risks for C risks for VBA2C's

Ok Katkins. Guess what? It's your body, your baby. I know this might be confronting for you and your husband, but you alone are giving birth, not your husband. It's not up to him where or with whom that you do it. Stand up for yourself.
Your Ob needs a slap quite frankly. What sort of care provider would make an issue of a baby being transverse at 18 weeks? Please at the very least, ditch that Ob or your birthing experience is already carved in stone.

[BellyBelly]

What a shame you have disabled reputation Sam....!

I do? I have no idea. I just come on and hit post!

[becmc]

Katkins-The hospital I went to for my vbac would induce with syntocin. I guess it really depends where you go. My labour was a long posterior labour too, but in the end pushing my daughter into the world was the most amazing thing I have ever done.
It is so hard when you don't feel supported. Everyone says as long as the baby is healthy, which is true to an extent, but I do understand your feelings of wanting a vbac so badly, I did!
I guess the thing with this baby is you hopefully won't need induction, so if you were to go into labour spontaneously the contractions wouldn't be as full on. It sounds like you really need to talk to your hubby about what/why you want certain things from this birth. Me and my dh had huge problems dealing with it, but in the end as he said, it is my body. He would have preferred c/s too to avoid dealing with all the other stuff. Yes it may cost a bit to have a private midwife with you, but if you don't hire one and end up with another c/s will you regret it and be upset?? Those are the sort of questions you need to ask yourself.
My problem was actually going to a hospital in the first place. My dd was a planned homebirth, and we ended up transferring due to a long labour but I felt happy with the decisions because I was in control and making the choices-obviously based on what my midwife said, but I still decided in the end.
So if your dh knows that you could end up with depression or really stressed because the birth is not what you want then maybe he would be more inclined to try and see things from your perspective??

[katkins]

I've asked my friend to be a support person. She will stand up for me and what I want so at least I know someone will. The problem is, she's not so knowledgable on births and c/s and pregnancy etc. But I trust her support so much that I really want her there. I might ask her to check out BB and read up etc so she will be able to help me more. I know I have to have a big D & M with her about what I want etc, so when I next see her (she lives an hr away) I'll see what she say about it all. I don't know anyone who has a lot of knowledge about this stuff in this area so I feel at a loss in that reguard. I'll also try to talk DH about it all and tell him why I feel as I do. Prob is a lot of the time he puts it off and we never really get to talk about it. I guess cause it's not him who has to go thru it.
Having said that, he does love me and he wants what's best for me. But I think he thinks he knows what is best IYKWIM? I love him so very much, but yes, I feel very unsupported and such this pgcy

[joralyd]

:hugs: Katkins, I kwym, it makes it so much harder when your care providers tell you and your dh that c/s is the safest way and starts scaring you with the risks, my dh wants the safest for me (I'm sure that's what your hubby wants too) a natural birth after what's happened in the past and your ob's recommendations of c/s only compound his feelings that another c is the best way to go, he probably can't understand why anyone would questions the ob after all he is supposed to know it all about having babies right??
That's how I feel. I went to an ob because he/she is the expert, who delivers babies every day why would I question him? But if I don't he won't hear my needs and I will wonder if I could have changed the outcome.
Finding an ob that supports your needs for a vba2c and everything else you want of course would be fantastic but not always possible, I read an article of a woman that had to cross states to find a hospital and ob that would support her vba2c and of course cost is a huge factor as we still have families to support.
I guess what I'm saying is it's very difficult there are ALOT of factors to consider including our own fears, risks and opposition.

Katkins I do hear you I know exactly what your saying.

Hi Joralyd,

You are feeling what many pregnant women feel. If I may can I just correct you on something? You say that Obs are the experts but that is not actually the case. Midwives are the experts at normal birth. Midwives are trained to handle uncomplicated, normal pregnancy and births, as most are if left alone. Obstetricians are trained in the abnormal. Their forte is when things go wrong. This only happens in a small percentage (10-15%). If you had a cold, would you go to a respiratory specialist? Why then would a healthy pregnant woman go to a specialist? Unfortunately women think that by paying the most money, they will get the best care. This is simply not the case. It is a reflection of our materialistic society, and something that some obstetricians take advantage of.
I hope knowing this will enable you to reconsider the assumptions you have made about obstetricians being the experts and perhaps give you the courage to step away from social conditioning and find a care provider who respects you and will give you the birth experience you deserve.

[katkins]

I did a 3wk training in midwifery when I was doing my RN and I trust midwives above any OB/Dr. I saw them handling the whole thing and the ob came in to catch the bub or often he missed the birth. I am not a fan of OBs. And I know the risks are low. I KNOW I want to do it. I know my body CAN do it. And even the Ob at the hosp backed down a bit when I said I'm a nurse and I KNOW how low the risks actually are and that they can't force me to have a c/s. But the most distressing fact is DH not supporting me very much. He's not totally supportive of me having this bub (the timing wasn't exactly planned and he thinks it's too soon with two toddlers etc. He said yes, then the next day said no, but too late, was pg by then). He's been making me feel like cr*ap by saying I'm not coping and that's why my BP is up. But most of the time it's not, it's seems to only be when one Dr takes it that it's "High". I'm not swelling and I feel fine. Yes my kids stress me, but heck, they stress him too! I'm working nights, looking after the kids during the day, doing ALL the housework barr cooking (and dishwasher broke down ) and running around with kids. One has severe knock knees and the other has absence seizures (epilepsy), having to see Dr twice a week for BP monitoring and add to that play group and Dh's temper etc. I think I am doing quite well.
None of my family or friends really know much about births and risks, so I can't turn to them for support really and Dh puts everything off all the time so we never really get to talk about it. *sigh* Any wonder I feel so lost and unsupported?

[doulacara]

Katkins,

:hugs: I totally understand how hard it is to be preg with no 3 and have two littlies running around - it is so damn tiring and so hard to get some time to just be.

You should be really proud of yourself for seeking out the information you need to get your VBA2C - it sounds like you are doing all the right things and seeking support for your decision. Many women would just accept whatever the ob told them was right, so be proud of that.

I don't have any answers with regard to your DH, but maybe sitting him down once the kids are in bed one night and explaining how low the risks are and how important a natural birth experience and his support is to you might be a step in the right direction? If he is a numbers kind of guy, perhaps giving him the studies to read maybe? It would be worse to accept an unwanted and unnecessary c/s and then resent him for it.

All the best,
C