new and sad

[dd0207]

brcttabitha, thanks I too like to think of my boy in my mum's arms.
krisit, how long after your loss did you fall pregnant?

Stanas, thanks for the hugs, I certainly need them. I am so sorry for your loss too. What a beautiful name, if I had had a girl that is the name I chose. How long ago did you lose her?
Can't believe the hospital sent you home without doing any tests! How awful for you. From what I know, doctors won't put a stitch in until they are certain you have IC and IC can only really be diagnosed if they see your cervix funnelling or dilating on ultrasound during pregnancy (which was the case with me) but since they didn't bother to check yours beforehand (still can't believe that!), you can't confirm that you have it. You are in such a bad situation trying to convince your new OB to put a stitch in but like you, I believe it is better to be safe than sorry. I think you're going to have to really insist and do what you feel is right with your next pregnancy. OBs try to avoid it because of the potential risks but without it, the risk of losing another baby is just not something I'm prepared to take. My prayers and thoughts are with you and I hope you get to share some great news with us soon!

[dd0207]

sorry, i somehow posted the above twice so i deleted the text but don't know how to delete the whole entry?

[kristi14]

Stanas- Sorry to hear of your loss. Sending you lots of strength. I hope you are blessed with another miracle soon.

dd0207- We lost Rubee mid september, i wanted to start trying straight away, so a week later we started trying . October and November didnt work. December i started bleeding but it wasnt normal, it was sort of lighter than normal and it wouldnt stop. Something made me test about 3 wks into the bleeding, i dont know what, because i was bleeding, but i tested and it came up positive. Because of the bleeding they checked my hcg levels and after a few days they were lowering but very slowly. In mid January i underwent surgery because it was ectopic. It didnt stop me though, i got straight back up and tried again. I waited one normal cycle after the surgery and then we tried again and i fell straight away in the March. I went on to have a healthy little girl. So it was 5 to 6 mths from when i lost Rubee, with an ectopic in the middle of that. My OB said i wouldnt have even ovulated in the first 2 mths after the loss.

[dd0207]

You have been through so much and i'm terribly sorry about your loss after Rubee. I'm so glad that you were able to fall relatively quickly after that tragedy and have a beautiful little girl. Wish me luck, DH and I are going to start trying tonight!!

[kristi14]

Thanks

Starting tonight? Thats good, i really hope it goes well Wishing you the best of luck and hoping you get a bfp very soon.

If you need anything, feel free to pm me.

[dd0207]

Thanks!! I really appreciate your support

[AngelLukesmum]

I am so sorry to read your story and had to respond as I can definitely identify with the journey you are now on. I am sorry to hear the other ladies stories in this thread also.

I lost my son Luke in November last year at 21 weeks due to what my ob thinks was IC. I had had a few weeks of gassy crampy feelings but being my first pg I assumed this was normal and due to my bowel getting squished around. I had my 19 week scan 13 days before Luke was born and all was normal ? my cervix measured normal, somewhere between 3.5 - 4cm, (can?t remember exact measurement). I then saw my ob for a routine appt and all was good then too. 5 days later, I woke up feeling the usual crampy feeling and had a bit of blood when I went to the toilet. I went to the hospital and they put the monitor on me and Luke was active and happy. Nobody examined me internally but I was given some pain relief as I was having quite bad tightenings across my stomach and then my waters broke about an hour later. After a couple of hours of no more pain I was sent for an u/s to check my cervix but they saw Luke had passed away and was on his way out of me. The u/s was at 11.15am, he was born at 11.43am.

After a false start in May with a m/c and D&C due to a blighted ovum, I am now just over 10 weeks pg and my ob has been fantastic. He is seeing me every week for peace of mind and did not hesitate to recommend that I have the stitch put in at 14 weeks which I will be doing. Due to the quick labour I had and how quickly my cervix changed between my 19 wk u/s and the day of Luke?s birth, my ob is of the opinion that a ?wait and see? monitoring approach would not be the best option and I trust his judgement. When he told me that if I was his wife, this is what he would be recommending, I was more than happy to go along with his suggestion! My ob is in the Hills area in Sydney.

As for how long it took us to fall pg again ? with the m/c it happened on our 3rd cycle of trying and with this current pg, I fell pg the 1st proper cycle after the D&C (had 1 period then fell).

Good luck with your journey ahead and look after yourself. Sids & Kids have been fantastic support for me and I can?t recommend them highly enough if you need to talk to others who have been through something similar. I hope you have some very good news to share with everyone soon.

[dd0207]

I'm so sorry for your losses and congratulations on your new pregnancy. You have been through such a rough time and I pray that all goes well and you get through this pregnancy safe and sound with a beautiful bub to take home at the end.

Sounds like your OB is keeping a very close eye on you which is great. My old OB was on holidays when I went into labour so his partner from the Hills District delivered my son. Wonder if it's the same OB you're seeing? Are we at liberty to say? Wow you went into labour very quickly and I thought I was quick - 2 hours for me. It must have been so shocking for you and my heart goes out to you (infact I'm in tears right now). My old OB said the same - the fact that my labour was so short means it will probably be the same for every pregnancy so I will definitely need a stitch too.

Did your cycle get out of whack after losing Luke? I have had 2 normal periods since losing my angel and DH and I want to TTC this month but I think my cycle is totally off the planet this month. I think I may have ovulated last weekend which is a week earlier than expected (I haven't been using OPKs, I only noticed EWCM). So we jumped right in but I bled very heavily afterwards and am still spotting since. I made an appt to see my OB tomorrow to make sure nothing is wrong. I'm so concerned there may be some underlying damage from the infection I had or the 2 curettes I had to have.

As for Sids & Kids - I called them the week I lost my angel and "no-one experienced enough" was there to talk to me. So I left my details and didn't get a call back for over a week! They were very apologetic but I was still very disappointed. I may still consider going to a group sessions to meet others that have experienced this unbelievable tragedy.

I'm so happy you responded to me and shared your story. I give you the warmest hugs and please keep me posted on your pregnancy and how you go with the stitch. My prayers and thoughts are with you.

[AngelLukesmum]

Thanks for your message dd.

Oh my gosh I am so so surprised at your bad experience with sids & kids. For what it is worth, I have been attending the monthly stillbirth meetings and they have been great. The lady who runs it is lovely and the women are all great. I have made some very good friends from that group. I have decided to stop attending for now though as I think I need some happy stories around me and will go to their subsequent pg after loss group and see what that is like.

My cycles were not too bad after losing Luke. I think I got my first period 6 weeks after his birth and then they were a bit all over the place in terms of length - anything from 23 days to about 35 days. I started taking a pre-conception vitamin & found that good as before I had Luke my cycles could be as long as 41 days. In fact when I fell pg with him I hadn't had a period for 3 months
Unlike you though I didn't need 2 curettes - that must have been terrible just to add on top of the already awful situation. I think I was about to be taken to theatre for my placenta but my ob turned up and decided to save me a trip and removed it manually. Let me tell you, that was more painful than anything! I don't know if we are allowed to say names, I guess they will remove it if we aren't, but my ob is Dr Bell from Castle Hill.

Good luck tomorrow with your doc appt and hope everything is okay. I would be worried too with the bleeding. Maybe your cervix is still recovering from the shock of birth, surgery, infection etc and needs some very tender loving care for a while

My stitch will be put in at the end of the month and I will def keep you posted on how that goes. Let me know how you go at the doc tomorrow too.
Sending you a big

[dd0207]

I don't know why they were so slack in getting back to me but I am sure they are very supportive. I think it's a great idea to switch to the other group and share this new journey with other women who are in the same situation as you. Good luck and I hope you find lovely friends there too.

The OB that delivered my son wasn't Dr Bell but I have heard great things about him. How awful for you to have to have your placenta taken out manually without any pain relief... but I guess after giving birth, nothing really compares does it??

It is so hard to keep track of your fertile times when your cycles get so out of whack. I was like clock-work before so it's very frustrating. I'm hoping its nothing serious but I'm so paranoid these days!

Thanks for your good wishes, I will let you know what the OB says. BIG BIG HUGS

[dd0207]

Hi ladies, hope you're enjoying your weekend and are all well.

AngelLukesmum, I saw my OB on Friday and you were right - just some inflammation of the cervix but everything else looks good. He took some bloods to see where my cycle is at and the results came back normal and I'm approaching LH surge. I got to see my maturing follicle on u/s as well and I measured 15mm. Said I should be ovulating in the next 36 hours or so... Ah the technicalities of it all. Don't forget to keep me posted on how things go for you. Thinking of you

[AngelLukesmum]

Wow that is pretty cool to see your follicle and know exactly where you are up to in terms of your cycle. Guess you and DH are busy about now hey?
I found using OPKs pretty useful when trying to pinpoint my ovulation but a scan sure beats that!
All still good with me - saw my ob on Friday and baby is doing well. I have my NT scan next Wed and then stitch will be put in on the 28 Oct. I'll keep you posted.
Take care, hope you have had a good long weekend x

[dd0207]

I'm so pleased everything went well at your appointment and your baby is doing well. It is so refreshing to hear good news. Yep, we sure are busy these last few days Thank goodness for the long weekend!! Hopefully I will be in your position by the end of the month

Wanted to share something funny with you - my DH thinks that when I use the term DH, I'm calling him a di*k head !! Should have seen the look on his face, didn't think I'd be getting any tonight until I told him it means Dear Husband and it's a term we all use - don't think he's convinced though. I'm sure he thinks I'm a mad woman.

Hope you enjoyed your long weekend and let me know how your NT scan goes. Lots of love

[AngelLukesmum]

You just cracked me up - I ended up having to tell my DH that story!!
Talk to you later x

[AngelLukesmum]

Hi
Hope you are staying sane in your 2ww
Just wanted to let you know that my NT scan went excellent yesterday - bubs was wriggling away in there and all looks great at the moment. Our risks for downs and the other trisomies are 1 in 10000+ so that was great news and my cervix for now is measuring so long the sonographer said nobody would believe her if she did an actual measurement
I see my ob again at the end of next week and then the stitch op is scheduled for the Tuesday after. I really hope we aren't risking this stitch for nothing, but I just can't take the gamble...
Hoping to hear some good news from you soon!
Jo x

[dd0207]

Hi there Jo. Great news on your NT scan! Am so very happy for you. I understand your concerns about having the procedure since your cervix is measuring so long, but like you, I probably wouldn't take the risk as we just CANNOT suffer another loss. See what your OB says but follow your own instinct in the end as we know they don't always know what is right for our body and only measure their opinions on past patients.
The 2WW is the hardest most frustrating wait EVER! I am driving myself absolutely crazy reading into every little feeling wondering could it be...? Our lives are lived in 2 week increments when TTC aren't they??? I'm due for AF this weekend so hopefully will have some wonderful news next week. Let me know how you get on with OB. I will be thinking of you. Diana x

[Joselyn]

DD0207,

I too have been reading everyone's threads and for some reason, didn't want to post anything. But after reading your post, I felt chills as I noticed how similar our stories were.

I lost my daughter at 23 weeks only 3 weeks ago (also to an incompetent cervix). Like you, I had asked my doctor about it, actually asking "how do I know if I have an incompetent cervix because no one has tested me for it" - he also replied with, "don't worry, you would know if you had one". I knew of another girl who had a similar experience so I was wondering when we get tested for that... but we don't.

I started to have a little water leakage and thought that it was normal - you always hear of pregnant women who complain of leakage so I just ignored it. Then, one morning I went to the toilet and found blood - I remembered feeling absolute disarray and shock at the prospect that I was losing my baby. I couldn't believe it - everything had felt so fine. I was referred to a specialist who admitted me straight away - they immediately scheduled me in to have the stitch put in (the cerclage). They said it was a 50/50 chance that it would even help, but they would still give it a go. But, after five days, my waters ruptured also and I had the stitch removed (my new doctor insisted because of the chance of infection). My little girl was born at 23 weeks, my husband and I held her for around 30 mins. She was perfect.

I know that if there is anything we can share, it is the hoping, the praying to whoever you look to for help (mine was my late parents), the going up and down, feeling like you have no chance, then feeling like for some reason, everything is going to be ok. And when its not, it is easy to think that everything always ends in ruin. But it doesn't...

I have also lost both of my parents to cancer - I am only 27. I understand your hurt because at a time like this you really need the love and comfort of a mum - but you and I have done this without them. But, I'm sure both our mums were by our side when we needed it most. Don't feel beaten, if there is anything you and I should both know after losing a parent is that life is just too short. before you know it, you are 75 and sitting on a rocking chair in your lounge room. So I know for me, I have to pick myself up. Its want everyone would want, my parents, and my little girl. We gave her the most precious send off, releasing balloons, playing sweet music and spending quality time with our loving families. We also planted a little garden to make sure we remember her and honour her every day. That was one promise I made to myself.

I am going to try again as soon as we are able and hopefully by then, you'll be able to share your good news with me and tell me what I'm in for I will make sure that my next baby they will know all about their older sister. We will celebrate her birthday every year with a little cake and party hats etc... She's in our hearts forever.

Good luck with everything DD0207, I hope our little angels are playing together as we speak.

[ZiggyStar]

Your story is so sad I wish you heaps of luck with your future bubbas.