When does the pain stop?

[jennyc]

Hello, I had a miscarriage at 15 weeks after a horrible first trimester of hyperemisis and a weight loss of 4.5kg. The nausea and vomiting was constant from the time I found out I was pregnant. At my routine check up, dr found baby had no heartbeat, and that devistated me. Once confirmed, I was induced and delivered a sleeping baby boy. Oh how painful it has been the past few weeks. I struggle to keep my tears back each time I see a pregnant lady or a new born baby. When will the emptyness ease?

[NaeNae]

Jennyc

Big hugs - I am so sorry for your loss I truely am.

The pain of a loss never goes nor does it ease, however you will find each day there are ways around the feelings you have now , some days you won't cry as much and other days you will cry a lot.
All of it is perfectly normal.
I have had two losses in a row and the heartbreak is always present, but somehow you keep on going - I don't know where the strength to do so comes from but its there and you will find it too.

BB is a great place to seek comfort and support so use the forums to vent/cry and laugh as you need to.

I found by not sitting around "dwelling" has helped me I got back into work and other activities as quickly as I could to get those endorphines pumping. You'll find your own path.

A little thing was once said to me and it helped in a small way - only very special women are chosen mothers to Angels and I believe this is true.

If you ever need to chat pm me hun ok?
Nae x x x

[KrystieLove]

Dear Jenny, I am so sorry to hear of your loss

You'll never forget your angel, but each day will hopefully get a little better for you. It's been 7 months since I lost my angel, and even being pregnant again doesn't erase the pain of my lost baby. From time to time I still have a few tears for the baby I'll never hold in my arms.

Please don't place any expectations on yourself. Each person grieves differently, and there is no right or wrong way to grieve. Take whatever time you need for yourself, and do whatever gets you through each day.

And importantly, if you need someone to lean on, don't be afraid to ask for help. I hope their are people in your life that can help you through this. But if not, the ladies in this forum are wonderful and will always lend a supporting shoulder.

[satya]

I'm sorry for your loss. Over time it does get easier. The way I learnt to handle seeing pregnant women & young babies was to imagine they were someone like me who had suffered infertility & loss & that they'd finally got lucky. That somehow made it a little easier.

[dd0207]

Jenny just wanted to say i'm so sorry for your loss. I don't think we will ever get over the pain of losing our baby but we somehow learn to live with what has happened even though our hearts yearn for them every day.

I thought exactly like Satya did - I used to see pregnant women and newborns and get so sad and jealous (hard to admit that) but then thought that they too may have suffered the way some of us have and it got easier.

Sending you lots of strength and big big hugs to help you get through this time. We are all here for you.

[jennyc]

Dearest ladies,

Thankyou so much for your kind words. I didn't realise how many women had suffered a similar misfortune. I try to keep strong by appreciating my 2 beautiful girls (7 and 9 years).

Satya and dd0207, your advice is much appreciated and makes a lot of sense. Thankyou.
NaeNae and Kristylove, your kind words of sympathy mean so much to me.

It is so comforting to know that somewhere out there, there are complete strangers who care so much. Thankyou once again.

I do have some good news, my periods started again today. For the first time in my life I was overjoyed to get monthlies.

Jenny

[diannescruffy]

Hi,
I'm so very sorry for your loss. I really wish I could tell you the pain goes away but it doesn't. We will always carry the pain for the loss of our babies. Somehow we learn to live with this pain and slowly it does get better. Your precious baby will always be close to your heart and just know that we are all here for you on BB.

Regards,
Dianne

[AJC]

jenny I am so sorry for your loss. For me the emptiness will always be there, I will always hold a special place in my heart for my two angel babies. Although we are absolutely thrilled to be expecting our first little bundle in around 9 weeks I can't help but still feel sadness for my babies I never got to meet. I've just learnt to live with my grief but I still get upset and think I always will. So in answer to your question, yes the emptiness will ease but it will always be part of you.

[jennyc]

Hi All,

I've now stopped questioning myself as to how I could have prevented the m/c. It's beyond our control and no matter how much planning and taking care of ourselves we commit to, there is ultimately a higher plan in store for each of us. My baby died with the cord wrapped around his neck- dr said it was unpreventable.

Thankyou Dianne and AJC. Your advice has been taken on board and my heart is also with you both.

AJC, I wish you all the best and hope and pray that this pregnancy/birth goes well for you. We are planning again for next year.

Love, Jenny

[Milly]

Hi Jenny,
So sorry for your loss, when does the pain end....it doesnt but it does get better. One day you realise you can talk about it and not cry, maybe even smile..... I have now had two easy pregnancies and wonderful births since my m/c and i am still filled with sadness of all i missed out on with that baby. I fell pregnant about 8 weeks after my m/c and so whenever i get too down i look at my beautiful Evie and remember that if it all hadnt happened i wouldnt have her.
We live, we learn, we grow......
take care and take your time!

[Berry1]

Hi Jenny,

I am so sorry for your loss. I too lost a baby recently (3.5 wks ago) at 19 weeks. I have found that having the right support around me has helped. Some days I cope fine and other days I just breakdown, I guess it's all part of the grieving process. Your precious son will always be close to your heart.

Take care
Berry

[jennyc]

Milly, your story has brought me positive emotions and has made me a little less afraid to conceive again.

Berry1, I am so sorry for your loss and would like to let you know this forum has helped me through this difficult time in my life. I still break down, but not as often.

I can now appreciate the power that women have to get through such rough times. Take care all, and know that it's ok to cry. There isn't a minute of the day that goes by without a thought of what might have been..... and my calender is marked with each week of my pregnancy..that part sucks. New calender in just over 5 weeks.

Love, Jenny