new and sad

[dd0207]

Thanks for the good wishes, much appreciated (and much needed!). I see you're new to BB. Have you also had a loss?

[brcttabitha]

hello it's me brcttabitha, sorry haven't been around, been trying to deal with crazy drama from family members, so how have you been.

brtcttabitha

[dd0207]

Hi there. I have actually been thinking of you and tried to PM you the other day but I don't have access to that function. Not really sure how that all works, do you? Sorry you have been going through some drama - just to add on top of everything else you've been through. Do you want to talk about it? How are you feeling?

Things with me are still up and down... more down than up actually now that his EDD is coming up (13 November). We have started the TTC journey again but it's so hard and emotional. I just can't relax and enjoy "it" these days as I keep thinking that we are going through these motions to have another baby when all I want is Sebastian back. I know I shouldn't think like that but it's so hard not to.

What have you been up to?
Big big hugs xxx

[brcttabitha]

yeah i had tried to PM you also and don't have access, strange, you do have any messengers such as yahoo, aim, msn or myspace, then we can probably talk better about things, let me know, yeah i know what you mean about the due date coming, mine original due date was oct 22nd that was before we found out i was carrying twins, then dr's moved it to anywhere between 36-38 wks, so that would of made it anywhere between the last wk of sept or first two wks of oct and believe me i've been going up and down like a roller coaster, specially when family decided to cause drama and start to make things about themselves.

brtcttabitha

[dd0207]

Oh you poor darling, I really hope things in that department get better for you at least. I totally sympathise. Why can't everyone just leave us along unless they have something useful to say????!!!! My family just basically pretend nothing happened and say things like "there's always next time". It infuriates me, I want a "next time" but I want my boy back too!

From what I've read about the PM thing, you need to have participated in a certain amount of threads before access is permitted. I might ask the administrators to be sure. The only other email account I have is a work one (which is not very private) so will set up a gmail account and give you the address as soon as I've done it. How did you get through the EDD date?

[dd0207]

Joselyn, I'm so very sorry for not responding to you but I somehow missed it.
What a terrible loss, I am so very sorry. I can't believe doctors don't routinely check for IC when it seems to be so common. Perhaps OBs should be required to read through these theads as part of their training to fully understand that it is very common and a very important test to do - and really only takes a few seconds to check!

Your farewell to your beautiful daughter sounds lovely and I'm sure your garden will flourish every day.

My heart is breaking to hear that you lost both parents as well and I am sending you my love and the biggest hug possible I really miss my mum and think of her everyday but I especially long for her these days. There is nothing quite like a mum's hug is there? I am so glad you have a loving and supportive family and husband to help get you through these sad days and if you ever need to talk, I am here for you.

Good luck with the TTC journey. I have found it takes alot of courage to start again but I am certain we will both be blessed with a baby to take home and love forever. As much as I just want to collapse in a heap, you're right - we have to pick ourselves up and keep going for the sake of our parents and angel babies. I would love to think our babies are playing together as we speak... what a wonderful, comforting thought.

Diana xx

[dd0207]

Hi Jo
Wanted to wish you the best of luck for the cerlage tomorrow. I will be thinking of you. Let me know how you go x

[AngelLukesmum]

Hi Diana
Thanks so much. I am a little scared especially after doing too much googling yesterday but I am trying to focus on the positive stories and trust in my ob. I will let you know how it goes.
I have been thinking of you - any 'good' news from you?
Jo x

[dd0207]

Everything will be fine, I'm positive. You have a great OB and will get the best care. Sending you BIG BIG and I have everything crossed for you.

I'm really upset and haven't stopped crying all morning - AF reared her ugly head this morning - 8 days late. I was convinced I was having symptoms but I think it was one of those so called "phantom pregnancies". I was really praying and hoping I'd fall before Sebastian's EDD (13 Nov) and the anniversary of my mum's death (20 Nov) so I would have something else to focus on, what an unrealistic wish hey. AF is all over the place since the loss and it's so frustrating as I was like clock-work before. I feel sooooo despressed.

Again, good luck for tomorrow but I'm sure you'll get through it with flying colours. Look forward to hearing all about it.

[dd0207]

Hi Joselyn
Just wondering how you're getting on? Again, I am so sorry I didn't respond to you sooner - I don't know how I missed your story - I feel so bad and check to see if you've replied every day! I hope you're ok and gaining strength every day.

[AngelLukesmum]

Hi Diana

I am so sorry to hear AF arrived. I hope you indulged in a nice glass of wine and some yummy cheese

Well the stitch is in and I am feeling a bit sore and tender today. The op itself didn't take too long, about 30 mins or so but recovery was a bit longer than it took me with the D&C earlier this year. I woke up with shocking cramping and they ended up giving me some morphine which really only sent me to sleep and didn't do much to help the pain. The panadol later on seemed to work better! The op was at about 3pm and I was discharged at about 8.30pm. Was sick on my way home and again later at home but that seems to have passed this morning.
Bleeding has been minimal, a few spots here and there and I am finding a hot water bottle quite helpful with the tender tummy. I am also feeling a bit of pressure in the bowel region but I think that is because everything is a bit swollen from the surgery I will speak to my ob later today and double check all that anyway.
Apart from that, nothing else to report! I will see my ob again mid next week for a check up and then will have some regular scans until about 30 weeks. Stitch will come out between 36-38 weeks if I don't go into labour prior to that.

Good luck getting through Sebastian's EDD (day before my angels birthday) - I felt an enormous sense of relief when my EDD passed and I hope you find some peace with it too. I'll speak to you on here before that anyway I'm sure.

Take care and big hugs to you x

[dd0207]

Hi, sounds painful but so glad to hear all went well with the stitch. Sorry you felt and still feel sick. Be sure note down any feeling/pain/spotting etc to tell your OB when you see him. Can you go about your life or has he put you on bed-rest? Hope you get better soon and all goes nice and smooth from here on. If you need anything, I'm here!

The day I got AF I was an emotional wreck so I called my OB to chat about this messed up cycle of mine and the receptionist said I couldn't see him until December. I left a message for him anyway and he called me back that evening at 8.30pm and saw him yesterday. He is sooo wonderful and caring and always fits me in. Anyway, he put me on 50mg of Clomid to help regulate me and hopefully speed things along a little. Started yesterday so fingers crossed this is my month.

Thanks, I need alot of luck getting through the EDD - not sure if I'll go to work or take the day off and spend time to myself but I'm hoping that I will feel a bit better after that date. I'm sending you all my love on Luke's birthday.

Take care and rest as much as you can x

[Possums]

dd0207- just wanted to come in and say I'm so sorry for all you have been through...i hope you are starting to heal a bit...and glad you have found this supportive place to be. sending you all the best

[dd0207]

Thank you Possums. If it were not for BB and the love and support from women like you, I seriously don't know where I'd be or how I would cope. I am so very sorry for your loss and struggles. From what I can see by your signature you have been through a hell of a lot of heartache yourself and I wish you all the best on your journey and next cycle.Take care x

[Joselyn]

Hi Diana,

Sorry I have not responded to your messages - I decided that I needed to take myself away from it all for a while and that included popping on to this site. It was just a step I took to get my self through some difficult days.

I decided to hop on today to see how one of your friends went with her stitch - it sounds a little frightening but it went well and that's the main thing.

Me and the husband are heading off to the coast next week to have some 'us' time and to focus on TTC without other stresses. I am looking forward to the time away and having a break from everything.

I am having some issues at the moment with three girlfriends giving birth to their first baby in the next three weeks. All about a week apart. I was supposed to be 4 weeks behind one of them so it will be a difficult time for me over the next four weeks or so. My biggest concern is appearing bitter about their happiness - which really isn't the case - but I will do my best to look after myself and be happy for them at the same time.

No one (in my life anyway) knows that we are TTC. I make stories up to my friends about possible overseas travelling next year to put them off the trail that we might try again. That way, if we do fall pregnant, I can keep it from them for as long as possible. I want it to be top secret until I am pretty much bursting out of my clothes and it is past at least 29 weeks. I'll do my best anyway

How are you going? I noticed you were depressed on your mood? Sorry to hear... I have had a terrible few days myself. I just didn't know where it was coming from but then I realised that it is 10 years since my mum passed away and it was two months since I lost my little girl. Today is a new day though and I just try to keep fit and eat healthy because that always helps my mind feel lighter and happier!

I hope that everything is looking up for you in your world Diana.

Speak to you soon (and I will make sure I reply faster this time)

Love Jocelyn xxx

[dd0207]

Hi Jocelyn, so nice to hear from you. I totally understand your need for seclusion so don't worry about not responding to me sooner. I'm sorry it has taken me a while to respond to you but I did not expect anyone else to write to me on this thread so wasn't checking it regulary.

I am so sorry you have been struggling lately. It just hurts so much doesn't it? You are probably at the coast now so I hope you and hubbie are having a nice time together and supporting and loving each other during this very emotional time. I also hope with all my heart the get-away brings a little bundle of joy.

I too have had a few friends give birth around my due date and it is extremely hard to deal with. Although I was very happy for them, my insides were screaming in pain and sadness. Like you, my depression was compounded by the fact that my son's due date was so close to the 2 year anniversary of my mum's death - hence the depressed mood. What a sh*t week that was....

Same here, I have not told anyone that we are TTC again. How nice would it be if we could share our pregnancy journey together! Come and join me over at "TTC after late loss" thread. The girls over there are amazing, supportive and very welcoming. You can chat about everything TTC and it is all between us.

I have not heard from Jo (the friends that had the stitch) in a while but I see she is over in the "pregnancy after loss" section and seems to be doing really well. It comforts me to see success stories like this and I know we will be ok when our time comes. BTW, what state do you live in?

I am sending you the biggest hug I can muster up and I really do hope you feel a little stronger after your trip away. Again, please join me over in the other thread so we can chat regularly. It is so important and so lovely to be close to other women who can truly understand our pain.

Take care of yourself and hope to hear from you soon - either here or on the other thread if you are comfortable joining.

Lots of love
Diana

[AngelLukesmum]

Hi Diana
Sorry I haven't been in touch - I have been spying on you in the TTC thread though Hope you don't mind!
Things are going well for me and bubs is excellent. We found out on Monday that we are having a little girl so that is exciting
So far things are going great with my stitch. I have had no problems at all & my last scan my cervix had actually gotten longer so hopefully it stays that way! But we are fast approaching the time when we lost Luke so I am a bit on edge as you can imagine. I have another scan booked for the same gestation as when we had Luke just to help put my mind at ease & my ob is happy for me to visit him if I get nervous in between scans too.
Sounds like you have a good FS on board from what I have read in the TTC area & I hope you get some good news for xmas/NY
It seems like half the pg group chat in the TTC area so I might have to pop in there to say hi to you and keep updated with any news from your end

Jocelyn - I hope you and your DH are having a lovely break and good luck.

Jo xx

[dd0207]

Hi Jo! I am so excited to hear from you and have missed you heaps I admit that I too have been checking up on you over in the pg thread but didnt think it was right for me to say hi to you over there. You need to up the amount of times you write on these threads so I can PM you. Can't believe you are already so far along. Seems like yesterday....

I am so very happy you are doing well and the stitch is holding nice and tight. I know you will be very nervous until you pass the milestone but I have every faith in your cervix! Keep positive hun, you are doing great and it seems your OB is happy to check you whenever you feel anxious. Are you back at work or taking it easy?

A girl! That is so beautiful and wonderful, am very teary (with happiness) for you right now

Yes, the FS has really taken me under his wing and wants to help me get pregnant as quickly as possible so we have decided to do the FSH injections as I just cant get my cycle to regulate again. I really admire and adore him and am so thankful he is willing to help me out. I have a great feeling this month so am praying very hard I can give DH a beautiful stick with 2 bold lines on it

YES come on in and say hi, the girls are so lovely and yes, it is looking more like a pregnancy thread over there!

Take care and am always thinking of you

Hi Jocelyn, looking forward to hearing all about your get-away. Hope you are ok