Back to back losses

[Ali26]

Two weeks and 3 days ago I suffered a second miscarriage within a six week period, which has left me very deflated and on the verge of giving up for good.
On August 11 - very late at night I noticed a tiny amount of bleeding which sent me straight to the ED as I was 9 wks 4 days pregnant. In an ultrasound the following day no heartbeat was detected and size was put at 7wks. I was then told I would have to wait another eight days then go back for a repeat scan. On the repeat scan it was confirmed I had miscarried so was booked in for a D&C the next day.
Five wks and 3 days ( 28/9/08) after this I confirmed another pregnancy, only to 6 hours later commence heavily bleeding, miscarriage was confirmed the following day and an intrauterine infection set in the day after this requiring hospitalisation.
I have given birth to one child, a healthy son aged 4 (15/1/04) and in the seven years of my marriage have never once used contraception.
I have for many years suffered debilitating pain when menstruating as I have endometriosis - that has been treated surgically 4times since 2005.
I am really struggling with this - even with professional help & medication.
Not trying again for awhile at least if ever as I fear losing another one and don't know if I could handle any further pain.
: ( Alicia

[diannescruffy]

Hi and welcome to BB. I am so very sorry to hear of your losses. I hope here you can find the comfort and support that you need.

Regards,
Dianne

[Ali26]

Thankyou.

[Cassius2]

I am really sorry to hear of your losses. It's so tough, I think especially when endo is involved (i too have battled with the horrid thing)...many many hugs to you

[OceanPrincess]

Oh Ali I'm so sorry for your losses...

Don't really know what to say... you will find lots of comfort and understanding here on BB.

[Possums]

Ali so sorry for your losses and your pain... I can relate somewhat, as this year I suffered an ectopic and last week discovered our baby's heart had stopped beating at 8.5 weeks...and I had a D&C on Tuesday. It followed two IVF cycles and we are devastated.
I just want you to know that you aren't alone...people here can help if you need to vent...and surround yourself with supportive people.
Loss is so hard and you need time to grieve and be gentle with yourself. In time it will get easier and the pain will ease. In the meantime, let the range of emotions you are no doubt feeling just roll through you.... I hope that when you are ready and the time is right for you, you will fall pregnant with your second healthy child.

[AJC]

Ali - I am so sorry to hear of your losses, and back to back losses are terribly difficult. I had two losses in a row, one in Oct 06 & Sep 07. We actually did some tests after our second loss as I was quite hesitant to try again until I knew everything was ok as I just couldn't face another loss. After all of the tests and a 4 month break (which didn't really give us any answers or even clues) we tried again (this time I took clomid) and it seems we're third time lucky.

My heart really goes out to you - the pain I remember going through was just unbearable and it brings a tear to my eye to know that there are lots of other people who go through it (and worse).

I found having a really supportive & capable ob/gyn really helped us believe that we would have a forever baby one day.

Sending you a huge hug.

[Baby Blue Eyes]

I am so sorry for your losses of your 2 angels

[kristi14]

Sorry to hear of your recent losses

Sending you lots of strength right now

[Ali26]

A big thankyou to you all, your support means so much as for a lot of the time I have felt very alone with my losses and to know there are others out there who have been through similar (or worse) experiences helps immensly.
It means I'm not alone in the grief I'm feeling.
Thanks for all the hugs and sending hugs to you all
Ali

[Bun]

I am so sorry to hear about your losses. Coping with 2 in a row is devastating. I remember thinking of giving up and feeling like I would never have a family after my second loss in a row, but we kept trying and finally I have a beautiful little girl. Just wanted to let you know there is hope and I am thinking of you

[BekZ]

So sorry to hear of your losses. I have had 2 miscarriages in a row too. I then fell pregnant with my second daughter, just know that there is hope.

[Ali26]

Far out my brain is unable to focus on anything much at the moment - which isn't much help when trying to write assignments for university or when at work.
I'm feeling very low on energy at the moment and yesterday was a particularly bad day as feeling so down has made me a bit snappy at the moment and my fuse a lot shorter. This was not good at work as one of the residents started playing up at dinner and baiting me in a deliberate attempt to set me off - almost worked but luckily I was able to escape the situation for a while and calm down.
I feel like i'm literally bumping up against a wall at the moment
To add to it I am having to face the fact that my little man (alex) will be starting school next year - brought home by having to attend a parent info evening last week which almost brought me to tears then.
In a way I almost feel as though I am losing another child, even though he is still here he is growing up and taking his first steps to independance -
**** this sucks!
On top of it all I am waiting for a period to occur which is now 1 day late and I'm usually as on time as clock work!
Arrgh!!!
Good to vent this out though as only DH to talk to about this at home, to the rest of the family its like a taboo subject especially as my sister-in-law has a 6week old bub.

[~ dragonfly ~]

all i can do is send lots of cyberhugs and encouragement - i had back to back losses in july and august this year, so i can well understand your pain and distress - BB has been my saviour and given me the strength to keep trying. i hope this settles for you soon.

[Ali26]

Thanks Dragonfly and everyone else for their support.
Period woke me with horrible cramps this morning and of course reminds me all over again of losing my angel babies.
Keep having the thoughts of if only I hadn't miscarried the first angel I would be at 21 weeks now and that just makes it more distressing.
One good thing is since coming onto this site I have found it easier to talk about as many of the people I work with new I had been PG but didn't know that I'd lost not one but two angel babies and I have in talking to them found that there is a lot of support/empathy amongst them as many have experienced a loss themselves.

Grieving very deeply the loss of my two angels, I hope you are at peace together. Love you always.
Tears flowing very strongly now.
Ali

Me 26 DH 28 DS 4
Little Angels - "Lucy" 9wks5d (12/8/08) & 4wks3d (28/9/08)