement & ended up in tears in the waiting room whilst trying to pay my bill (my DF could not attend the appointment so I was alone). Stress. The combined results came in as 1/37 for downs. Stress. The two week wait for the amnio. Stress. I go to get it done, they decide I'm a couple of days early so have to come back again. Stress. I get the amnio done & then worry about miscarriage. Stress. I wait for the FISH results. Has to have been the longest 24 hours of my life so far. They come back with no abnormalities detected. Finally some news to celebrate. Two week wait for the remaining results. Stress. Nothing found again. No stress.

I went pretty well for a while, nothing wrong with the 22 week scan, growth 5 days ahead of schedule, but had to have a 32 week scan to check on growth due to the abnormal 12 week scan. I get told that all looks well with growth, a little on the small side, but quite normal. I also get told that the blood flow through the cord is on the high end of normal. I get told that I have to have another scan at 34 weeks and if it's still up it will mean further monitoring or induction. Stress for another two weeks. The next scan shows cord blood flow to be within normal limits. NO STRESS.

I'm seeing my OB tomorrow so will find out the full results of that scan but I'm presuming all was OK with the scan. The sonographer would only comment about the blood flow.

Pregnancy can be stressful for some of us. I think for most of us that have suffered losses it is stressful. All I can suggest is to try to be as positive as you can througout it all and celebrate the little victories (like when you get past a certain stage or get a good scan). Before you know it you will be in the home stretch like me. Trust me, you really will be. I used to sit back and see the posts from ladies in their final weeks wondering if I would ever get there, and suddenly I am.

Tonight I'm stressing as my feet are huge and I've had two lots of nasty pain on my right side that I could not make myself comfortable through and can't help but wonder if I'm going into labour. I'm probably not, but I can't help imagining that I am.

It's true that amnio's and CVS are not 100% but they are pretty close to...... way more accurate than ultrasounds. It's very unlikely that there's an issue with your bub, and if there is it's more likely to be a minor one.

Remember - the key is to try to keep positive, and when you just can't do that drop by here to be amongst those that understand. Best of luck with your next scan.

[kbowman]

Hey there, Cheryl. Just wanted to send you some big hugs. When this week is your next scan? I've worried and worried leading up to every scan that I have had, too. It doesn't seem to matter how many people tell me it will be fine. The fear is always lurking. At least in here, everyone understands and you don't feel like a whinger. And stories like Satya's give hope.

I had the glucose challenge test this morning. The drink itself was fine but towards the end of the hour's wait before the blood test, I started to feel so tired and woozy. Hope I don't have to have the next test.

[chris]

Hi girls,
Welcome csab, you are in the right place to talk your worrys out. I think a worry shared is a worry halved. I know I will try and help you. I have been through a bit. This is why I come on here - so I can help others.

kbowmam : The GGT test "drink" isn't as bad as it used to be. I hope you get a good result. I have to have a GTT at 18 w & 28 w as I have diabetics on both sides of the family. I have never had a positive test so I don't know what the next is like.

AFM : I have just got off the phone from the Del suit at the local hosp and I have to go down there some time today (hubby at work and no baby sitter). I was told to rest up untill I can go down so I am here trying to take my mind off everything. I haven't been well since saturday so a few hours shouldn't hurt. I have been trying to think positive about everything.

I hope everyone is well.
Take care
Chris

[AJC]

chris - hope you feel better soon.

afm - doing ok. Had more brown CM earlier this morn. It just comes and goes & had been over a week so I was hoping that it wasn't going to happen again. Am reciting ob's 'words of wisdom' over and over in my head and am really not that 'stressed' of course i'm always worried but i know whatever will be will be and it's only a week until our scan. for that healthy little hb.

Yay - for the long weekend. Plan to just rest & relax - that may be easier said than done though. Will try at least.

to everyone.

[Lucina]

Hi everyone

Ugh, I wasn't planning on posting anywhere like this until I thought I was 'safe', but I've just seen your post AJC and wanted to pop in and give you a big *hug* and say I know exactly what you're going through. I'm sorry to hear the brown CM has come back again, I hate it.

Oh, I'm 6 weeks and 3 days today, pregnant after a missed miscarriage at almost 10 weeks in Feb 2007, and then 15 months of ttc, with assisted conception thrown in as well.

I am really on the verge of losing it completely, have been having brown CM on and off since I found out I was pg, but over the last day or so it's getting darker, and more of it. Still not blood, but I'm so scared that I'm going to m/c again. Had an awful dream that I was miscarrying last night, it was very scary and upsetting. Am waiting for my FS/OB to call me. I'm due for my first u/s next Tuesday afternoon, but am hoping it could be a little earlier.

Huge to everyone in here, it's so awful and scary and I really feel for anyone pg after a loss.



L
xxxx

[AJC]

Lucina - for you too. I saw the post in your thread about your dream and I really felt terrible for you. It's hard enough without the dreams. that all will be fine.

BTW - I'm 6 weeks 3 days today too! Hope we get big fat preggie bellies together!

I wasn't going to post in here until 12 wks either. But last pg I was so stressed the whole time and didn't get excited at all. But it really didn't ease the pain when I found out I had m/c (missed at 9wks). So I figured that this time I would be excited and positive because if things go wrong again I know I'm going to get just as upset even if I don't allow myself to be happy. Surely the happy excited vibes must be a good thing.

[SamiH]

Hi everyone

Seems we are all a bit stressed at the moment - I reckon cos it is getting colder and darker with the onset of winter - gotta blame something else

I second Satya's words - I remember posting in here when I was 4w2d and scared stiff - and nearly 23 weeks now and feel alot of wrigglin which is very comforting. Don't feel weird for knicker checking, I seem to have a bit more CM this time around and perhaps bladder not as good as it should be after having babies took me aaaaaaages to get used to that feeling without panic.

I was proud of myself yesterday - DH and I were, um, intimate - and later when I wiped I had two tiny spots of bright red - they were teensy, and instead on panic attack - calmly reassured myself that it was just a little blood vessel with all the blood volume increased. And nothing more since Ok, so I did a few extra trips to the loo, but came out smiling everytime - colleagues must have thought I was very strange ...

This preg has had lots of "firsts" for me, even though my 3rd that has made it this far - spotting, early pelvic pain, more CM, yesterdays two spots - but I keep forgetting I am also older now

[seenabeena]

I have a question for you ladies that I hope you can help me with. I was wondering what it felt like pain wise to have a mc. I know that's an odd question, but I had a missed mc so I didn't bleed or have any pain. I was just wondering if the pain is really strong like contractions or milder like period pain or maybe it's different for everyone. Also where do you feel the pain?

I ask because I get all kinds of strange pings, pangs, and pains in my lower and upper abdomen that I put down to growing/stretching pains, but it does make me wonder and worry some times.

Thanks

[satya]

Hi ladies.

I thought bubs was on his way last night. Had 3 epsiodes of nasty pain 1 hour apart - two of which resulted in my in tears - one in the car park at work, the rest at home. I could not get comfortable whatever I did - I tried sitting, standing, walking, all 4's lying down. The pain took my breath away and I actually found myself breathing somewhat like they tell you to in birthing classes, funny seeing I didn't go to them, it just kinda came naturally. Anyway it stopped so it was either braxton hicks or pre labour.

Had my OB appointment today and was sure he was going to order me off my feet as they are huge from fluid but he's quite happy for me to keep working til next Wed. BP perfect, no protein in urine, had a scan and bubs head is still down so all is perfect. He did mention however that in the last 2 scans bubs leg bones have measured in the 5th percentile so at that age 95% of babies would have longer legs. It really looks like he's going to take after his mum. I'm 5 foot 1 and as a child was way shorter than other kids my age - even kids a year younger were always taller than me.

Kerry - good luck with your GD results. If you do fail it don't worry about the 2 hour test - it's just the same as the 1 hour one except you have to sit there for 2 hours and have 3 lots of blood drawn over the two hour period. I failed by first test but passed the 2 hour one.

Luiciana - welcome to the thread. This is the best place to be when experiencing some worries. Spotting doesn't always mean m/c - some ladies even have huge bleeds and go on to have successful pregnancies.

Sam - believe it or not I still knicker check and I wont wear pink or red knickers anymore as it's hard to tell what color your CM is.

[Emmy-Lou]

Hi Ladies
Well i had my first ever ultrasound today and everything is looking great...I'm measuring 6w2days by the u/s and bub is in the middle which is good...was a bit hard to get a really good pic because I have a retroverted uterus so apparently thats why the dr wouldn't have been able to feel it. ALSO we got to hear bubba's heartbeat and she said it was a beautiful heartbeat...I think its the most beautiful sound Ive ever heard...I have had a smile on my face all day and am so relieved to have one milestone out of the way..am still praying that this lil one stays with us and taking one day at a time.

Sorry no personals and Tke Care All xoxoxxo

[baby hopes]

Hello Ladies

I havn't posted here for ages big to all the new ladies there are so many here now

it took me ages to catch up i am not going to attempt personals i am pretty hopeless

Well i went for my glucose test today and failed that so was sent to the clinic and as of

monday nxt wk i have to follow a diet for 3 days then go back and sit for the 2hr test i go

to the clinic for my visit next wed and have to have another needle cause i'm neg blood

group so that will be 3 in 2 wks oh the joy not much else to tell atm.

[SamiH]

seenabeena - everyones experience is different. My first m/c - woke up, went to toilet, wiped and had beginning of period like blood - no pain immediately but after a couple of hours, heavy period pain.

My second was also a missed m/c - hence my nerves this time around.

Satya - upside maybe is that the more prelabour pains you have, the smoother labour is supposed to go?? Nearly considered full term anyway and when you get to 36 wks it's like - come on lets get this show started!! enjoy the long weekend - how many more days of work??

[hopingsoon]

Hi. It's good to see all the new people in here. It is normal to feel stressed that something is going to go wrong. I had a miscarriage in January and fell pregnant straight after without a cycle inbetween and am still thinking something is going to be wrong. But so far all is good, touch wood.

I had my 19 week scan this week and all was well. It was actually measuring at 20/21 weeks which is what I thought I actually was but the doctor measured it differently on my second scan. I found out that we are having a boy but my husband doesn't know yet. It is really good for us because we have twin girls. Am now trying to decide between the names trent, noah and connor.